Everything seemed to be hanging on by a thread. She had only just officially taken control of Pantheon a few days ago and still didn't quite feel like it was actually happening. Her daughters were luckily sticking fairly close to home these days, but they were still growing up so fast. Not to mention that spring was still heavy in the air and that meant her heat was as well. Part of her had hoped, and even craved, for her and Conan to finally start their family, for her to truely get her life on track and put her wandering ways behind her, but he had been so distant lately... He very rarely if ever slept in the den with them these days. Did he know about her most recent escapade? If he didn't know, did he suspect? The guilt around that alone was enough to drive her mad, much less the new pressure of being the Matriarch and the fact that she was nearly on the verge of tears at the mere mention of her sister and law. Needless to say she was upset and frustrated in more than one way. She did her best to hide it from her girls, but it was hard. Finally fed up with it all, she waited till Hera and Desponia had gone out on one of their adventures and then lifted her muzzle and called for Conan and Conan alone. She had to speak with him weather he wanted to or not. She had to know where they stood. She couldn't run this pack on her own, she needed her husband at her side. "Talk" "You" Think

He didn't quite understand why he felt the way that he did, but he couldn't shake the feeling that was something was going on with Phoebe, something that she wasn't telling him. Something had happened but as far as what it was, his guess was as good as any. He hadn't approached her about it, wanting her to approach him and tell him of her volition, that is if there really was anything going on, which he sincerely hoped there wasn't. After the pack meeting, everything seemed very surreal. Natalya, the woman whom he met upon first arriving in Alacritis was dying. From what it seemed that no one knew, but it appeared that she didn't have very much longer on this earth and it tore at the titan to know that such a good woman was going to be gone soon. But it was the way things worked and who was he to question it. Phoebe's voice would ring, calling to the sooty titan, requesting his presence. He would hesitate, debating whether he should really go or if he really wanted to go, but figuring he might as see what she wanted, Conan would go to her. Deep down the man loved her, there no denying it, but what she told him today could possibly change some things for them. It would be a few minutes before he would happen upon her, ruby eyes examining her figure as he padded up, leaving a good amount of space between them, large crown dipping towards her in silent greeting, awaiting to see what it was that she needed. Speech

Phoebe would settle down onto her haunches and sigh while she waited for Conan's large form to appear. She shrugged her shoulders, trying her best to keep the anxiety and fear at bay. Oh if she could just rewind time. She would turn the clock back to when it was just her and Atlas, to when her biggest concern had been how she was going to get away from her brother long enough to go play around with the brute she had run across the day before. It felt like lifetimes had passed since then. Nothing was the same, nothing would ever be as easy as those early days. She hoped that her children would never have to feel the stress she felt now. She wanted them to just play and have their adventures for the rest of their lives. She knew that was impossible, but she could still wish for it to be so. Finally, after several minutes, Conan arrived. He would keep his distance and would remain silent, only dipping his head in greeting. It seemed like a canyon was between them. A distance that felt nearly impossible to cross. "Conan..." she breathed in a sigh, rising to her paws and taking one step forward before stopping herself, her ears falling back against her skull. She wanted to go to him, to press into his fur, but could she? "Conan, I..." She had planned out every word she had wanted to say, everything she wanted to get across, but now all of her words were gone. She was frazzled and speechless. The new Matriarch tried to steady herself, reminding herself to breathe and think. Two things that seemed incredibly difficult right now. "I have to be honest with you," she finally bust out with, surprising even herself. She had thought that she wanted to just hide away her sins and forget it had ever happened, but she couldn't do that to Conan. He was too good. He didn't deserve her and her broken self. She forced her silver gaze to stay up on his face, as much as she really wanted to stare at her paws as she spoke. "A while ago, back during the winter... I ran into one of Hera and Desponia's fathers. I... I cheated on you Conan. I didn't mean for it to happen..." Her throat constricted with tears and her gaze shined with them. "I wanted to see if he was real. Those months when I was broken... All the memories from that time feel like a dream and it felt like you were getting more distant and the girls were always gone..." Her eyes finally fell from his face, her ears pinned back against her head and her head hung in shame. "I never meant to hurt you... I want to be the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect sister, the perfect pack member... I fail at everything, I've failed you." Her voice was nothing more than a soft rasp. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. You can leave if you want to... I won't stop you, I won't beg." Oh how her girls would hate her if he left. Although he hadn't been around her or them much in the recent days, he was still a favorite of her girls, especially Hera. How would she explain it to them? "Talk" "You" Think

It felt odd to be standing so far from Phoebe. He remembered the times where they would greet each other, even if they'd just seen each other a few moments ago, with such affection that it was hard to deny that they loved one another. Every muscle in his body was pulling him towards the red woman, asking him to touch her, to mesh his fur with hers, to fawn over her with kisses and tell her how much he loved her...but he couldn't make himself do it, despite it being the one thing he wanted to do the most right that moment. It seemed that Phoebe was on the same wave length, rising to her paws at his approach, taking a step forward as if to greet him before she caught herself, stopping herself from moving any farther. Conan would rock forward, his paws shuffling ever so slightly forward with every intention to close what seemed to be a great distance between them but he would keep himself rooted to the spot, ruby gaze steadily watching her, waiting. She would breathe out his name and he would damned if ever ounce of his self control didn't snap right then and there. He didn't want to feel like he couldn't embrace his wife and love her like he'd been doing since having returned to her, but it was impossible to shake the feelings that barred him from doing so. I have to be honest with you. The titan would tense up, his ears falling to half mast, tail lashing uneasily between his hocks, the organ in his chest picking up its pace. Why did she have to be honest with him? Had she not been doing so up until then? Dread began to leek into his veins as he continued to listen to what she had to say. A while ago, back during the winter... I ran into one of Hera and Desponia's fathers. I... I cheated on you Conan. I didn't mean for it to happen...I wanted to see if he was real. Those months when I was broken... All the memories from that time feel like a dream and it felt like you were getting more distant and the girls were always gone... Everything after that was a blur. He couldn't hear what she saying after that. It was like he went deaf. The whole world narrowed down to a tunnel and he could see nothing past that tunnel. Numbness took over the beast, his legs collapsing beneath him as he crumpled to the ground. His chest felt too tight, like he wasn't getting enough oxygen. She....cheated on him...Phoebe took another man to her bed....Hot tears that he couldn't feel started trickling down his sooty cheeks as he lied there, unable to think or talk. He was just numb. Completely and utterly numb. What was he supposed to do? What should he do? Why had this happened to him... Speech

She had expected him to storm off, for him to be angry, or him to lash out, for him to curse her, for any combination of those things... she wasn't prepared for this. He crumpled under the weight of her confession, shocking and frightening tears running down his cheeks. Phoebe watched, horrified by what she had done to the man she loved. She had done this, she had broken him. Every where she went, everything she touched, she ruined it. It would just be better if she just entrusted Hera and Desponia to Conan, if he would even take them, and just leave. She didn't know where she would go, what she would do, but it had to be better that staying here and hurting those that she loved. That's all she had ever done, even back when it had just been her and Atlas. Her litter mate had always been chasing after her, doing his darnedest to keep her safe from her own reckless actions. She had made it as hard as she possibly could on him and now he was gone. Natalya and Helios had taken her under their wing and she had run off, betraying their family's ideals and sleeping with every man she could find. Even when she came home pregnant with stranger's children they had forgiven her and promoted her to one of the highest positions in the pack and had given her daughters all the love they would have a regular family member. Conan had forgiven her past and had adopted her daughters like his own, but still she couldn't make herself remain loyal and simply give Conan the love he deserved. Unfortunately she had Pantheon to think about now. She was the Matriarch, she couldn't just up and leave. She was trapped here for better or for worse until she found someone suitable to take the throne. A desperate, aching whine left her throat, taking another small step toward him. She wanted to fix what she had broken, but she wasn't sure she could. She was positive the best she could do was pick up the pieces and place them back in the right order. There would still be cracks, there would still be pain. Tears spilled from her own eyes, surprising herself with the wetness on her cheeks. She slowly, step by step, moved closer to him till she was inches form him. Her body craved him. She wanted to mold into him, feel his fur mingled with hers, savor his warmth. However, all she would allow herself to do was lean in and press her nose to his cheek, gently licking the salty tears from his fur if he would even allow her that much contact with him. "I'm not worthy of you..." she whispered, echoing what she had told him the day he had found her all that time ago. She wouldn't meet his gaze, standing as close to him as she could bear but still keeping her eyes downcast with shame. "I break everything I touch. You deserve someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve... not someone like me." She paused, swallowing hard around the lump in her throat. "I love you. I love you so deeply... and my daughters - our daughters - love you too. But I... I can't trust myself." "Talk" "You" Think

He couldn't hear her whine. He couldn't hear anything. He couldn't feel anything. He couldn't say anything. He couldn't do anything. He was a behemoth, a beast capable of ripping a wolf into bite sized pieces of the need arose, and yet here he was, rendered mute and motionless. Love has a funny way of fucking you up like that. It was only after Phoebe crawled to him, her nose pressing against his wet cheek as she began to clear his tears away that everything came snapping back to him. It was like someone snapped a rubber band and suddenly he could hear and see her again. And it hurt. God damnit it hurt to look at her, to know that the woman whom he loved more than his life had decided to bed another man. But could he really blame her? Who was at fault for this? Surely he must have had some kind of fault for her action. Had he not been attentive enough for her? There were a million things that he could've done wrong and he didn't want to sit and think about them. Regardless of whose fault it was and why it happened, the beast couldn't deny that it hurt worse than any physical injury he had ever sustained. I'm not worthy of you...I break everything I touch. You deserve someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve... not someone like me. I love you. I love you so deeply... and my daughters - our daughters - love you too. But I... I can't trust myself. He would raise his ruby eyes to her face, noticing that her eyes were downcast unable to meet his. He wanted to force her to look at him, to tell him all of this straight in the eye, but he wasn't sure he would be able to handle it. I love you... Her words resonated deeply within him, snipping away at his heart strings, a flood of emotions crashing over the man, something that he had only encountered one other time in his life. The force of his emotions would drive his head down, far below Phoebe so that his skull would lay at her paws, ears flat against his skull as powerful sobs rocked his frame. Conan sobbed in earnest into Phoebe's paws, unable to keep his emotions in check. He didn't know what to do with himself or with Phoebe. Part of him wanted to turn her away, to shove her out of his life for good for having done something so terrible to him, but there were the girls to think about. He couldn't just leave the girls....Was this her way of getting back at him for having disappeared all those seasons ago in the storm? He didn't know anything anymore... Speech

She had completely shattered him. With just a few words she had broken this hulking warrior down. Conan's head fell to the ground, his large skull at her paws while he sobbed uncontrollably. Seeing him like this was more of a punishment than she could have ever given herself. Her heart ached and her throat squeezed tight with tears. She would let herself settle down onto her stomach in front of him, his head now between her front legs as they laid flat against the ground. A heavy sob snuck up on her and her body shook with it, the force of her pain making her tremble. "Please... Please don't cry..." she choked out, carefully lapping away the tears from his cheeks while he continued to cry, making her task endless. She finally couldn't hold herself together in any shape or form, finally giving up keeping herself from him and instead pressing her face into the fur on his neck. The sudden rush of his scent and his touch acted like a shock to her system, sharpening the agony that her emotions was causing her. She sobbed into his fur, barely able to make any form of words. "I'm s-sorry... I'm so, so sorry..." she managed, but even that was muffled and choked. It took her several moments before she was able to gather herself enough to pull away from his neck and when she did it felt like she had ripped off one of her own limbs. Everything hurt and nothing was okay. She could have kept this hidden, could have let this die away into nothing, but she never could have looked Conan in the eye again. She would have never forgiven herself. Now she had told him and now she would have to live with her consequences. "If you want to go just go... Please, just... The girls will be okay. I'm the bad guy here, I'll make sure they know that... I can't make you stay, not after what I did..." "Talk" "You" Think

The warrior part of him was severely disappointed in himself. How had he allowed a woman to break him so badly that he was a shattered piles of tears at her paws? He was better than this. He was stronger than this, but in that moment it didn't feel like it. How could he be okay when the woman that he loved had just confessed that she had cheated on him with another? Another part of him longed to find the bastard and make sure that he never came within hearing distance of Phoebe again, but he didn't know the details of the encounter. He didn't know of Phoebe had convinced him to bed with her or if he'd tried turning her away and eventually gave in or he'd gone to her and forced himself on her. Frankly, he didn't want to know the details. It was bad enough knowing that it happened, he didn't need to know who she'd done with it too. His sobbing would cause a chain reaction in Phoebe as her sobs began to rock her smaller frame in time with his own. She would beg him not to cry, apologizing profusely. But nothing that she could say would quell his tears. Her touch would be the only thing to break through his torrent of emotions, if only slightly. Her touch seared his flesh and he shuddered hard against her. The force of his sobs would start to lessen, the waves of emotions crashing through him beginning to take a toll on him. He could feel her pull away from and he thought for sure she was going to get up and leave him for good, but instead she explaining that she wasn't expecting him to say. All of his physical energy was completely depleted, the titan barely having the energy to blink. He would muster up all the energy that he had, scooting his massive form up against hers, curling his body protectively against her own, pressing his skull against her chest as his lids fluttered, fighting the exhaustion that was trying to take over him. I love you... He would murmur finally, his voice muffled against her coat as he finally gave into his exhaustion, a shuddering breath racking his body as he eyes fluttered closed. Speech

Instead of pushing her away or even just telling her to leave he did the exact oposite. Despite everything he actually moved toward her. She was stunned into still silence, watching while she sniffled softly and blinked away her tears, her blood shot silver gaze wide with shock. He scooted closer and pressed his skull into her chest, curling around her and ending up with his head resting across her forelegs. Then he whispered the three words she had convinced herself she would never hear from him again. I love you... She could have sworn that her heart stopped dead in her chest. Her breath got caught in her lungs and she stared at him in disbelief, watching as he suddenly drifted to sleep, clearly so terribly exhausted from it all.

All at once the emotions crashed over her again and she melted into him like ice on a hot day. Tears began to run down her cheeks again, but this time it was tears of desperate, tired relief. Her crying was half sobs and half laughter, too delirious in her own exhaustion to know what to make of herself. She burried her face into the thick fur of his scruff, breathing him in and letting her eyes close as she soaked him in. His warmth, his scent, everything. At least for a few moments longer she still had him and she was going to savor every moment. Who knew what he was going to say when he woke up again. She sighed heavily, relaxing into his form and quickly sinking into sleep herself.


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