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Top 7 funniest awkward moments of 2018



Ignatius

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10-25-2018, 12:30 AM
Ig was pretty sure that the chill he felt in the air here was less from autumn being right around the corner and more due to the fact that he'd clearly been traveling north for some time. In fact, he could even see the occasional patch of frosted ground in the shadows of the trees. Soon that would be snow, and although he was better equipped for cold weather than some of his half siblings Ig still planned to be gone by then. He'd explore the more bearable territories for a time, and then maybe come back when it was the middle of summer and the north was as warm as possible. That sounded like a reasonably good plan.

For now though he was aimlessly wandering through this forest with it's insanely tall trees. Did trees even get this big at home? No, they definitely did not. These were monsters, even compared to the one's he'd passed before. Ig shivered with both the cold and a feeling of excitement. It was beautiful here, even the grump Ignatius had to admit it was exciting to find such beautiful lands to just wander around in.

Ahead and to the right a bit he could faintly hear the sounds of... maybe some deer shuffling around? Intrigued, and a little hungry, he meandered in that direction to investigate.



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10-25-2018, 08:03 PM
Sephi had done her best to keep up with Ignatius' aimless path. Of course, 'doing her best' meant trying not to get too distracted along the way. This was an insane place, as far as she was concerned, so that task grew more and more difficult as they travelled into newer and stranger lands. This one, though, topped all the rest she'd seen so far. These trees were gargantuan. Huge. Enormous. Behemoth. Loads of other words she wasn't smart enough to know.

Her neck ached from craning upwards, seeking out the topmost parts of their canopies. She couldn't even begin to fathom how they had achieved such stature or even how long they might have been around. Older than time itself, probably. Forcing herself to focus on her mission, Sephira turned her nose back to the earth. Her dumb brother was close by, she knew it. His scent was strong and fresh. She wasn't exactly quiet about her approach either, hoping that perhaps he would find her before she had to find him. Finally Seph decided that discretion was lame anyways, and so she called out in a sing-song voice, "Ig? Iggyyyy! Come out, come out, wherever you areeee!" Well. Something would find her. She only hoped it would entertain her long enough for Ig to follow suit.



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10-25-2018, 11:24 PM
Knowing that Sephi was on his tail, he couldn't be too startled when her sing-song voice came drifting through the trees. He half expected that she'd come flying out of nowhere in a few minutes and tackle him or something. Yeah, that was a Sephi thing to do. For a moment he was torn. On the one hand, he really wanted to see if there was a creature nearby that he could reasonably hope to take down and eat. On the other, having his sister there to help would probably increase his odds of success. Ugh, fine.

Wandering back the way he came, Ig did his best to be relatively quiet so that if it was a deer back where he'd come from it wouldn't race off before he could get back to it. This also meant that the second he laid eyes on Sephira's multi-colored hide he did his best to suppress any noisy blabbering. "Not a word!" he hissed, padding closer and quickly adding, "There's something up ahead and I am famished. Help your dear brother out on a little hunt?"



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10-26-2018, 09:27 AM
It wasn't long before her brother's vibrant pelt appeared between the brush and massive trunks. Ooh, he looked peeved. Sephira grinned. "Not a word," he hissed, to which Seph immediately opened her mouth and inhaled, with every intention to bellow out something obnoxiously contrary. Luckily for them both, Ig rushed on to tell her there was something potentially edible up ahead. She deflated, expression melting into disappointment of an opportunity missed. Well, she was pretty hungry. "Hmpf," she whispered, rolling her eyes. "Since you asked so nicely." She brushed past him, swishing her tail as she went in the hopes of ever so gently whapping him across the face with it.

Walking back the way he'd come, she soon realized what her brother had been picking up on. Ears pricked atop her head, Sephira soon heard the soft footfalls and breaking brush of something large moving up ahead. Pressing her nose into an oncoming breeze she picked up the scent of... Elk? Woods caribou maybe? She couldn't tell really, or see them just yet. She turned over her shoulder to make sure Ig was still on her heels and ready to talk game plan. From what she could pick up so far there were probably at least a few beasts grazing together, but between the ferns and underbrush it was impossible to tell. "They're close. You ready?" They would have to be smart if the two of them alone were going to take down something so large.



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10-26-2018, 06:07 PM



He was glad he had the foresight to talk before she could do just as predicted and begin babbling loudly for the sole purpose of not doing the thing he asked. Still she'd manage to look wounded as though the promise of food only barely made up for her not getting to launch into a long-winded story about whatever happened to be on her mind. Taking a tail the the face, Ig grimaced and took a moment to question why it was that he put up with this troublesome woman.

It didn't take long to get back to where he'd been, and he made sure to move silently and slowly through the forest. He especially could never risk ending up in a spot that was too visible when tracking prey since he stuck out against any and all terrain. Sephi at least wasn't as bright, lucky woman. The scents of the elk met their noses and Ig was almost concerned that his mouth would start watering. "I'm always ready" he replied, mismatched eyes still intently focused ahead of him as he tried to make out where the prey was through the brush.

It was as a soft snort left a particularly close animal and Ignatius was turning to Seph to ask with a silent glance whether or not they should just go for the closest one that suddenly the once peaceful scene exploded to life. The closest of the elk let out a bellowing call as it took off, racing past so close that the brush where they crouched pulled violently to one side and for a moment Ig thought he'd take a hoof to the face. Then the whole herd was scattering, running past them and one young female even bounced between Ig and Sephi in her hurry to escape. A shout from nearby suggested that the herd had been spooked by another hungry predator.

"TALK" "YOU" THINK



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10-27-2018, 01:31 PM
Ig was clearly in the zone. Seph grinned t her brother, knowing he must be damn hungry to be so focused. Luckily for them both, she would guess that there were upwards of at least ten elk waiting in the brush ahead. She couldn't know for certain, but this seemed to be a herd as opposed to a single beast or even just a pair. Their odds were increased, especially amongst the undergrowth, if only because it would confuse the herd as they fled whereas the two of them would only have to pursue. It wasn't the worst case scenario.

Although, as it happened, the worst case scenario was still near at hand. It began with a snort, and then in an instant the forest around them seemed to explode into motion. The nondescript foliage was alive with movement and sound and hooves. Sephira managed to mutter out one succinct "Well, shit," before it all really went to hell.

A female elk charge through between the two of them, and more blasted through on both sides. The forest around them was suddenly alive with movement and hooves and antlers, all bent on driving the predators away. Sephira wasn't sure what exactly had started the tumult, but figuring it out was not high on her list of priorities. "Get down!" she ordered, absolutely pissed that their potential meal was behaving so poorly. She dove sideways towards a fallen log. It was almost surely a sapling as far as this forest went, but with enough height to hopefully protect them from the now rampaging stampede. Maybe they could pick one off after the... dozens, at least, charged through, but for the time being she was less concerned with a meal than she was with avoiding getting a hoof through her skull.



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10-27-2018, 02:25 PM



The elk just kept coming and coming, hell, there were so many! Sephira didn't have to tell him twice to get down, he was right on her heels as she dove for cover. Crouching behind the log just as a hoof whisked past where his head had been only a moment before. What a mess, they hadn't even gotten started and things were going to shit! There was no way it was them that spooked the herd though, the elk wouldn't have spooked towards them.

Another whoop and holler sounded from a hundred or so yards away, confirming his suspicions. Casting a glance towards Seph he hissed, "If I get a hold of whoever did this..." His lips curled back and his eyes narrowed. At this point he didn't really care that they were unintentionally caught in this, he was already over worrying about being killed.

Just my luck that someone would beat us to the bunch. There wasn't a lot they could do until the Elk stopped flying over them en mass though. So he'd remain crouched, nestled down against the ground and more or less just hoping that the elk would all keep jumping far so none of them landed on him or Seph. He got more antsy the more the oncoming wall of prey thinned.

"TALK" "YOU" THINK



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10-28-2018, 12:34 PM
Sephira was one part irritated, three parts amazed. First off, she had never in her younger years ever dreamed of seeing prey in such abundance. She could for a moment forget the fact that they were currently putting her life in very real danger. It was a war of will to keep her head tucked down when she wanted nothing more than to look around and marvel at the never-ending stampede. From the distance she heard muffled noises, and her brother hissed out in anger. She was on the same page, for the most part, but she gave him a dry laugh in return. "You know I'd hold them down for you, but you have to admit, from a third-person perspective this is sort of cool." Hell, if she was up in the branches looking down on the sea of elk, it would easily be the most amazing thing she'd probably ever see. Unfortunately for them, cowering behind a log didn't really offer the same grandeur. Her ears pricked, trying to pick apart the sounds around them. It sounded like the herd was starting to thin out, but she couldn't be sure... "Once they're past I'm sure there will be a straggler or two left behind," she mumbled, more or less just thinking out loud, but hopefully Ig agreed regardless.



Ignatius

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10-28-2018, 01:00 PM



Sephira had a bit more of a positive outlook, and while Ignatius would rather remain bitter about the whole situation he couldn't deny that he understood what she meant. Even an exceptionally large herd at home wasn't this big. If the number of deer in one spot surpassed a dozen it was probably cause someone managed to drive several groups together. A devilish smile played at his lips as he met Sephira's gaze again and chuckled, "If we don't get any we can always resort to theft." After all, someone was definitely working hard to take one of these animals down. Maybe they'd have to share.

Now that his mind was back on the hunt though, Ig tried to pay attention to the state of the animals passing them. Most were lively and healthy, something he honestly wasn't used to. They'd be difficult, even with him and Sephira working together. At last as the stragglers were loping past he found what he was looking for. One of the older does a few dozen yards out had a nasty cough and was moving a lot slower than the others.

Once it was more or less safe to life his head from their hiding place, Ig glanced around to ensure the other hunters out there weren't close by, after the same doe. Once he was sure there was no competition to fend off, he turned to Seph. "What's the plan, master huntress?"

"TALK" "YOU" THINK



Sephira

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10-28-2018, 01:36 PM
Sephira grinned at Ig's words. Resorting to theft, hmm? Sounded like a good time to her, so long as they didn't end up tangling with a pack or something. Pack of coyotes she could deal with, but the hollering from before didn't exactly sound like their high, reedy vocals. Either way she would be more than happy to find out. As luck would have it, though, a different opportunity seemed to be presenting itself. Ignatius' attention was caught by an older doe. Her labored breathing was obvious even from where they hid.

Ig seemed to scan the area, while she kept her eyes fixed on this new target. He seemed satisfied by what he found, or rather, didn't find. Her turned back to her and asked, "What's the plan, master huntress?" She snorted, and slowly slid upward into a low crouch. "They've already been running a ways. I say we each take a side and run her out a bit longer. She seems weak, but I think we've already taken enough chances with flailing hooves today. The moment either of us sees an opening, we take it. Sound good?" She waited for his agreement, but took a hesitant step forward to keep the doe in view, worried about losing sight of her entirely. Her stomach rumbled in anticipation.



Ignatius

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10-28-2018, 01:53 PM
Nodding at her suggestion, Ig was quick to start creeping towards the doe. There was no way they were going to leave with empty stomachs. "Sounds good, I'll take the far side. If we keep the pressure light we can get her running without us getting too tired." Part of him really expected to see Sephi go into a sprint, best to take precautions even if she'd probably give him an irritated 'I know' in response.

Trotting through the snow with quiet steps, Ig moved relatively silently, keeping low to avoid startling the elderly animal too soon. Once he was well off to her other side he slowly made himself known, moving in with just enough pressure to get her trotting along faster, which had her coughing and hacking harder than ever. Keeping pace, he kept an eye out for Seph to ensure they kept in sync, driving the animal in a straight line to wear her out. Most likely it would be an easy kill, but taking precautions was important. Access to a healer wasn't exactly something they were fortunate enough to have, so injuries were best avoided.



Sephira

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10-28-2018, 02:20 PM
Ig agreed to the plan and they were off, with only a, "Tch, duh," spared between them. Ignatius took up his position on the doe's far side as he'd said, and Seph took up her own. The elk took note of her brother and sped up with an alarmed hack. Seph was careful to choose her path wisely, as they pushed through underbrush and the paltry late-summer snows, mindful that she would not have to divert around obstacles so large the doe might have a chance to duck off on either side. She watched as their quarry began to lag, her struggles growing more apparent, and picked up the pace accordingly.

The more the elk showed desire to slow, the harder Sephira pushed. Ig was doing a marvelous job of remaining in step with her, and she knew he would mirror her actions. And then, just as Seph herself was beginning to feel a bit winded, the doe seemed to falter and trip. Sephira hadn't seen what caught up the elderly elk, but there was no time to wonder. "Now!" she called out, bunching up her muscles and then propelling herself sideways. Before the elk could struggle back up onto her feet, Seph's jaws latched onto the skin just behind the elk's shoulder, biting into the tendon and tearing with the intent to cripple. She struggled to hold the doe in place, doing her best to avoid any desperate, flailing kicks, all while waiting for Ig to make his own attacks. She hoped they would be able to get the doe down quickly. Elderly or not, she was still strong.



Ignatius

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10-28-2018, 03:41 PM
Truth be told there was no one he'd rather have as a hunting partner. Hunting wasn't necessarily his specialty, but when he and Sephi teamed up they could sure pass as seasoned, professional hunters. It was one of the few times he could just enjoy himself and let the adrenaline rush through him, feeling truly alive for once. The weight of the past was lifted and there was only the present. If only this could last forever.

He couldn't get too caught up in his own head though, their quarry was finally tiring out after her extended run and the time was nearing to make their move. His mismatched eyes kept close tabs both on the doe's movements and Sephira's. As soon as their prey began stumbling he rushed in with Seph. While she went for the shoulder he'd put on a burst of speed and fly up to grab hold of the struggling elk's nose, seeking to deprive her of enough oxygen that she'd be easier to finish off while he wrestled to pull her down onto her side.



Sephira

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10-28-2018, 04:06 PM
True to form, Ignatius was right where she needed him to be. There was no denying that once the siblings got the bullshit and tomfoolery out of the way, they made a rather deadly pair. It also helped that hunger was a wonderful motivator. As Sephira struggled to maim the creature, she saw her brother's fiery pelt in the corner of her eye, clamping down over the elk's nose. Perfect. Ig struggled to get the elk down, and she did what she could to help. She wrenched her jaws backwards, tearing away the tendon of the doe's left foreleg. Unbalanced already, it was less of a struggle than it might have otherwise been to rear up and throw her legs over the doe's shoulders and help Ig drag her onto her side.

The moment her flank hit the earth below Seph dove towards the doe's neck, sinking her jaws into the supple flesh she found there. With another ripping, tearing motion she opened the jugular vein and stepped back as blood began to gush outwards. The doe flailed and struggled, and so Sephi stepped back lest she get clocked at long last by the razor sharp hooves. It wouldn't be long now anyways. She turned to her brother and grinned. "See! Not so bad." The elk was nearly expired, and she knew they would have to eat quickly if there were other wolves in the area. The smell of blood would carry, and she was not about to share a meal with the assholes who had nearly gotten them killed.



Ignatius

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10-28-2018, 04:14 PM
He held fast as Seph ripped into the doe, the sound of flesh rending between his sister's teeth filling his ears along with the desperate grunts of the animal. It would be over quickly though, the hunt was finished the moment their prey had lost footing and they'd gotten hold of her. Once they got her onto her side, Seph made quick work of her. Ig held fast to her mouth and nose, helping the process along so her last few flailing kicks ended as quickly as her life.

"Another successful hunt, and this time the food is actually meaty, imagine that," he laughed, licking the bloody froth from his lips. Once he was good and sure the animal was dead and he'd cast a few quick glances around to ensure they didn't have any company still, Ig settled in to tearing at the hide so he could feast while the food was still hot. This would be the first time in a long time that they could both walk away happy from a meal. So far he hadn't heard whatever other wolves had been here again, so either they'd caught their target, or they would be on the way once the smell of blood reached them. Ig really hoped that the former would turn out to be the case.



Sephira

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10-28-2018, 04:23 PM
Sephira was more than pleased with their work. It had been a long while since she'd been able to enjoy a hunt so thoroughly. Between the show at the beginning and the flawless execution of skill (and a bit of luck) she and Ig had both displayed, this was definitely a feat to be proud of. "Well done to both of us. That was handy work there at the end," she panted out. Ig scanned the area around them for intruders before beginning to tear into the carcass. The meat was fresh and warm, and although the doe was old she showed no symptoms of sickness of genetic disfiguration that much of their prey back home had. This was the first large, hearty meal she had been privy to in a long while. Pride flushed through her. She took turns keeping watch while her brother ate, ducking in to feast herself only when she was positive they would not be ambushed or chased away by a larger group. Wherever those other idiot wolves had run off to, she could only hope it was far, far away.

She hummed contentedly as her stomach began to fill. It would be days before she even thought about hunting again. "Perhaps we ought to linger here for a few days," she said between gulps. "This elk will last us for a long while if we can defend it from whatever cats and wolves might call this place home. Besides, I can't deny that this forest interests me. Betcha we could find our way up into the canopy even." The trunks certainly seemed big enough, and she had seen several that had toppled sideways. It could be done, and she was never one to pass up an opportunity. If Ig wanted to move on she wouldn't try to stop him, but for the time being there was food and something unique to occupy her mind. Seph was a simple creature, what more did she really need?



Ignatius

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10-28-2018, 04:37 PM
They really did both deserve some recognition. Ig could allow a moment or two of vanity for a well done hunt. He could almost get used to living in this place. It was like a whole other world out here, one that somehow made the land of their origins look a million times worse. Before it had been all they'd known, but now, damn.

As they devoured the meat, Seph suggested sticking around. Initially, Ignatius was inclined to want to keep moving, but after giving it some thought he didn't see much harm in it. They might have a harder time picking an easy kill later, so they may as well hold onto this one as long as possible and see what else the forest had to offer. "Alright, a couple days. But then I wanna keep going. This place is huge, and I wanna know who lives here. I'd rather learn from others who ought to be looked out for than from experience." Thinking ahead was definitely more Ig's territory. Much as he'd like to just hang out here for a good long time, there was more to do and he wasn't keen on wasting time.

"After we find a good place to keep this elk, tree exploration sounds cool." His idea of this was probably different from hers. Something told him that she'd almost certainly make a game of climbing to ridiculous heights, and probably get stuck or fall or some shit. Suddenly he was considering taking back his words...



Sephira

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10-28-2018, 05:02 PM
Her brother agreed easily. Almost too easily. At first Sephi wondered if maybe there was an ulterior motive involved, but in a way that was distinctly his, Ig went into explaining the reason for his choices. Almost as if he had expected an argument out of her. Silly Iggy, would she do that? ...Yes. Yes she would. But unfortunately for her he seemed to have saved them both the trouble. "Fair! I'll probably be bored a few days in anyways. Just seems a shame to leave the meat behind. We'll find somewhere to stash her, and then I am definitely getting up into that canopy." She looked skyward and grinned. These trees positively towered overhead.

Who were they to say anyways, maybe a pack could even live up there! With prey like this running amuck, they could be up there right now scowling down at them. Her imagination was running wild, so at the moment anything seemed possible. She immediately thought of a hollowed out knot way up above the ground, like an owl's hole but large enough for a wolf or four to call home. She grinned, teeth flashing. She was full enough, right? "Let's get to it, then! Are you full? I'm full. Come on lazy bones, the forest awaits!" She sprung backwards, eager and pup-like, waiting for Ignatius to follow her lead.



Ignatius

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10-28-2018, 05:13 PM
Believing that she'd lose interest in hanging out here withing a couple days was sadly not all that difficult. His sister was always leaping from one activity to the next. Gulping down his food a little quicker, Ig saw her next actions coming a mile away and leapt to his feet, moving to cut off her escape and shook his head. "Ohhh no you don't, slow down there, crazy. Hide the meat, then adventure." There was no way he was abandoning the kill here in full view of any passers by. Even if it was just a coyote that they saw picking at it when they returned, he wasn't interested in losing the meat now that he was planning on hanging out here and eating off it for a few days.

Eyeing her wearily, he tried to herd his squirrely sister back to the elk so she could help him move it. Back down the slope a bit where they'd been hiding he was pretty sure there was a good spot somewhere.



Sephira

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11-03-2018, 02:39 PM

Iggy quickly dashed her daydreams of leaping through the sky, as he often did, so very like kicking through a dandelion puff. She gave him a sour look and stuck her tongue between her lips. Muttering to herself she turned back to the elk. It was still warm, and how often did she get to gorge herself on fresh, healthy meat?

Seph bent down and spent a moment gnawing and chewing the the beasts shoulder, ripping off a few final shreds of meat. "Right, lead the way, Sir Logic and Reason," she said, voice haughty and hinting at laugher. She had no idea how far he intended to drag this thing but she wouldn't be surprised if he decided to be anal about it knowing there were other wolves in the area. This honestly might be just as amusing as exploring up top, she mused to herself, waiting to see what her brother would choose to do.

She mocked a bow, sweeping a leg out in front of her. "My brute strength is your to command." It was no secret that Ignatius was clearly the thinker between the two of them. That's why she kept him around, after all. If it were up to her she'd already be a good hundred feet up but nooo.

- SEPHIRA AGNIVO