It had been a struggle for her in the past to keep from running away in the face of adversity. It wasn't much easier now except for the fact that she had to stay. Her new post as monarch kept her paws within the Pantheon borders. She wanted to get as far away from these terrifying feelings and possibilities. She wanted to hide from everything, from this responsibility, from Natalya's sickness, from the heart-pounding emotions that roared through her every time she looked at Conan. Out there things were easy. Out there she wasn't herself.
She sighed and padded aimlessly through the Estuary, having just finished a patrol around Pantheon's borders. It was a habit that she had forced herself to take on, going through the motions of what she thought an alpha was supposed to do. Honestly she didn't have a clue what she was supposed to be doing, much less if she was doing it correctly. She wanted to ask Helios, but at the same time she didn't want to burden him any more than he already was. Gods knew he had plenty on his plate right now. She moved toward the den she shared with Hera and Desponia. They brightened up her day and made her remember that everything she was doing right now was for them and that they were worth it. She caught a fresh whiff of Desp's scent and she smiled, searching for her dark colored daughter with tired, silver eyes. "Desponia!" she called as she got closer. "Are you here, darling?"
She had been resting in the den after a fun adventure to the cave with the fallen log in front of it because exploration was tiring work. She was quickly learning that she needed sleep and that sometimes it did not come as easy as she would like it to come. When the unforgettable voice that is her mother reached through the air of the den they all shared, her ears instantly poked up. She caught a silly grin on her muzzle as she rose, her tail vigorously wagging. "I'm here momma!" The words were called out in her medium alto voice as she wan towards the entrance. She had noticed her mother's stress and while she was concerned, she would not speak of it. She felt like it was one of those adult topics and she wasn't an adult.
She slowly rested her face against her mother's soft and warm fur that welcomed her and reminded her that she was home. "Is everything alright momma?" The words were asked in a soft tone as she looked up at her mother towards her eyes. There was a concerned smile on her face. The cheerful girl refused to be caught with anything less present.
A pleased smile would come to her muzzle as her darkest colored daughter appeared at the entrance of their den, the girl quickly coming over to press into her fur. Phoebe leaned down and nuzzled her cheek into her daughter's shoulder, thinking to herself that Desponia and Hera both were growing so, so fast. It felt like just yesterday that they were tiny, helpless bundles. She honestly didn't know that she would ever get this far, that she would legitimately love them more than her own life. She still wasn't entirely sure that she was a good influence on them or that she was a good mother, but she was trying her best and so far they seemed to be turning out alright.
Phoebe's ears perked when her daughter's voice reached her ears and she peered down at her concerned, golden gaze. A tired smile touched her muzzle and she placed a small kiss on Desponia's cheek. Was it that obvioius that she was stressed? She had been trying so hard to hide her troubles from her daughters, not wanting to bring that unhappiness into their lives, but apparently it was more evident than she realized. "Everything is fine, sweetie. I just have a lot on my mind, that's all," she replied reassuringly as she settled down onto her haunches. Wanting to quickly change the subject, she asked, "What have you been up to, Desp? Anything exciting?"
Her mother's words and presence assured her that everything was fine but still the young child worried about her mother who claimed to have a lot on her mind. "Are you sure, momma?" The concern in her voice, while admirable, sounded like a bit of doubt at best. Her mother diverted the discussion by asking what the small girl had been doing. Desp couldn't tell her about the super secret cave! "I've just been s'ploring but I haven't found anything int'restin' yet. I could tell you all about it later if I do find something though." With those words, the girl asked a question she had been meaning to ask for a while. "Momma, are Hera and I gonna have to do work like everyone else when we're older? I don't know how to do the work others do." She had seen the pack so busy recently and she was concerned she wouldn't fit in and click.
