Dying wildflowers in numbers that can't even be imagined created a plush cushion beneath immense paws. Each time they were crushed beneath his toes, a plume of aromatic air would burst into being. The scents of any others was obliterated with each step along the cliff. Humming softly to himself, he finally let his mind wander to the source of his stress. The fight between Samael and Michael. Surely word had passed to the rest of the family by now, and what would become of the herald was completely unknown. Would the wrath of the Lord fall upon him next? Fallen, away from the love of his family, the herald would die. Loneliness would destroy him. Settling on his rump, empty gaze would lower. Lower jaw brushed by the golden fur of his chest, he could feel the tears welling hot and itchy in his eyes. "Lord, give me strength. What do I do?" He whispered, inaudible over the crash of waves far below. This was not sin. It wasn't. How could he balance his love for his family with his love of the Lord? Serving his Father and spreading the gospel brought him joy. However, the loathing of the Fallen simply did not make sense in his mind. Doubting the Lord was weighing on his shoulders, crushing him beneath its weight. He was Atlas, carrying the world upon his back. It was too much to bear. Michael, the right hand. He had wrought this upon him. Samael had been the first pebble rolling down the mountain, and slowly others came clattering down after him. Pearlescent auds pressed against his skull, lips curling as hot tears began to roll down his cheeks. He loved his Father, so dearly, and he loved his family more than life itself. Betraying them was unquestionable. He had already let Samael down, in not standing against the Lord when he had asked the worst of the youngest male. He couldn't fail the rest of them. Who had asked Samael to fight him anyways? Gabriel could defend himself! He wasn't incapable, he had been holding his own well enough against the right hand. Things wouldn't have escalated if Samael hadn't stepped in. Who gave him the right to fight Gabriel's battles? Sniffles contorted his face. Shallow breaths strained his chest. Why was everything so complicated? Loving family was the most important thing, Father had made it clear. Yet, as soon as they had sinned, all the feelings and love were supposed to vanish? It was cruel. Lifting one paw, he would wipe at his face with his bent wrist. "Gabriel" Thoughts "Samael" I'M CALLING YOU FROM THE FUTURE TO LET YOU KNOW WE MADE A MISTAKE

He had tracked Gabe down once more. Gabe hadn't asked for solitude in so many words but Sam had given it to him nonetheless. His ears pressed back. He knew what he should do, but he was too much a coward to do so. He could not think of facing the world alone once more, not when he was so close to having someone else to stand with him.

He padded along, his head hung in shame. Gabe's words still stung but he didn't let it show. It was a survival mechanism he had learned. If he didn't let anyone know they had gotten to him then he would be okay, he would live to cry in solitude alone like the failure he was. For that's what he was. Gabe did a good job reminding him of that. That he was alone and would never know the love of his family as he once had. Gabe hated him, and held such disgust and disdain for him.

Then there was Michael, a saint of the purest rage. He hated Sam so much. Wanted Sam dead. How was he to cope with the rage that Mike held for him?

He padded on gentle paws. He knew he was at his breaking point. Mike had thrown a wrench in his happiness. Had made sure Sam couldn't continue to live the lie he did. As he viewed Gabe ahead he stopped. They were all least 20 feet from each other but Sam couldn't bring himself to close the distance. Instead he reminded himself what others saw, a monster. A being so worth nothing it deserved nothing more than death. He lowered himself to the ground there. His ears pressed back. He made himself the easiest prey Gabriel had ever hunted in that moment. His head touched the ground and he lowered his eyes from Gabe.

If Gabe ended him and took his hide back all would be made well again. Or at least that's what he told himself. No word was needed to let Gabe know he was there. He hadn't conceal his approach or tried to hide his scent. The wind blew it directly to Gabe. He didn't want to surprise the Herald.

Wind brought with it sounds. Heavy steps and testosterone rich musk. Sniffling once more, he tried to hurriedly wipe tears from his cheeks. The stains had already settled into the golden fur of his cheeks. He looked a mess, without a doubt. The vibrations of a large body slumping onto the ground quaked through his bones. The herald made a point not to move towards his younger brother. The chilled shoulder, that was what it was called? Samael had maintained a large distance, but nonetheless he was there. Shallow breaths deepened, steadied slowly. A feeling of numbness washed through his veins, mistaken for calm. Everything had come tumbling out with his tears, and now there was nothing left in him. He got to his feet. Samael should pay for mucking things up all over again. Punished, like the insolent child that he was. Slow movements would pull his body around, until he could track his brother by scent. Half hearted aggression on his face, audits tilted back and lips curled just a little. This was all his fault. Gabriel had never harmed another soul, aside from the occasional cuff to the head of his siblings when they were young. Would he throw that record away today? Submission bled from the other man's pores. He lay prone and unmoving. Bared fangs found themselves hovering over Samael's skull. He would take the man's sight from him too, teach him what this life was like. Make him know the hurt it felt to be constantly treated as a child. A low growl rumbled in his chest, a threat against his brother. No. Ever the coward, Gabriel found his jaws clamping shut mere millimetres from the delicate organs of Samael's face. The growl would reach a crescendo, and then he turned on a heel. Alabaster paw would swipe angrily at the dirt underfoot, sending shrivelled flowers flying across the ground. "You were foolish, Lucifer." He snarled, keeping his back to the snivelling boy. He wished he could summon up the energy to be angry. Fill himself with righteous fury as Michael always did. Instead, he was only tired. "You've made a mess of everything, again." Words hurt. Gabriel knew this all too well. He wanted to make Samael feel his pain, and know how it felt to ache in his chest for the love of his family and the simplicity of the past. "Gabriel" Thoughts "Samael" I'M CALLING YOU FROM THE FUTURE TO LET YOU KNOW WE MADE A MISTAKE

He watched for only seconds as Gabe became angered before his sunset gaze was brought to look away. He could feel the disappointment and anger there. His ears pressed back even farther. This would be it. He would be dead and released from his eternal suffering. He closed his eyes and to one a shaky deep breath. Tears spilled over his cheeks but he stayed silent. He wouldn't let Gabe hear the hitch in his breath or the shiver of fear that ran along his spine. He had made his bed it was time to lay in it.

Then nothing came. The sound of teeth clicking brought his eyes to open and look at Gabe as he refused. There it was, the Gabe he knew making it's way to be known. Gabe wouldn't fight, not that he couldn't. No Sam knew better than to think such a thing. Gabe was just not the type to defend himself or attack.

He gave a sigh as Gabe began his lecture. How easy had Mike said killing was when it was for the Lord? He remembered the lesson that he took under Michael as a child, how he had been questioning why they needed to kill to prove they loved father. How Gabe reacted he couldn't recall but if he had to imagine it was appalled at such thoughts. That Sam could easily question these teachings and not just embrace them as they were. Well now he was embracing them.

"I know..... I can't stand it though. The only one who's ever fucked up is me and I should be the only one to receive his ire...." his voice he wasn't even sure was his. To him it sounded like he was back in time. Like he was a child again.

He didn't rise even as Gabe turned his back to him. The sound that rose from him he wasn't sure what it was. Perhaps half whine and half groan? No that wasn't it was it? He couldn't figure it out. The scent of Gabe surrounded him and he shook with the wave of emotions. Heartbreak, relief, love, lust, and a need to comfort and be comforted. He knew them all.

He knew what they asked of him and he couldn't find it in himself to erase his sins. "Don't ask it of me Lord Gabriel..... I can't do it..... They just warp into those innocent children again.... I can't just erase my sins and pretend....."

Samael did not beg, did not raise his voice all brash and teasing. No, it remained quiet and tense. He could hear the soft sound of his breathing, barely audible over the sea hundred of feet below. It was raging, just as his pulse did. "I know..... I can't stand it though. The only one who's ever fucked up is me and I should be the only one to receive his ire...." The young man sounded so pitiful, voice crackling with emotion. It was a raw moment, just as the wounds in their chests were reopened to bleed in the open air. The herald would not speak. It wasn't time to say anything. All that would emerge from his jaws would be the preaching of a fanatic. Another broken uttering, high in pitch and sinking low to a bone deep sound of pain. "Don't ask it of me Lord Gabriel..... I can't do it..... They just warp into those innocent children again.... I can't just erase my sins and pretend....." "Don't call me that." He snapped. Crown would swing around, cheek close to shoulder. Chiselled visage twisted in a snarl. "I reach nowhere near His divinity." It was true. He was a mortal beast, liable to succumb. The sins of mortals wormed their way into his heart; doubt, disobedience, greed. He had felt them all. He could never ascend with their weight upon his immortal soul. A long breath. One. He blinked once, to clear his head. Two. Turned to put his body in line with the form of the younger male. Three. Four. The title of Lord upon his name made him feel dirty. Wrong. Five. Six. Rump would drop gracelessly onto the ground, a plume of heady scents flooding his senses. He breathed it in. Seven. Eight. Nine. Lord, he was so tired. He could sleep for days. Ten. "I do not ask that you slaughter your children, Lucifer." He finally said. Low vocals were rough with the emotions of the past few minutes. "I am not Him." No, and he never would be. Michael would likely take up the mantle, and destroy the name of the Lord with his hatred and rage. Deep breath. Another. The stink of rotting seaweed briefly invaded his nostrils. The sea was an anchor in this moment. Distant but alive. "It is not your place to interfere with our business. You abdicated that when you Fell." He said sternly. Gabriel would not forget what had caused this, not even in the face of Samael's sorrows. "If I needed someone to protect me, I would not venture out on my own." He chided absently, snout pointed in an entirely different direction. Features were turned to the sea, expression distant and unnervingly blank. "Gabriel" Thoughts "Samael" I'M CALLING YOU FROM THE FUTURE TO LET YOU KNOW WE MADE A MISTAKE

He layed there his head on the ground as Gabe countered his words. His heart felt like it was stabbed. Here was the apostle Gabriel, the man he couldn't deny his love for, abdictating what he was. Telling Sam exactly what he was not and that Gabe himself was not reaching for the divinity that was offered. "You deny it Gabriel, but your stronger and more perfect than any of the others. You have never found the women to be tempting, you spread the gospel and sing him praises when others cannot. You are a Lord among the guardians...." he trailed off quietly. He didn't want to fight. He didn't want Gabe to know how truly imperfect he was. How in his heart he committed sin time and time again.

Gabe went on and he lifted his head. Gabe wouldn't ever let him forget that a sinner was all he would be, because forgiveness was not in Abba's heart. "yes Gabe. I. FELL. I SINNED. That doesn't mean I can stop caring. That I want to sit idly by andc watch my brothers destroy each other because I fucked up and I can't stop fucking up. You say you can protect yourself but what happens wehen the bite is not mine? What happens when that bite comes from Michael? Or Raphael? Or uriel? Or Lord forbid from abba himself? Huh?" he didn't wait for an answer he already knew the answer. Gabe would roll over and let them beat the crap out of him and the entire time think he deserved it. "Do you know who he named me before I fell? Or do you forget that part and tell yourself I was never one to begin with? Samael Morningstar. The lover. The protector of innocence. I cannot ignore what is ingrained into my heart even to this day. I tried. It just leads to alot of pain on my end and self blaming. I'll not sit by when he blames you or any other for my shortcomings." he lacked anger. He had none left to give. His hatred was used up. But now he had a new mission.

"It has been through my darkness that I have found a light Gabriel. I need no guidance but I wish for it. Oh I wish for it. I long to feel the love I once felt, but such is a fantasy I shall never see. So I shall rise on my own. I will protect those I can from the wrath and become who I was meant to be with or without your paws to guide me. I will be the shephard of the sinners and take the punishment for all that find me. For it is my burden to bear the sins of others. He will not have me anymore but in my heart I still hold him." he sat up and rose showing only the strength he knew lay dormant in him. Gabriel could take it as he wish but he was the first to receive Sam's gospel in a year.

He pushed his ears forward. He watched Gabe. He knew Gabe wo u ld take this as a sign that Sam was either giving into the darkness and would never return or that Sam was rising from it as the true sinner he was. Did Gabe hate him for this? Did he find Sam repulsive? Sam was going to take punishment for things he had never commuted whether Gabe liked it or not. "The first punishment shall be for you gabriel... You spoke to a demon, showed him compassion when he needed it most.... when he doubted there was good in the world still. For you I shall take the punishment. I will fall time and time again if it means those with good in their heart can continue to live in the light. If you will have those I send to you and give their punishment to me that is." his eyes had hardened by his resolve. He knew Gabriel would never be his but by sending those that he took punishment for to him Sam was showing him absolute love and faith. If abba did not approve Sam would take the punishments he gave as well. "No one deserves to fall and not be forgiven ever again. Not while I live." that was a barely audible whisper. Family meant everything to Sam and he would keep it safe this way.

ooc. 1107 words wtf As soon as he rejected the title of Lord, Samael asserted himself. Yet again, he continued his sinful ways. Gabriel was not the man his Father was. "You deny it Gabriel, but your stronger and more perfect than any of the others. You have never found the women to be tempting, you spread the gospel and sing him praises when others cannot. You are a Lord among the guardians...." Samael's voice softened near the end, trailing off. These things were true, but they did not make him divine. It made him pure. Save for his distaste for women. That was his sin, embedded within the core of his being. He curled his lip disdainfully, self loathing piqued. "My inability to feel the pull of a woman is sin. Continuing the bloodline is vital, Lucifer. My soul is tarnished, I am broken in that respect." He said sternly, shaking out his ruff anxiously. He loathed this part of himself, his attraction to men and lack of sexual desires. There was only one thing he was good for, and he couldn't even do that. The grass rustled as Samael raised his voice. Auds would swivel back, tilting towards his skull. "yes Gabe. I. FELL. I SINNED. That doesn't mean I can stop caring. That I want to sit idly by andc watch my brothers destroy each other because I fucked up and I can't stop fucking up. You say you can protect yourself but what happens when the bite is not mine? What happens when that bite comes from Michael? Or Raphael? Or Uriel? Or Lord forbid from Abba himself? Huh?" He was going off on Gabriel, anger peeking through the cracks of his calm facade. Gabriel sighed, shoulder slumping. He had mentioned the name of the Lord. Gabriel would have to retreat to the water soon, cleanse the sins from his skin. Beg forgiveness from the Father for hearing his true name. "Then I will have deserv-" He couldn't be allowed to finish. Samael continued on his rant, his preaching. He was not going to see reason, not now, possibly not ever. "Do you know who he named me before I fell? Or do you forget that part and tell yourself I was never one to begin with? Samael Morningstar. The lover. The protector of innocence. I cannot ignore what is ingrained into my heart even to this day. I tried. It just leads to a lot of pain on my end and self blaming. I'll not sit by when he blames you or any other for my shortcomings." That one stung. Accusations fell like venom from his tongue. The herald could never forget the past, how simple and peaceful everything had once been. The tiny, bouncy body of a young Samael shoved his phantom shoulder into Gabriel's ribs. His giddy laughter echoed quietly in the back of his mind. "Of course I remember. You think I would forget your youth and innocence? Those were some of the greatest days of my life, caring for you and your siblings. Being there to see you grow and prosper was a blessing from the Lord." He insisted, a soft and nostalgic smile daring to grace his lips. Basking in the love of those children had fuelled him, given him strength when he had otherwise none. "It has been through my darkness that I have found a light Gabriel. I need no guidance but I wish for it. Oh I wish for it. I long to feel the love I once felt, but such is a fantasy I shall never see. So I shall rise on my own. I will protect those I can from the wrath and become who I was meant to be with or without your paws to guide me. I will be the shepherd of the sinners and take the punishment for all that find me. For it is my burden to bear the sins of others. He will not have me anymore but in my heart I still hold him." It took a moment for him to absorb all of this information, expression blank. The gears in his head spun wildly. He could hear the grass rustling, flowers crushing beneath Samael's paws. Finally, it all fit together. A soft hum would rise from his throat, chin dipping in a soft nod. "That is noble of you, Lucifer. I am proud that you have found enlightenment." He crooned softly, smiling just a little. His brother was finding where he fit in the world. It was a good place, where he was doing something helpful and beneficial to the surrounding community. "The first punishment shall be for you Gabriel... You spoke to a demon, showed him compassion when he needed it most.... when he doubted there was good in the world still. For you I shall take the punishment. I will fall time and time again if it means those with good in their heart can continue to live in the light. If you will have those I send to you and give their punishment to me that is." This was beginning to become real. All of the sudden, Samael was asking things of him. Things he might not be able to do. Harm his brother? No, that was out of the question. It was neither his place nor was it his desire. Pushing himself rigid with long forelimbs, alabaster ears shoved tight against his skull. A quick, decisive shake of his head. "I would not harm you then, and I will not cause you pain now, Lucifer. This should not be your burden- you deserve love and tenderness from those you choose to give your heart to." He asserted, haunches unfurling to lift him into a wary stance. Part of him felt the urge to reach out, comfort the Fallen brother. He had been deeply wounded by Gabriel's betrayal, and he deserved to be free of that. Tail wagged anxiously against his heels, muscles clenching and unclenching with nerves. He didn't like the way this was going. "Gabriel" Thoughts "Samael" I'M CALLING YOU FROM THE FUTURE TO LET YOU KNOW WE MADE A MISTAKE

He silenced himself, listening to Gabe then. So he too found an imperfection in himself. But if Gabe could not find women attractive then did he find men attractive? or did none appease his eyes? Sam knew he was imperfect in such ways. But the question remained, did Gabe sin by loving a man and who was that man? The thought of Gabe loving another hurt but he couldn't make Gabe love him as Gabe likely detested him completely.

The nostalgic smile did not go unnoticed either. It looked good on Gabe. Made Sam almost break his resolve to let Gabriel go and allow him to love who he would. That was what you did when you loved someone right? You sacrificed your own happiness for theirs right? Right. He needed to let Gabe go, and if Gabe came to him then perhaps it was meant to be. He would have to watch from afar, come when called and do something to make Gabe proud of him.

Then Gabe denied being able to cause him harm. The one request Sam made because it would keep it in the back of his mind that to love would bring pain. Sleeping around was much easier than loving someone. He couldn't let Gabe think he did not know love from his children. Nor could it stay bottled anymore. Samael wouldn't outright say it. That would ruin their relationship and he would take what Gabe could give. "They do love me, but they also hate me for letting their mothers die. But it is not their love I hunt for Gabriel, I love one that cannot love me in return and it is for that reason I must allow him to go free. I chose to let the love fester until it hurts but I know in my head this is what is right of me. He will find another that can love him and give him everything in the world without him being forced to bear my sins or him to fall." that should give Gabe the clues he needed. As much as it hurt for him to do this Gabe needed this. He sat stock still and waited for the pieces to click in Gabe's head.

Samael hadn't moved. Hadn't come any closer or moved away. He said nothing about Gabriel's inability to love women. Was he judging the left hand? Did he think less of him now? For Samael to bed males was one thing, to be expected of a sinner such as himself. But for Gabriel? Unthinkable. Nostrils would flare momentarily, drawing in a rushed breath. The sea grounded him again. The scent of salt and the sound of it crashing against the cliffside. "They do love me, but they also hate me for letting their mothers die. But it is not their love I hunt for Gabriel, I love one that cannot love me in return and it is for that reason I must allow him to go free. I chose to let the love fester until it hurts but I know in my head this is what is right of me. He will find another that can love him and give him everything in the world without him being forced to bear my sins or him to fall." Samael spoke rather softly. The usual bravado had long since left his voice. It was unnerving. Who had captured Samael's heart like this? That his love festered like an open sore, oozing upon everything he touched. It sounded like agony. ... forced to bear my sins... Oh. A soft snort shoved itself from his lungs. Crown tilted to one side in confusion, auds pressed flat against his skull. "What are you saying?" He was shaken, baritones trembling to reflect that. None of this made sense. When the young Morningstar had fallen for those two sisters, it had been a tragedy- but an understandable one. They had both been lovely, without a doubt. Gabriel had tried to clean the blood from them after the group had abandoned the scene. Laid foliage over their corpses, left them to rot peacefully. "We are brothers." He said softly. Of course he loved Samael, he had raised the boy. But this? It was blasphemy of the highest sort. What did this mean for their future relationship? The thought hurt his head like a physical blow. "Gabriel" Thoughts "Samael" I'M CALLING YOU FROM THE FUTURE TO LET YOU KNOW WE MADE A MISTAKE

He watched Gabe. His eyes were full of his love for his brother. It wasn't right and he knew it. He was not so stupid as to think this could be. It had been a daydream. His heart was breaking. He knew what he had to do but doing it was the hardest thing he had done all his life.

Gabe's words were heard but Sam had nothing for gabe but silence. He rose then. His feet bringing him to stand beside and behind Gabe before he sat. Hopefully Gabe would just give him this at least. That Gabe would realize what Sam was doing. His head lowered to sit atop Gabe's and between his ears. His eyes spilled tears freely now. His voice came, breaking at times but soft nonetheless. "I know, that is why I must do this. I couldn't stop myself from allowing the feeling to fester and taint me. But it's okay, it's my burden to bear, not yours. Tomorrow when you wake up I'll be gone, you'll forget I ever existed. Samael will be no more. You'll go find a man who can love you one day when father dies. If he truly loves you as he says he does Mike will get over it. Raph will learn to accept it. And I'll just be a memory that is better left behind."

He sat there in silence after that for a few moments. His ears pressed back and he gave a defeated sigh. "Should You need me I will come. You already know the name to call. If you seek to find me, look to the stars, the brightest one will be your guide." he was saying goodbye. His heart was breaking in two. Gabe was better without him. After all Gabe would never love him how he wanted and he would never be his. Sam would be no more than a memory. He would be Lucifer Morningstar, the light-bringer.

He opened his eyes and eyed the scene before them with delicateness. His voice came even softer this time. Gabe would hear him though. "the sun is high in the sky. Its rays are dancinging across the waters below... blues and greens meld perfectly with the sun making them sparkle like no other. There's maybe three clouds overhead, white and fluffy with barely a hint of grey in them, there will be no rain today. The flowers below are wilting with the fall coming. Their colors dull now from the long summer. The grasses are turning golden as well. I can see the beach below from here, it's sands are the purest of white....." he soaked it in. The scent of Gabe surrounded him and he couldn't help but feel like he did. The love he radiated for gabe. If Gabe was letting him hold him for the moment then Gabe would know how the tears flowed freely from his eyes now.

This could of been had they been born differently but no not this life. This was the hardest goodbye he had ever given.

Samael didn't speak. Not a word came from him for a few moments. The underfoot foliage shifted beneath the titanic feet of his brother, who moved slowly and carefully. The heat of his body against Gabriel's flank and spine felt wrong now. Knowing that Samael felt sexual attraction when he looked upon the herald had soured his view of their relationship. Squeezing his eyes shut, he felt the muscles along his spine tense. It was blasphemy. The sharp jut of Samael's jaw against the top of his skull was sudden and unexpected. The press of every line of his body against Gabriel's own. It was.... nice. Warm tears spilled onto his alabaster crown. "I know, that is why I must do this. I couldn't stop myself from allowing the feeling to fester and taint me. But it's okay, it's my burden to bear, not yours. Tomorrow when you wake up I'll be gone, you'll forget I ever existed. Samael will be no more. You'll go find a man who can love you one day when father dies. If he truly loves you as he says he does Mike will get over it. Raph will learn to accept it. And I'll just be a memory that is better left behind." Gabriel didn't understand. The soft, broken tones of his baby brother's voice were deafening, yet he couldn't seem to grasp any of it. A heavy sigh ruffled the short fur along the top of his head, swept along the bridge of his muzzle. "Should You need me I will come. You already know the name to call. If you seek to find me, look to the stars, the brightest one will be your guide." The young male said quietly. Did he not remember the fatal flaw of mortality that had its grasp upon the herald? In this moment, there was a chance he did not. That was okay. Eyes wide, auds pressed towards his skull, the male was only confused himself. "I do not understand, Luci. You will be among the stars?" There was very real fear then. Samael was planning to return to the heavens? To ascend? This was all Gabriel's fault. His brother was choosing to die! What had he done? "The sun is high in the sky. Its rays are dancing across the waters below... blues and greens meld perfectly with the sun making them sparkle like no other. There's maybe three clouds overhead, white and fluffy with barely a hint of grey in them, there will be no rain today. The flowers below are wilting with the fall coming. Their colors dull now from the long summer. The grasses are turning golden as well. I can see the beach below from here, it's sands are the purest of white....." This was goodbye. The sorrowful return to their old ways was a farewell from his young sibling. What did this mean? "Gabriel" Thoughts "Samael" I'M CALLING YOU FROM THE FUTURE TO LET YOU KNOW WE MADE A MISTAKE