He had stopped breathing during the night.

Eris slipped away from the warmth of the den carrying the lifeless body of her second son. While his brother thrived and grew, the once larger pup had been quickly dwarfed by his brother. From the moment he had come into the world, his movements had been slower and more lethargic. When he stopped nursing as frequently, she tried everything she could to increase his appetite. She had become scattered and reclusive as none of her attempts worked. He grew weaker and weaker as the days passed. Although she taught them both Ademic, only Casper learned. His brother, Phantom, had never picked up any of the sentiments. Even the most basic Ademic gestures (hungry, thirsty, hurt) seemed too strange or complicated. Phantom had been fading since his first breath.

She was devastated, and even that was too small a word for the yawning chasm of despair that had opened inside of her. Being a mother, a vessel, was sacred. Was she cursed? Were her insides rotten? Eris stumbled across Auster under an enormous full moon. The light from it was so bright that even she could navigate in the dark. Tor had taken him tonight and she was sure it was her fault.

No place seemed good enough until she entered the cover of this ancient forest. A strange energy permeated the air, but perhaps that was just the bright moon above. Everything was silvery and quiet. The canopy above was so tall and dense that there was hardly any snow on the forest floor. There was a somber quiet to the trees, as if even the other denizens of the forest wished to give her privacy.

There. Eris stopped, refusing to place her charge down now. She had spotted a tremendously old oak that dwarfed the others around it. Its trunk split near its roots and created an alcove that the moon's light couldn't reach within. A feeling of "rightness" overcame her and she headed straight for the tree. Once she made her way into its labyrinthine roots, she gently placed her child's body down and began to cry. She felt weaker than she had ever felt - even smaller and more powerless than when she had stood for sale as Valkyrie's slave. There was no bargain she could make or price she could pay to bring back her child. His death was her responsibility alone.

As she cried, Eris began to dig. She would not surrender his body to scavengers. He would be laid to rest and Tor and Fenris would call him home. Phantom was pure and innocent - he had done nothing wrong in his short, gentle life. It was her who deserved punishment, for letting him pass on before he was ready. He was so small when she laid him to rest at the bottom of the deep, deep grave she had dug that it took her breath away. My son, my son, my son. Mine. Mine. Mine. It was as if she was burying part of herself. There laid her heart outside of her body, there laid her hopes and dreams.

She thought she would be able to handle this alone. Discreetly. She had wanted to return to the comfort and warmth of Casper and Oxide without worrying a single Ademre wolf.

But she couldn't. Her heart laid there in his small grave. How could she bury her own heart? Eris turned her head up to look at the luminous moon, her eyes filled with tears. "Tor," she whispered hoarsely. Her voice sounded so much louder in the quiet of the trees. "Why? Why? Whywhywhyhwyhyhy- y-y..." she collapsed, staring into the freshly overturned dirt. It smelled loamy and good; healthy soil, ready to breathe life into the springtime. Words evaded her as the last pitiful whimpers left her mouth. Eris lifted her head to the sky and sang a song of sorrow to the full moon.

He wasn’t going to follow after her, but as Eris made her way from the den with their tiny pup Ballad appeared at the den. She took over looking after Casper, insisting he go to make sure the pup was given to both Tor and Fenris. By the time he reached her the ground was broken their child covered by Eris’s soft paws. Oxide felt a pang in his heart that he couldn’t be there for her when she needed him most. Not when she’d been captured and not when she needed to bury their child.

He paced up to her quietly, making it just in time to catch her as she fell to the ground, not strong enough to stand any longer. He held her loosely as she called out to Tor, and he joined her song. Their souls sang in sorrow together. She might not believe he helped her create their tiny son but Oxide felt the loss keenly. He loved the little boy and mourned that his life was whisked away. His song intertwined with Eris’s melody and the sound of their grief filled the quiet of the cold night.

She collapsed into his embrace. Although her ritual was deeply private, his soul was part of hers. If there was anyone she could bear this raw grief to, it him. Her twin flame. Eris made soft keening noises into the ruff of his neck, unable to form any coherent words. She had no words left. They had all been emptied from her body. Not a single syllable remained.

Her milky red eyes stared listlessly into his fur. She tapped her emotions endlessly on his paws until the motions were so fast that they were almost unintelligible: grief. Sadness. Emptiness. Eris closed her eyes tightly and prayed to Fenris and Tor that they would accept her son into their safe embrace. His eyes had only just opened - he had barely seen the world, only the inside of the den - before he had faded from this plane. She felt her smallness now more than ever. It was as if she could lose herself entirely inside of him. Hiding away from the world sounded like just what she needed.

She was inconsolable, but he allowed her to be. She sunk into him, her soft sounds of sorrow captured in his fur as they mourned the tiny boy together. Eris tapped out the words he felt, she shared her grief with him and the pair of them suffered the loss as one. They were soul bonded, even if she would not believe the boys were from his body she must believe that they were a part of his soul just as much as hers.

Oxide never wished for fatherhood, not that he had done a good job of preventing the course of action. He’d sired a litter with Eulogy already and though the Ademre would not admit, with Eris as well. Fatherhood still evaded him though. Ox nuzzled affectionately into his little shadow’s fur as he held tightly to her tiny form. He’d been completely unable to prevent the loss and the sense of helplessness tried to overwhelm him. ”Shhh..” He tried to soothe her, and spoke of little nothings into her ear as she cried heavily into his fur. They were going to make it through this, they had to for Casper.

Grief overwhelmed her and struck her down. Eris closed her eyes and allowed herself to drift away. She mourned the possibility of what could have been - two little boys, joyous and dutiful and dedicated to Fenris. True warriors in a way that she could never be. Shivers rocked her body as she sunk to a lower depth of consciousness. It felt as if she was underwater - everything else was muffled and distant.

Oxide's voice brought her back towards the surface, but part of her craved the dullness of that deep, dark place. Her pain was less; everything was less. The thought of Casper and the warmth of Oxide drew her back. Anxiously she tapped worry, concern, lonely on his paw in one harried movement. They had to return to their den. Who was watching Casper? Eris shoot another longing look towards the hollow tree where her other son laid buried, then finally gestured back towards the coast and the other Ademre.

He held her as long as she needed, but time suddenly didn’t really matter. It was just the two of them, standing over the grave of their son. The words wouldn’t be put to his tongue though, Eris would never be convinced. He nuzzled against her dark fur until she found herself again, and with reluctance Eris seemed ready to return to the living. He wished that they had never been forced to come out here, and he mourned that their son had not thrived. ”I know.” He offered softly as she tapped the Ademre words upon his paw.

”Ballad is with him. We can stay here as long as you want.” He offered just as quietly, though deep down he hoped she would choose to return to their living son. They couldn’t dwell on Phantom’s death when Casper was alive and needed them. ”You know Cas will be happy to see you though.” He tried to encourage her with another soft nuzzle, he wouldn’t push her anywhere. She followed him and he called her his shadow, but now she was the one leading the way and he would do his best to support her.