He took a deep breath as he stood in the gentle grasses of the thicket, gazing around the packlands that were once so new. He didn't much like it here. Well, no that was a lie. He liked the thicket, it grew some interesting plants that he hadn't had access too before. What he didn't like were the memories. Namely, his inability to do what he should have done. It was that day that he learned he didn't have what it takes to be a lead healer, or to lead anyone in any way. The pressure had been too immense and he had bailed. Just like usual. The more days that go by, the worse he felt about himself and the more tired he felt. But, reguardless of his inner thoughts, he had a job to do. So he was on a hunt, searching for something, anything, that might help the pack heal from this outbreak. Many were so sick, some of his siblings, and he couldn't leave them to handle this on their own, again. Even with Harmony as a great healer, or the rest of the young Abaven wolves growing up and into their own healing abilities. He had an obligation, and a need to right the wrongs he had done...even if he didn't feel so good about his abilities anymore. Shaking his head slowly, he kept moving, searching through the grasses for something to help. It was not about proving himself anymore. If anything, he'd proven himself quiet well that he couldn't be counted upon. No, it was about trying to salvage whatever might be left and try and build his life from there. They would be three soon, and he felt no older than he did when he turned one. Still stuck in this dark, gloomy place in his head, he couldn't help but feel just...exhausted and ready to quit. "Burn Baby Burn" || "Bruciare Bambino Bruciare"

Bass was tired. He was tired of his pack members leaving, tired of the drama. He was done with the lack of confidence in some of his members, namely one of his sons. He was just... tired. His paws dragged on the damp ground as he walked along the borders, feeling a lot older than his five years. He didn't know what to do, about Wren, Allen missing again, or Starlings lack of... well, everything. He was hardly at home, and when he did come back he smelled of another wolf and not at all like Abaven. He was a little bit concerned, but mostly just pissed off. How many times would he have to say good bye? How many times would he have to hear Starling apologize for his actions? Enough was enough, and there was a choice that had to be made. Abandoning his post at the borders, he set off in search for his son. It was a bit harder to track, with the season being so damp, but it didn't take him very long to find the young man wandering around the territory. Taking a deep breath, he set off at a trot and aimed to come to a stop directly in front of him. Standing at a t from Starling, he aimed to block his path and fix him with a hard stare. He fought with his emotions for a bit, before he finally found the words he had wanted to say since the meeting. "It's nice to see you around again, Starling," he started, his voice sounding a bit more gruff than usual. This wasn't going to be an easy conversation, but it needed to happen none-the-less. "You're an adult now, and with that comes responsibility. If you are done with your obligation to your pack and your family, and if you would rather spend your time somewhere else... then why are you still here?" he asked, his eyes narrowing somewhat. "I have refused a lot of old members from rejoining when they leave and don't come back again and again. I hold you to a different standard as my son, but I have given you far more chances than I can count. Next time you need to howl at the borders for re-entrance, and I will see if you still deserve to be within Abaven ranks. You have duties here, Starling. An apprentice who counts on you, and siblings who depend on you. If not for me, you should be doing this for them. You need to get your head out of the clouds and make a choice, before I have to make it for you." Bass knew that his words were harsh, but this was a pack. They had rules, and it was wrong of him to exclude Starling from them just because he was his son. His mothers own rank within the pack was still teetering, his own mate. Bass had to realize that the favoritism was still going on, even though he tried to stop it. Letting out a soft huff, the pain finally reflected in his gaze. He hated this, all of this. But it needed to be done.

"Speech"
'thoughts'
"Italian"

The second he saw his father he had wanted to run. The instinct, while not new, was certainly not usually directed at his father. He missed him, the desire to do anything to make his father proud still drove him. But it seemed ever step he took, every month he was disappointing Bass further and further. He swallowed against the anxiety risen in his throat, eyes wide as his father and alpha stopped before him. He dipped his head slowly out of respect, his breath caught his in lungs as he waited. And he didn't have to wait long. It was instantaneous, the questioning, the guilt he felt, the horrible anxiety and thoughts. He listened to what his father said, but his gaze fell to the ground beneath his feet. Shoulders rolled slowly in defense as he almost shrunk in on himself. This was a man Starling felt he could never please, because he was just never enough. He constantly made mistakes, stayed out too long. And here his father was telling him he better get it all together or he should leave. And for a moment, he was tempted. But his family was his life, everything he did was for them, even if everything he did was just...one mistake after another. Slowly he lifted his gaze back up to his father, the anger, the self loathing, the anguish and the depression swam in large blue oceans as he stared at him. "M-most of the time...I leave to s-seek more kn-knowledge. T-to get l-lessons from w-wolves wh-who know th-things that o-our healers d-do n-not. I hunt h-herbs fa-far and w-wide so w-we have access t-to medicine we w-wouldn't otherwise." He said softly. He doubted anyone in Ardent had a map of herb locations as detailed as Starling's. "T-travel i-is l-long...and d-difficult. But I n-never intend n-not to return..." He whispered, his voice cracking in his lungs. His father had assumed Starling was abandoning the pack? Wandering off like their mother? Sure...he may take much longer than necessary to come home, he may spend too much time with Cathaoir or those he found to teach or to be taught. "But.." He whispered then, looking at the grass beneath his feet once more. "You're right..." He whispered in the smallest of voices. "Forse dovrei lasciare, sono stato inutile Abaven...non importa quanto ci provo. Non riesco a vedere me essere qualsiasi uso...non più." He nearly breathed, the words lacking much sound as the truth of it pierced through his heart. "Non posso renderti orgoglioso..." "Burn Baby Burn" || "Bruciare Bambino Bruciare"