Guilt.  It racked her mind every time she was near him now, stabbed her straight through the heart like a dagger.  Why she had thought it a good idea to keep her worry bottled up, Natalya had no idea, but with Apollo the top had finally been blown off.  She had sworn the albino boy to secrecy, but now it gnawed away at her more than ever.  It was as though telling one wolf had opened the floodgates and she could no longer hold back the rushing waters of her problems.

She had to tell him.  Helios had a right to know everything that was going on with her, she had been wrong and cruel to keep it from him.  Nat took a deep breath, before nudging Helios awake in the den beside her.  "Come outside," she whispered quietly once she was sure he was awake, then made her way out to the log they so frequently called their meetings at.  She was a bundle of nerves as she sat beside it to wait for him.

 

 
 
The world of dreams swirled around him, indescribable shapes moving around him, some bringing with them guilt or happiness but nothing concrete. Then a jostling slowly started to pull him from sleep, his wife voice whispering for him to leave the den. Helios yawned and slowly lifted himself to his paws. He moved carefully, stepping around children and out into the world.

He was only just stepping out of the den as he stretched. A small smile caressed his face as he approached where he sat, rubbing up against her before lowering himself to his haunches at her side. Helios nosed at her cheek. “What is it love?” He murmured, sleep still heavy in his voice. 
 



talk, think


 
 

 


 

She dared not nudge him back, avoiding as much movement as she could to keep from her emotions spilling over. Her voice was quiet when she spoke, barely more than a whisper. "I can no longer lead Pantheon, Helios. I cannot be this family's Matriarch." She inhaled deeply, then breathed it out slowly, composing herself for the rest of what she needed to tell him. "I am sick. I have been since Katja won our lands from us. It has only continued to get worse and now I am certain that... That I will die. Will you lead this pack for both of us until we can choose a successor and then... Will you go with me to my parents? I don't want it to happen here."

Her words were sure to shock him and he was sure to have questions in abundance, but she needed to say them while she still could. By the end of her speech, tears were slowly spilling from her unseeing eyes, but she still remained stoic and her voice remained even. She was certain it wouldn't continue that way.

 

 
 
He noticed her lack of movement, the way she didn’t seem to react to his touch and instantly he was worried. Still the man tried his best not to assume the worst, maybe she was just tired. Gods knew he was. Then she would speak, and dread would replace hopeful optimism. The man listened, frozen in horror as his wife spoke.

No, no! He wailed internally. Not again! Never again! How could the gods be so cruel? He sat in silence for a time, unable to bring the words in his mind to his mouth.   “I-“ He finally managed, voice wavering, faltering. The man swallowed, his throat feeling so very dry. “I will!” He didn’t speak of his doubts, how could he rule while she was dying? How could he devote his attention to the pack while she wasted away? He had so much he wanted to say, to ask and yet he found his lips refused to respond. Slowly he leaned towards her and licked at her shoulder, slow, methodically repeating the action over and over. 
 



talk, think

She had feared a response much worse from Helios. She had feared that he would break, that he would be angry or sad and she would have to feel the pain of both of them while doing her best to comfort him. She didn't want to leave her family, she didn't want to leave her pack, and she certainly didn't want to leave her husband to rule alone, but what choice did she have? She was useless to them now. Natalya could barely keep herself going at this point and acting as the driving force behind a pack had become something simply unimaginable. It wasn't that she wouldn't continue to support them, but she no longer had the strength for more than that.

A tiny smile was forced on her lips as a few silent tears fell. "We will call a meeting at the turn of the seasons and... We can tell everyone there." She leaned into his kisses as she spoke, feeling their strength more than ever. Though she was weakening, winter brought her into heat and no illness could quell the desire she felt. If anything, fear increased it. Fear of dying and leaving too little behind. Fear that she had never been good enough as a mother or a leader. Fear that her family would be alone. "Helios," she began, her voice thick as she rose and presented herself to him. "Please, make me forget this for a while."

-fade-

 
Helios remained silent, his thoughts silent an eerie numbness filling him up and yet he continued to lick her. The action was all he had left, it was all he could cling to as she spoke, giving soft grunts in response to the meeting they would call. He allowed himself to focus on her, and only her drawing in her scent; a mix of sickness and heat. He was ever aware of her form leaning into his, so much more frail then he could ever remember her being and as she spoke again an old familiar feeling pushed through him, dispersing the fog in his mind. He stopped licking.

“Of course.” He whispered rising to his paws. He couldn’t deny her, he never could.

-Fade-
 



 

talk, think
THANK YOU TEALAH<3