Koros was quite pleased to see the changes taking place in his Queen. Even if she no longer ruled over much of anything, he would always view her as such. Through the good and the bad, thick and thin... sanity and insanity. He had seen both sides of the coin with his liege, but he would take to his grave how relieved he was to see her acting more and more like her old self. Even if, at that moment, she was nervous. Not that Raisa might have said as much, but she was pacing relentlessly along the border. She had refused to cross without permission, arguing that it was no longer her right to do so, but neither would she howl, less she attract unwanted attention. She wanted to speak with the children, and then she wanted to find Katja... "Damn it all," she huffed out, voice raspy. "Surely a patrol will come this way sooner or later," Koros said in an attempt to calm her. "Thats what I'm worried about!" Raisa groused in return. "Speech"

It was too good to be true. The scent that reached him, fox and wolf commingled, was burned into his earliest memories, even before his eyes had opened on the sight of his mother and siblings. It had changed, somewhat, but it still sent tingles of recognition up Kassander's spine, raising the snowy fur like a crackle of electricity. Raisa. The young king's paws carried him with reluctant fascination toward the scent. It was too good to be true, for his mother to appear once again when he needed her most - she had come back before, only to give their heritage away to Katja and vanish again. Had abandoned them to Virgil's oh-so-loving hands. Had been nowhere to be found when Sindri was kidnapped by... whoever. Had not been there for them when Sigmarr had gone off to save her and never come back. She hadn't given Val the support she needed to hold the pack together. So why was she suddenly here once again? For him? Not a chance... he'd never been that important to anyone. "Mother?" The soft word, more hesitant confirmation than question, slipped from his throat unbidden as he saw the flame-and-soot form of his mother. He hadn't meant to call her that - had meant only to call her Raisa. But memory was a powerful thing. The young Xanilov boy stood frozen with indecision, his fire and ice eyes locked upon her. ""

Slowly but surely Sigmarr was starting to feel more like himself.  He heart to heart with Sindri and his time with Kassander were slowly starting to knit his wounds shut.  The three musketeers trying to play the hand they were dealt.  His thoughts drifted to Valeriya… they certainly hadn't left on good terms and then there was Svetlana… some day he hoped to see everyone again.  Maybe some how, just be being together they could start mending what had been broken so long ago. Or so he thought before a strangely familiar scent reached his nose.  Sigmarr froze stiff… no…. there was no way.  Raisa?  Shit…. he was loosing his mind.  Sigmarr couldn't help but follow the scent and there standing near Kassander was the woman who had vanished… who'd left.  She was the catalyst for all the shit he and his siblings had endured.  If she hadn't left Sindri would've stayed and he wouldn't have gotten captured going to look for her.  If Raisa hadn't left Kassander and Svet wouldn't have been taken.  Hell if she hadn't left there was a chance that Valeriya would've stayed. Hackles raised, lips pulled back in a raging snarl as his ears pinned back to his head, tail streaming straight out behind him as he rolled his shoulders forward, neck scrunching back.  Legs spread equidistant apart as his nails bit into the ground.  Legs coiled as he lowered his center of gravity, the very motion making him feel more stable, more in control of this situation despite the only thing he wanted to do was scream and cry.  "You have a lot of fucking nerve showing up now.  Do you have any idea how we've suffered while you've been….. just where the hell have you been anyway?  I sure hope it was worth destroying your family." "Speech"

Raisa had nearly given up hope. She would not turn away, despite the growing apprehension which gnawed at her, but she did not quite wish to stay either. If there were wrongs to be righted (and there were) so be it, she would face them. Only... Did it have to be now? Before she could commit herself to this new treason, before she could even decide whether or not to take the idea of it seriously, a small voice caused her to turn. "Mother," it queried. Rounding, Raisa saw her oldest child, first born, her son. Kassander, all grown up. Tears began to well in her eyes...  He was an adult now, filled into a noble form. His coat was rich and vibrant and it sang to her of their ancestry. Still, something in his build, the set of his eyes, she could see the children's father. Raisa barely remembered the man, yet was filled with the strangest urge to beg his forgiveness as well. One more debt to be paid, she tacked on. Her mouth worked wordlessly, brimming eyes beginning to leak. Words of adoration warred with a thousand apologies, she could not press anything out past her lips. Koros looked between his Queen and the young lord, perhaps a king now in his own right. Where was Valeriya? "Kassander," Raisa murmured, unable to voice another word. The arrival of her other son was an entirely different shock to her system. He too had filled out, he had grown to gargantuan proportions, but more astounding yet, he was there. Raisa's eye widened. She had been searching the realm for any trace of he and his sister, how had they managed to evade her? She had sworn to bring them home, had she failed in that as well. He would rail against her, curse, but she could only collapse down. "You're here," she said, words wooshing out along with the majority of her breath.  "You're safe..." Let him say whatever he wished, she deserved every ounce of their potent hatred and she damn well knew it. The road of repentance was long indeed. "What of... Sindri?" Raisa was almost afraid to speak her name, fearing the worst as she had not yet shown herself. What of Valeriya for that matter, what of Svetlana? Where were the girls? If her children had been re-united once more... For the first time, Raisa was in the presence of her children and the thought of her legacy was the farthest thing from her mind. Were they safe, that was what mattered. Were the fed and healthy and happy? She did not give three shits about the Xanilov reign, fuck the regency. Were her children truly home at last? "Talk" "You" Think

What of Sindri? She stood stock-still, riveted in place by a ghost from her past. Her eyes were wide, her expression frozen in a grimace of shock and yes, fear because what she was seeing was either a ghost or a hallucination. How could Raisa be there, right there in front of her? She'd lost her mind, she'd died in the wilderness or been killed by a bear or any of a hundred life ending tragedies because how else could a daughter justify abandonment by the one person who was supposed to love her above all else? Sindri found herself running towards her mother with no memory of deciding to move. A crazed energy overtook her, fueling a rage so white hot it numbed her to everything except the rapidly nearing apparition. There was a scream in the air, the sound throaty and primal, and it took her a moment to realize that the sound was coming from her own throat. She wanted to hurt her, to rip her apart and make her pay for the suffering she may have been able to prevent. Where had Raisa been when everything spun out of control? When their own mother betrayed them and stole them away? When heathens came and enslaved them? Where was she when the world was crumbling in and hope was an impossible fairytale? ""

Kassander dragged his gaze from the unexpected visage of their mother to meet Sigmarr's furious gaze. He felt like he should be angry as well. They'd been left to fend for themselves not once, but twice, by the person they should have been able to trust more than anyone. She'd been gone when her lover stole he and Svet away... did she even know? Did she care? ... did it matter if she did? With Raisa's focus on Sigmarr Kass felt lost, adrift in childish emotions. He wanted to hate her but she was his mother... he wanted to hate her but he needed her love... he wanted to hate her but he needed her to be proud of him. He wanted to hate her... The sound of pained rage was not Sigmarr. The dark shape that flew out of the rocks was not Val, or Svet. Kass' breath caught painfully. Sindri. His long, white-coated legs brought him to her side before her reckless charge could put her into range to attack Raisa, and then in front of her... He braced himself stoically for an impact, and attempted to curve his body protectively around hers. His mismatched gaze focused on Raisa, ears laid down in hurt. "Sindri," he said to Raisa, sarcastic words dripping from his mouth unbidden, his cool tone sounding distant and strange in his own ears, "is obviously fine." A sigh escaped him, and he melted against his sister. "Mother..." Soft words now, aching need and pleading veining through them, unable to fully articulate the question. "Why?" Why what? Why did you leave? Why did you come back? Why? ""

Sigmarr struggled to find his words, to bring his body to action.  He could barely bring himself to stand.  Her lack of reaction only caused his anger to burn hotter.  Where were the answers to his questions?  Sindri arrived and seemed just as shocked as he.  Sigmarr shook his head violently, he couldn't deal wit hthis right now, seeing Raisa again after shit they'd survived to was just to much… he found himself looking to Kassander, looking to his older brother for some sort of guidance.  He spoke the word that all of them wanted the answer to.  Why….  Sigmarr waited with baited breath.

The ferocity in the air around her was a stunning blow, one that knocked the wind from her chest even if she was not physically harmed. Kassander would move in front of Sindri before the smaller girl had time to reach Raisa, to tear into her... But the fire in her daughter's eyes was unmistakable. It was a killing rage, one born of such woeful torment. The once-queen could not find her breath. Kassander's voice dripped with something just as cold, even if he presented it with more restraint.

That same word continued to pour forth, assaulting her ear drums. Why, why, why. And she wanted so desperately to explain, if not to earn their forgiveness than to earn a true killing rage, one which would finally separate her from all this... this... Raisa could not think of a suitable word. But how on earth to begin? Was there any string of syllables that could express he thoughts, how she felt, the sorrow or the agony which plagued her like some sort of demonic poltergeist?

She drew in a shuddering breath, closing her eyes. If they decided to tear out her throat or something equally as pleasant she did not want to see it coming. "When you were born, all of you... I could not have been happier. Ebony was flourishing and we were strong. I knew you would be everything I'd ever wanted, even if I did not know it at the time. Everything then was about the legacy, the tradition, the future. But... I was wrong." She lashed her head back and forth, rejecting her memories even as she forced them upon herself.

"You began to grow. You began to become real, thinking creatures and I realized all at once that you were not instruments of Ebony's future. You were beautiful and perfect and willful and... and... I could not bear it. It was nothing like I'd known before, I could not shape you as we had been shaped for so many years. How could I press the needs of an empire upon such pristine souls, but how could I not?! I'd fought tooth and nail for the empire that was taken from me, since the day I saw your grandparents slaughtered." Could her children possibly understand? "It was war. War just for me, in my mind, day and night. Every time I saw your faces I wondered what would become of you. How in seven hells I was going to taint you and break you and force you to rule an empire I was slowly growing to despise?"

She swiped a paw against the ground, raking furrows into the moss there, baring her teeth. "And I left. I just fucking left because I couldn't handle it. It was driving me mad! I began to break then, fracturing and growing frail. I attempted to return because I knew you needed me but it only got worse and worse and worse, I-" She could not recount the memories left to her, that hazy horror which still plagued her at night. "I could not eat at first, I could not fight or hunt. My mind was a shattered disgrace. Without Koros," she turned to look at the small fox, "I would surely have died."

"When I collected myself, I began to seek out my old life to make amends. I have pledged myself to Katja, should she ever need me. I met with Virgil and left her to the jaws of an enraged bear for all that she had done to you, here's to hoping she's off rotting somewhere." Her eyes narrowed, that familiar bubble of rage stirring within her, still incredulous that her once-lover had caused her children so much strife. "I reconnected with Svetlana, who forgave me but once more we've been separated. I attempted to sway Valeriya as well but she would not have me. And now I am here, for you all. I am at your disposal... I don't expect you to forgive me, but I pray desperately that one day you might understand."

She bowed her head, dropped her gaze, waiting for the snapping of jaws or some word of anger or something that would give her a hint as to what the fates might have in store for her.