Erani

Erani lay curled as far away from the entrance of the den as possible. She?d made Nova leave her be. She imagined he was out hunting. She knew she would pay for her angry outburst at the meeting. She would pay dearly. Honestly, she expected to be exiled at this moment. It scared her. She knew she?d gone out of bound, and that begging for pardon was not enough. At the least, she would be demoted. At the most, exiled. She could feel the anger in the land. And above all, she hurt. Deep blues clamped shut, a soft whine bitten back to a strangled noise. If she could have, she would have taken her words back. Kept her muzzle clamped. Inside, her stomach roiled and clenched with uncertainty. The unknown was what scared her most. She curled tightly into herself, feeling the need to protect the life within. She had caught a glimpse of Cairo on her way out. How long he?d been there, and how she?d missed his arrival, she wasn?t sure. But the blatant rage in his eyes brought back the nightmare of Guinevere?s dying, and the furious, rage filled sapphires and flashing canines lunging for her. His anger made her burn with disgust for herself. No matter how much she wanted, she could never truly claim Chrysanthe and Epiphron as her own. Nor Eos or Syrinx or Preston and Neo. Her throat convulsed as she tried to hold back another whine. She didn?t want Nova to see her like this. She wished Guinevere would never have become ill. That she had never died. That the children could have had their mother instead of herself. And it hurt, that wish. It hurt as though her heart were being twisted and squeezed. Beneath it all, she still felt guilty for Guinevere?s death. How could the children love her so much when she was responsible for losing the battle with Death for their true mother?s life? Her cheeks were damp. The sounds of her tears she held back, but the scent of salt still stung her nose. The pressure was unbearable. All she could do was wait for whatever was coming for her. And take it like a Valhallan.

Thew torqued beneath his dulling coat and the Valhallan would descend upon the ivory queen. Silence would befall him and he would settle his haunches against the topography. His eyes would grab onto her visage and he would not move albeit his breathing. His look was something of disappointment, subtle anger, and a deep feeling that she had little care for the way she had acted. Retribution had been granted and he would not condemn his son for the punishment he had given the white female. She had deserved it, she knew better. She knew a lot better. Words like she had used and the tone that she had taken were things that were meant for privacy. Her insubordinate behavior was something that needed to be turned down and though there had been others that questioned him, none had offended like Erani. In extent, she had seemed to question his family traditions and had personally offended himself.


"Speak," He knew that she would know what he was demanding of her, and he knew that she would answer him with fervor. She had once chance to really get it all off of her chance, because for once in his reign, his life, and his existence, he did not want to be around Erani.

Erani

And so, he had come. Sapphire eyes grown old with wisdom pinned her to the floor of her den like a pup who had done a great wrong. Indeed, she had behaved like a pup. She had been completely demoted. That didn?t hurt as much as the fact that she would not be allowed to complete Preston?s training, nor Rayne?s. She wouldn?t be allowed near an injured wolf, or an ill one. What use was this beautiful, perfect den? She had chosen it for the reasons a Healer would use. Cairo?s voice spoke one word, and miserable deep blues returned to the face of the old King. Where did she begin? Sorry was out of the question for now. It would never be enough. She swallowed, and tried to find a beginning to her words. She didn?t trust her voice to hold up. Soundlessness often fought sobs far better than speaking ever did. But she knew this would be her only chance. ?I truly have behaved like a pup?.? She felt her throat close, and stopped, fighting for composure. ?I deserved every bit of what I got. But I couldn?t help myself. When you gave me your children to watch over and care for, and when you didn?t come to take them back, I?? She broke off and struggled again. ?At that time? I had never had a heat cycle. I believed myself unable to reproduce? I thought I would never have a chance at my own, very own litter? So I loved your children as fiercely as I would my own. Part of me hated myself for it. That part felt as though I were stealing from Guinevere?s memory. But I couldn?t stop myself from giving all I had. ?Seeing them hurt, it made my heart overwhelm my reasoning. Neo, looking like that. Hating us all? Chrysanthe?s eyes when she heard her fate? I don?t deserve them. I lost their mother. Because of my late action, they will never know their mother.? Her teeth clenched against the pain those words gave her. ?I know my actions were wrong. I don?t ask for any easing of my punishment.? Her next words were a soft whisper, meant only for herself. ?I should never have survived the Redwood Massacre.? Cormalin would throttle her if he ever heard those words coming from her mouth.

H ow did she expect him to so easily take the words that she was laying over his ears? Take them as an excuse? No, he was incapable. He was terrible. There was an incredible flaw to her plan if she so thought it was going to restore her appearance. Valhalla was not his any longer, and yes, things had changed, however, Valhalla was in no essence evil, and it had a long road to travel down before it dares trespass on such evil things. His blue eyes would divert to the side as she spoke of Guinevere and everything that had once been so important to him. That was still so important to him. "Collision is as much my child as any of the others, and would you speak to Chrysanthe in such a way? Would you disrespect Epiphron so easily had she been the one to cough those orders? Would you have embellished myself with such harsh design had it been me to find Chrysanthe a husband? Seracia is full of good wolves, I've had my experiences with them. They know of the Adravendi's. We are perhaps the largest and most extensively bound family in Alacritis. Yes, betrothals are not common for most, however, for us, they are tradition. You have offended my by speaking against my upbringing, Erani," His words would refuse to let her get off easily. As much as he ated being so brash with her, it was evident it needed to be done. She was once so revered in Valhalla, and yet, with her actions she had been able to disprove every single word that had been spoken on her behalf. She was not respectful in her tones, and words like hers could have very well been more effective, however, in private. "You do not need to explain things to me, Erani. I am not the King of Valhalla no matter how much you all wish I was. Neo...threw away his Adravendi name. That is not our fault. He threw me away. I love him, but I will not condone his actions without retribution. He has sinned against me, and I will handle that personally, however, his sins against Valhalla are not mine to address. Concerning Chrysanthe, she is the most mentally powerful of her siblings and the one I would have chosen for this,"

Erani seemed to have wanted to be left alone, so she did so at first. Yet she couldn't help but seek her out. The yearling paused, hearing her soft words as she neared her den. The girl could barely make out her speech, but as she closed in on she and the familiar figure that she was speaking to, Chrysanthe paused, her heart breaking as she heard the healer's whisper. She never should have survived... the girl wanted to jump immediately, no matter that she was speaking with her father. There was no reason, none at all that she should feel that way! Yet her father did nothing to quell her, only spoke with her as if he was punishing a child. She held back the growl that wanted so badly to seep into the air that separated she from her father. His words cared about nothing, no one, but Collision. The eldest child, the alpha, the lord, the king. He was all that mattered, he was all that he considered in this, his feelings, how he felt about being questioned in his own damn meeting! What a king, to need to have his father defend him against a pregnant woman. What a fucking lord, to have to have the woman he stripped of rank be chastised by his father.


She was disgusted.


"You could have told me how common that betrothals were father, before you had me married off and prepared to ship me away." She said quietly, no harshness to her tone - only emptiness. Her "mental strength" was the only thing that kept her from snapping, from complaining, from crying and demanding that he remove himself from Erani's den because she was too important to her to be treated this way, and too pregnant to be stressed out like this so soon before her pups will do. "I apologize for interrupting your conversation - but Erani wasn't speaking against anyone. She was asking questions about Glaciem, about Neo, her child - and about me. They were questions that you may not have wanted public, but he made a public issue when he addressed them to the pack." He could argue with her all he wanted, coddle her, punish her, but it would all fall on deaf ears. She was apparently too free a spirit for this, for all of this - but she would destroy it. If only so that she could play the role that she had been given, and marry the Seracian prince that she had never met. "I would have been more hesitant in challenging for Neo, had I known that he would be treated this way upon return." She looked down, shame flickering over her eyes and visage, before she lifted her head once more.


"She would not have simply sat there and let you give me away either if she didn't know about it, she is my mother. She loves me. Just as she loves Neo. She was worried for me ... for us. " The girl would meet Cairo's gaze, before moving to sit beside Erani. She was so sorry - the pain just wouldn't end for the healer, and it was all her fault. From Collision's actions at the meeting to Cairo's appearance and nonchalance to her feelings here. She had mothered his children and he cared nothing for the pain that she was radiating before him. A past king that she so revered, the father to her children, and he was treating her as if she wasn't a part of his family at all. "You shouldn't have stood up for me Erani - it's costing you so much, and it isn't fair." She whispered, and for the first time since she had appeared, emotion actually showed in her voice. Bitterness, sadness, compassion - she was so sorry that Erani would have to deal with constant punishment without her rank and herbs and healing and students, for saying things that were on the beta's mind that she couldn't get herself to say.


"Father, I don't ask that you consider her feelings - but the lives of her pups. The stress could very well kill them." if you continue to break her heart. He had certainly done a good job in breaking hers. He had known about this, he had known that she was going to be sent away and hadn't called to her immediately. Chrysanthe loved him, loved Collision, loved her family - but she was entirely disappointed in their lack of care for she or her feelings. They only assumed that she would take the news well and moved on, because she was strong enough to keep her feelings to herself.


"As for me I will serve Seracia's Prince well, so please don't worry about me." Those words were for Erani more than they were her father. He hadn't stopped to think that she may be upset about this in the first place, he was fine. And she found no reason to upset him as she had been upset. With that in mind she pulled her blank expression into something more serene. "I am strong, I'll be fine." That was what she had come to tell Erani in the first place. It was all she wanted her mother to know. That no matter what she would perservere and fulfill her duty to her family. "But I will miss you both dearly." It was the only overwhelming feeling that made her heart wrench painfully in her chest. Knowing that Valhalla and the Adravendis were a thing of the past to her.

T he lord was not merely going to sit idly as his daughter appeared and Erani gave her words. Of course he listened uite closely and gave her the completely benefit of the daoubt. He knew that she was sorry, but the focus would become Chrysanthe as the young girl spoke up. His ears rotated firmly against his head and he looked at her knowing that she was upset, angry, and probably disappointed in the way things had been done, "A betrothal in our family has not happened for a very long time, Chrysanthe," he was soft in his tone, yet equally stern, trying to portray to his daughter that he too was caught a bit off his legs. "I will admit, if Collision thinks the Seracian heir is going to be a good husband, then so be it," His gaze would flit slowly to the side considering the monarchy that Seracia was. A polygamous monarchy no doubt, "If this Maverick, is a polygamous and will not accept you as his one and only, you better believe I'll be there to get you from him. You'll not be ranked against women you are clearly superior than, and you'll not be a mere concubine or bartering chip. You'll be a Queen, you'll be treated like one, and I'll put my last dying breath into being sure that happens. Into being sure your happiness is secured," His eyes would turn back towards her and the male would continue to try and explain things to her in a manner that she would understand, and when they were away from Erani and tensions had been cooled, then he would be able to really get into depth with things that mattered, with things that would no doubt help her understand, "You don't understand in extent the Neo matter, my child, we didn't strip his name from him. He decided to take it from himself. There's no remedy for him. There's no getting him back to us, I've tried. The moment after I talked to him on the hillsides many a month ago, that, that was when he left us," Right after I told him how much I loved him. "Collision won't harm him, he is merely being faced with the punishment of not being allowed to leave Valhalla, if I hear of anything else, I'll handle Collision myself," His son might have been being a bit hard on everyone, but from what he had seen it was with good cause. "Both of you! All of Valhalla! Dammit!" Never before had he cursed in front of his children, but they needed to understand. As anger burbled in the sire's throat he quickly became resolute, "You're all expecting him to make these choices. Hard choices that I might make, and I might make differently. You're all telling him how much he's failing. Is Valhalla still together? Are we still thriving? Then he's doing something right. Erani, you've done the most turmoil to him, instead of telling him calmly and collectively how you think he should change things a bit, you burst at him, you allowed him to think himself lower. You wounded his pride when it is all he has left here. Soleil is dying!" C "Chrysanthe, I love you, You know I do, but you really need to talk to him if this bothers you so much. Stop this. Act like the mature adult I know you are. If I had been the one to choose out of your sisters would be betrothed, I would have chosen you as well. Why? Because, you are the most level headed and most prepared. You are the first born daughter. Your mother would have been proud of where you are today," Rarely did he speak of Guinevere in their presence, but it seemed to be needed in the events that were unfolding. "She has lost nothing except a morsel of respect in the eyes of Collision, and even still, I do not believe she's lost respect. I believe he acted in a manner that would get his pride back. You think it's fair to tell him everything he did was wrong? Tortuga...things with them have been sour since before the Volcano. Don't accuse Collision of being the one who made that worse," After all, Cairo himself was the one who had beaten Kaien down, had he not been? "Chrysanthe, we will speak mmore in private,"

Erani

Cairo was unyielding. She expected nothing from him. She had erred greatly, shamed not only herself, but Cairo. And Valhalla. Now she was quite useless to the pack. A pregnant, useless mouth to feed. She opened her muzzle, but another shadow fell beside Cairo?s in the mouth of the cave. Chrysanthe?s voice, flat, without any anger, spoke to Cairo. Erani?s muzzle closed and she let Chrysanthe speak first. She knew the young female had wanted to come with her, but had given her room. Her ears perked slightly as Chrysanthe pleaded to her father, and gave her head a silent shake, ears flattening. Her unborn litter was strong, even now, they moved vigorously. ?My pups will be fine, Chrysanthe. I acted out. I deserve what I get.? A soft, sad smile flitted over her muzzle as she looked at the young female. ?When it comes to those I care for, My heart overrides my sense. I should have waited, or worded what I said differently. But I didn?t. As a result, I am only able to be useful when I am requested. It is my own fault, and I will live with it. Do not blame yourself for my position, child of my soul.? She gazed at the dark faced lass, feeling so much love in her heart that it hurt to breathe. Cairo?s voice pulled her eyes away, and she listened to his words. As he spoke about her hurting of Collision?s pride, she gave a mental shake of her head. If Collision let his pride control his actions like that, what would happen when a wolf from another pack bashed against it? Soleil? Dying? Not according to herself, she had visited the small healer with the herbs needed to continue her recovery. The recovery was going well, last visit. Rayne was keeping an eye on Soleil, and had not come to Erani with news of problems. Soleil would know if something was going wrong. What of Collision?s children. What was pride, compared to them? ?He has family. He has you, he has his children. His pride is not all he has left here. Soleil was on the road to recovery, last time I checked on her, and that was mere weeks ago. I have both Preston and Rayne checking in on her, and she would know if something was going wrong or if she was relapsing. She is a healer herself. I have not been sent for, neither Preston nor Rayne have come with news of emergency.? A pup gave a particularly hard pick, making her give a huff and glance back at her side with a frown that, had they been born, would probably have stopped the offending pup in it?s tracks. Even so, the kicking eased to a more comfortable tempo. Chrysanthe spoke, and her head turned back to the young female, eyes sad. ?I wanted you to be able to watch them grow up, show them things a big sister would teach younger siblings. I guess we?ll have to settle for you being here to watch them be born.? Her eyes turned back to Cairo. ?Have you been told when the? Wedding is?? The word stuck in her throat. It was unfamiliar, too formal, too? Un-natural. She looked at the older male. In some ways, he reminded her of her father. The tenderness he showed to his family. Yet still, he reminded her of her birth pack?s Alpha male. Only recently had she come to truly understand Amorek?s unusual interest in her. The special little things he?d taught her. The interest he?d taken in watching her fighting training. Her healers training. He?d been conditioning her, and she didn?t know it. She wondered if Cairo had ever met the Redwood pack. She doubted it. Thinking of Amorek made her think of another thing. What would have been in her path if Redwood had survived, or never been attacked in the first place? Would she have been? Married? To some other pack?s heir? Would she have been making decisions that an alpha made? Betrothals, alliances wars? She pulled away from that path in her mind with an unconscious shake of her head. It didn?t matter anymore. Redwood pack was history; Blackmoon pack had won their war. Fenrin had wiped them out. She and Cormalin were lucky. Sarak was lucky as well. He would be two years old in winter, according to him. She wondered what he would do, once he reached the age where he would be forced out. Would he beg to stay? Or go his own way? Another shake of her head and she forced her wandering mind to attention.

Prolly making this even worse for her -Groan- Sorry for the mega wait.

She had spoken up, spoken her part - shared her current feelings with her father. He seemed to cue in on her in that moment, and the female didn't waver when his voice softened for her. Of course she was angry, upset, at he and Collision but mainly her brother because she had done everything right and he had still agreed to give her away without as much as a questioning glance in her direction. Cairo did everything that he could to defend his son - and it seemed that was... that was who mattered the most in this. He would only do it if it was right for her, he is so lost, so hurt, so wounded. Her face stayed placid as she looked to him, holding her tongue as she listened to her father's response.


When it came to Neo she had no returning response, because she... she would have hesitated to make him a prisoner - but why? That could cost Valhalla so much, and she knew that Collision was only doing what was best for the pack. He didn't need to explain to her why Neo was a slave here, but was it really so hard to understand why a mother would be slow to accept that her son was a traitorous bastard? Did he really have not a lick of empathy for the woman who had raised his children in the place of his wife just because she dared to speak out at a pack meeting?


She was so incredibly disappointed.


"I never questioned his choices. I only wish he had come to me about my marriage first." She said simply. She shook her head once, closing her eyes with the motion. Why, why did her lids feel so heavy? It had been her to interrupt after all - she had no right to be tired of hearing her father's voice. "You can not change their ways, father. I am certain that was not part of the deal." Gideon had... oh he had promised to try for her. To cast away his tradition, if only for a few months, to try - to see if she could be the only woman for him - and here she was caving to her family's agreements and turning her back on him. She was... awful. "They are polygamists, I will not be his sole wife, it is not how they live their lives and it is not what I expect of them. It isn't... something that you need to worry about. I accepted that when I accepted my role in all of this. You can't protect me from the world forever father. My happiness, is your happiness - as well as Valhalla's safety." With Gideon, he was willing to try, but with this prince, any sort of compromise was out of the bag.


He would be a King. He would not be like the impromptu male that was on her mind. Gideon lived by his own rules, he was not like the men and woman of Valhalla and she was sure that his Monarchy was different as well.


She would not go into this with a heart full of hope and a head full of false ideas.


Yet there was far more on her mind than heartbreak. She had a duty to Valhalla that managed to override all else, and she had made not a single comment or remark that spoke of her fear and anger that she had been put up for the obligation without her permission. Yet instead of telling her he would miss her, giving her a vote of confidence that she needed right now, he... he called her childish. She wasn't behaving as he would want, and so she was no longer being an adult about this. He tried to salve his comment with loving remarks, but it was so hard to accept them along with the strike he had delivered as well.


And then he dared speak of her birth mother.


Erani's small sad smile flicked toward her, and her words - oh god, her words. She was not- this wasn't- it wasn't fair! She deserved so much more than this, than to live with guilt like this for exacting a right she had as a mother and a member of this pack. Erani, spoke again, and bless her heart, her words made sense. But she knew they would not get through to Cairo. That would mean admitting that he was wrong about something, that perhaps Collision was not the marble statue, the image of perfection that he seemed to think that he was. He would only become harsher with the white fae, and Chrysanthe wasn't sure whether she could bear to watch it.


And when she looked back to her, with sadness shining in her deep blue eyes, speaking of the life that she would never have...



She faltered.


"My mother is proud of me." Her voice cracked, only once, only a moment - and then with a sigh she slipped back into place, closed her eyes and ears to him but it was alright because he was done. He believed that Erani acted in disrespect, and that the only one to suffer was his darling angel of an eldest child that could do absolutely no wrong for the whole of Valhalla. He had a loyal pack, wolves that stood up to a pregnant femme among the masses. He had a doting family, three children of his own, a wife who needed him more than ever and the support of his father, his cousin, and all of his siblings. Poor, poor Collision and his wounded pride - being questioned before Valhalla by someone with concerns.


It was almost as if it was a chance for members to speak their minds or something.


"Thank you father. That we will." She said simply, not wanting to fight with him. To argue. That was never what she wanted - would never be what she wanted. Despite the feeling that was coursing through her, tightening her stomach and threatening to spill tears down her eyes, she did not want to hurt Cairo. She loved him. He was her father, the man she was supposed to be able to speak to about things like this - but she saw now that wasn't the case. Speaking against he, or Collision, in any way that may harm or hindrance their pride or decisions for this pack was not appreciated. It was childish.


And so she quieted, despite the many thoughts that wanted to come spilling from her tongue.


Moving toward her mother, she sat beside her, letting their shoulders touch. She was so sorry, that she had to go through this because of her. And yet there was nothing that she could do. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."