When Azriel had found Fel curled up and alone in the cold outside his den, he had sworn to make sure she was taken care of until she was her former self. Thanks to the healing efforts of Sibyl and their company, Fel had made a decent turnaround since that night. By some stroke of luck, the silver-gilded fae had agreed to stay with them for a little bit of time to recuperate and allow them to look after her. Azriel had insisted, of course, but Fel was like a wild horse: her will was indomitable and her own, and woe be to the wolf who tried to curb her. While Sibyl had tended to Fel's physical injuries, Azriel knew that there was emotional and mental scarring the ebon-furred woman was trying her damnedest to keep hidden. It did not work with him. Azriel was far too intimately familiar with the overwhelming feelings of grief, anger, and helplessness he assumed plagued her thoughts like a pestilence. Fel seemed so broken and so defeated, like she was ready to give up. The stark contrast to the confident, sexy wolf he had first met wasn't just heartbreaking, it made the monochromatic man angry. Angry at a world that had done such a thing to such a beautiful creature. Angry at whatever individuals had left her in such a state. Angry that he could only sit there like a lump and do nothing about it. Azriel was a creature of action, of plans and strategies. There were no strategies for this, no actions he could take to make things right. All he could do was help Fel the best he could.

So when Azriel had asked Fel to join him for a trip to see the shimmering black sands of the Obsidian Beach, he had come with an ulterior motive. If there was one thing Fel needed right now, it was to vent; to release all of her pent up emotions and let the anger and hurt lash out at something. He was going to be that something. He was going to spar with Fel, let her get out whatever she needed to let out of her heart, and then once the purge had started he would enact phase two of his plan. More than anything else, Fel needed someone to look out for her, to let her know that she wasn't alone. Since the minute they met, the two wolves had played a game of cat and mouse with one another, taking sly or brash digs at details from one another's lives. Their pasts, their presents, their futures, their likes and dislikes, their strengths and weaknesses... So far, both had held up fairly well. Azriel still knew precious little about the smaller yet captivating woman, and he had let very little go to her. Deep down, Azriel would hazard to guess that they were more similar than either let on. This was the second part of his game, to allow one another to let down the walls for once. Though with the usually stoic brute, that would be easier said than done.

Azriel took his first steps onto the silt-like sands that glistened in the afternoon sun, marveling at the texture beneath his paw pads. The entire beach, while black as pitch, seemed to sparkle like tiny fragments of diamonds were embedded between the grains of sand. Set next to the dark blue of the ocean, it was a sight to behold! A smirk crossed Azriel's face while he studied the terrain for a second. Yes, this would do nicely. Out by the sea with the sound of the waves rolling up on shore and the occasional call of a gull, all of their conversation would be muted from prying ears—although judging by the lack of other paw prints on the beach, he guessed they were the only ones here right now. All the better for privacy. He didn't need anyone else seeing Fel like this, and he was feeling selfish with her attention. Azriel began a casual stride down the length of the beach, gazing out over the sea a few times before looking back to make sure Fel was still following him. He didn't think she'd try to give him the slip, but he didn't know how she'd react to his plans once he unveiled them.

"The rumors were true," he said after a moment, glancing down at the sparkling sands. "This place really is something worth seeing." Azriel turned to Fel with a rueful smirk, then sighed as he continued. "As nice as this place is, I wanted to bring you out here for a reason. You and I, we've done a damn good job at keeping to ourselves for most of our lives. You are still a mystery to me, Fel. As enticing as mysteries are, your answers are much more interesting to me. And perhaps its time for us to learn who the wolf sitting across from us really is." He gave her an admiring look, secretly quite amazed at her ability to keep him out and still have him hungry for more of her. "I want to play a game with you. If you win, I'll allow you to ask me anything you want. Anything your heart desires to know, I'll tell you—truthfully. But if I win, I get the same prize." Azriel stopped his gait where he stood, turning to face Fel. Although his eyes and smirk were playful, his featured hardened in preparation for either her rejection or the battle that was about to explode. "To get your prize, all you have to do is beat me in a spar. What do you say? Think you can get what you want out of me?" The gleam in Azriel's steel-grey eyes dared her to take the offer. He wanted her to try to win; he was trying to make it as enticing as possible for the little shadow wolf. This was what she needed—what they both needed. She just had to take the challenge.

"Speech" | Thoughts

The days since the death of her brother had not been kind to the Abraxas woman. Sorrow had stolen her appetite. She didn't eat. She barely slept. There was no drive in her and what life she retained was lackluster and base. The already thin woman looked more like a sight hound than a wolf with her extremely tapered waist and show of ribs. The loss of weight had begun months ago but recent events had really hammered it home. Fel knew that she wasn't looking her best but she doubted anyone would tell her so.

Sibyl made sure that she ate even if it was only a little bite here and there. Azriel attempted to challenge her mentally but the woman just didn't want any part of it. She didn't want to think. She just wanted her mind to eat itself; consume the bad parts so she could think about being happy once more. Fel knew that her current state was frustrating them but where else was she going to go? Back to Aerie? Oona was keeping her up to date on the situation there. Of course there really wasn't much to report. Not much went on in Aerie. The pups were growing. Her brother's were the same. No reason to go back to see the two wolves that looked similar to her deceased brother. Not yet. She wasn't ready.

Her apathetic ways were apparently getting to Azriel. He had insisted that she follow him away from the little cave that the three of them had been sharing. She didn't really want to, but they'd been dealing with her indifference enough lately. In the end, she agreed. The striped brute led her to the Obsidian beach. The wonders of the black sand were lost on her. She'd seen them before. Happier times then. Why, she'd fucked a virgin alpha, tasted a woman and instigated a lesbian relationship between two scared parties right around that curve in the rocks there. The antics of a carefree, confident woman. That's who she was supposed to be. Not this... whatever she was now. A wraith. A bag of bones.

Lost in memories, it took Fel a moment to realize Azriel was speaking to her. Once she noticed, jet ears swiveled in his direction. Ruby eyes and a twist of the head followed. She listened as he spoke and could feel the enthusiasm in his words. He was riding an entirely different energy than she was. His words and his challenge would have been eagerly met before her breakdown, but now? Her thoughts were so muddied that her intellect was buried. She couldn't even think if anything to ask him. What could she say? Who are you? Where do you come from? What do you want from me? She was such a disappointment.

Maybe Azriel was right. Maybe she did need to fight it out. That didn't mean that she wanted to or even that she could. If anything she could humor him. Let him win. It wasn't like he could ask anything that would bring her any lower than she was now. Shifting her garnet gaze out to sea, the silver streaked fae shrugged in a noncommittal way. "Whatever you want, " was her reply. Part of her wanted to lose. What would it feel like to give up her secrets? As long as they were personal secrets and not pack secrets... if he won, she would tell him anything. And if she won? Maybe she'd just tell him to leave her alone.

To his chagrin, Fel had appeared just as lifeless as she had been since she'd shown up at their doorstep. Azriel had been hoping that a change of scenery or the instigation of a challenge would spark some of the old fae back to life inside the hollow being that now dared to wear Fel's skin like a macabre suit. This was not his Fel. This was not the Fel that had haunted his thoughts and captured his attention. This was a pathetic excuse of a shade of the gorgeous Abraxas woman. She stared out at the sea with empty, sunken eyes and only spoke in a few broken words. He had tried to do everything he could think of to spark some embers of her personality back, tossing lifeline after lifeline into the void in hopes of getting a tug back from her. His efforts had been in vain. Azriel now stared at the thinning wolf, able to see the outlines of hips and ribs beneath her coat. Her fur for that matter had not been kept up with her usual rituals, and was losing its luster. Fel had given up on herself.

Maybe he should too...

He was investing himself heavily into her, and for what? She was no one to him. He knew nothing about her, had no connection to her. It would be easier to cut ties now and run. His mind played through the scenarios in his head. He doubted she would put up any kind of attempt to stop him or follow him. She'd either lay down on the beach and wait out her clock, turn and head back to Aerie to go through the motions of a faux life, or just walk into the ocean and end everything here and now. He would have gained nothing and lost nothing but time. Fel Abraxas is no one to you... The words continued to echo in his head while he stared at her, a deep frown replacing the otherwise neutral expression he wore. His eyes darkened, betraying the sadness he felt in his heart for her. Fel Abraxas is no one to you... Her response to his challenge was glib, lacking any kind of energy. Perhaps she was hoping he'd kill her in their scuffle. In her current state, it would be easy to do so, accidentally or purposefully. Fel Abraxas is no one to you...

That wasn't good enough for him anymore. He didn't want Fel to be a nobody, an unknown face that appeared every fortnight to fuck him into a state of euphoria and dip off to her home again, someone to use and throw aside. He'd seen glimpses of what the real Fel was; that was what had kept him around. No other wolf had ever convinced him to abandon all of his plans so readily just for an opportunity to encounter them again. No other wolf had ever asked him to join their pack. Those weren't the traits of a nobody. "No." Azriel's words were spoken short and clear, the hard tone in his voice leaving no room for debate. He would not challenge her in this state, physically or mentally. "That is not what I want. It doesn't matter what I want anyway." The larger brute strode partway in front of Fel, coming to stop and sit on the sand beside her so both of them could face the ocean and just exist. He didn't say anything for a while after that, just letting the sound of the waves hitting the shore pass over them. Azriel scooped up a pawful of sand, letting the smooth black earth fall between his digits back to the ground.

"I realize you probably don't care about yourself or your wellbeing anymore. You're probably wishing it was you who had died instead so that you wouldn't have to deal with all this shit that comes after." He shrugged his shoulders and heaved a sigh. "And maybe you're right. Maybe you're wrong. The shitty thing about life is that you never get to know the what-ifs. You just get to pick up the pieces and try to pretend like they aren't cutting you every second you hold them." Silver eyes traced the shimmering waves out across the distance while a cool sea breeze rippled through his thick fur, tussling his coat in the wind. The air smelled heavily of salt, the scent burning the insides of his nostrils in a pleasant manner. "I thought that once, a long time ago... I wished I'd died and let someone else live instead. Things would've been a hell of a lot easier, that's for sure..." he said with a grim chuckle. Azriel didn't know if Fel was even listening to him, but whether she did or not didn't matter. He had nothing else to give to her, save for himself. If he couldn't get to even a glimpse of her true self, then Fel was truly lost to them. "I don't know what prompted you to invite me and Sibyl to Aerie... Perhaps it was a broken heart or you just wanted us around for a convenient fuck... but I like to pretend that perhaps if you can find something in me worth keeping alive, then maybe there's still hope for me yet."

Azriel finally let his eyes leave the scenery to look over at Fel, searching her face for any signs of life, of emotions, of... gods, any kind of reaction at this point. "No words I say can help the pain. Nothing can do that, sometimes not even time. I suppose I just needed you to know that there's at least one other wolf who understands what you're feeling. Maybe not exactly the same, but probably closer than you think..."

"Speech" | Thoughts

He cared. It was obvious that he cared simply by the fact that he didn't abandon her during her lowest moments. Why he should care was something that Fel didn't understand, but she also didn't try to understand it. It was good enough for her that he showed the effort and emotion. Sibyl had shown her affection and patience as well. She didn't deserve either of them, but gods, did she need them both. Azriel called off his suggested spar and she noted the slight disappointment in his tones. Or was it irritation? Either way, he moved to sit beside her rather than stand across from her. All the while Fel didn't move. She remained still, impassive. The salty sea breeze ruffled her fur and she closed her eyes momentarily as the wind battered against her face as though it too was trying to snap her out of her current state. She just needed time. Time and patience. It wasn't much to ask, but it seemed that she needed to do some explaining. After a time of sitting in silence, Azriel began to speak. The dark woman listened, still unmoving or even outwardly acknowledging his words, but she was indeed listening. His words proved what he thought of her coping skills. It also showed how he saw death and the aftermath of death. He thought that she gave up? She could understand why he would think that. It surely looked like she'd given up. Give up her place of living for the dead though? No. That wasn't her. Fel cherished each and every moment that she had on this plane so that she might walk into the next feeling fulfilled. The state that she was in now was her way of mourning. Until she worked through everything and came to terms with the large amounts of tragedy that she'd had to endure, eating, upkeep, everything else took a back seat. When the man beside her began to share bits of his own past, Fel was more than a little surprised. He had lost someone. Of course he had. They all experienced loss sooner or later. It was the fact that he was sharing that was the surprise. They both had been rather tight lipped about who they were, though for her it was more of a game. She could feel his eyes upon her as he continued to speak, but made no reaction other than narrowing her ruby gaze against the onslaught of sea air. What had prompted her to invite them to Aerie? His idea that it might just be for a quick fuck was irritating, but that was probably what he was trying to get out of her. She had suggested that they join Aerie so that she wouldn't be alone. So that she would have not just one wolf beside her, but two. There was something in both Azriel and Sibyl that spoke to the charcoal woman. She needed his rough nature and she needed Sibyl's kind softness. As the days went by, it was harder and harder to imagine her life without them in it. The mans closing statement brought Fel's eyes to slide slowly closed. Though rough around the edges, Azriel was surprisingly kind. He was showing vulnerability. He was trying. Such care shouldn't go unrewarded. Fel took a long moment to absorb the words spoken to her and to simply give the situation the reverence that it was due. She kept her eyes closed and breathed deeply of the tangy salt air. Slowly and gently, the silver streaked woman leaned to the side, settling herself against the much larger body of the man. She placed her cheek against his neck and continued to stare out to sea. Her silence continued to stretch on, but she eventually found her voice. "Thank you." When it seemed like that was all that she would say, Fel continued. "It's not just Aureus. I lost my father, my mother, my sister and now my brother. It's been a lot to handle." A great build up of loss and pain. Just when it seemed like she'd come to terms with one of her family members deaths, another death would be piled on top of it. "I haven't given up on myself and I don't wish to switch places with the dead. I just need time to center myself again." Before someone else dies so she could repeat the process. That seemed to be her luck. "I suggested that you and Sibyl join Aerie not just to fuck, but to be my partners." Thinking of going back to the lake alone was nauseating. She would gladly go back each and every time if Azriel and Sibyl were waiting for her. "Speech"

While silence hung in the air between them, Azriel started to question whether Fel would give him any sort of response or not. It didn't matter if she did though, he had said what he wanted to. He had built his half of the bridge between them; if she wanted to finish closing the gap, he would welcome her. Azriel wanted so direly to believe that Fel continued to come to him and Sibyl for something more than physicality. But if she saw the two as nothing more than good temporary company, then so be it. The stillness of the moment lasted almost indefinitely with the two wolves quietly watching the ocean. He glanced over at her again; Fel's eyes had closed. Azriel didn't bring it up and just let her be for the time being. If she wanted to talk, she would. Pushing her in such a fragile state would have been a grave mistake. Fel needed to be handled gently and with care. She needed to be shown the love and affection she seemed so starved for. While Azriel doubted that his candidacy for such a role was a good idea, he was the one with the silver-gilded woman now. He would do his best for her—or at least he was willing to try.

Azriel felt softness and weight press into his side. He turned his head a fraction of an inch to catch Fel leaning into him, resting her cheek against his neck. A small smile twitched at the corners of his mouth for the briefest of moments before flittering away like a butterfly on the breeze. Raising a large grey paw, the larger brute carefully wrapped his leg around her back, holding her to him with little more than the presence of his touch. He was content to simply sit there with her and offer his existence as reassurance to her, being whatever she needed him to be. Azriel had a compulsive need to have a plan of action for everything; this was not something he could plan for or resolve on his own, and that frustrated him. He wasn't frustrated with her, of course. How could he be? She had done nothing to deserve this as far as he knew. But the fact that he could do nothing but sit and wait and watch as she withered away like a dying flower was infuriating to every sense he possessed. He gave a small nod of his head when she murmured a soft thank you, replying with an equally low-spoken, "You're welcome."

Now it was Azriel's turn to be surprised as Fel opened up a little more, volunteering information about her deceased family. It didn't shock Azriel as much as he thought it would. This grief came from a deep-seated pain, a wound with the salt of multiple losses thrown into it and left to fester. But she belonged to a pack. Why had no one else from Aerie been there for her or helped her through her grief and mourning? Why had she been forced to turn to two complete strangers for the comfort she so desperately needed? The thought boiled his blood and got him very close to snarling, but he kept his emotions reined in, sitting as still and pensive as ever. Fel continued to explain what she needed—time, it was all a matter of time. He nodded his head again. She would have to make her way through this herself, but at least he and Sibyl could make sure she didn't have to do this alone. It was clear that Fel felt more alone in her pack than she did when she was actually by herself. It did make the brute question why she stayed there and subjected herself to that kind of torment day in and day out. Maybe once she was in a better place mentally he'd have to have that conversation with her.

Azriel's ear flicked to catch the words of the obsidian-furred fae using him as a pillow, her words taking him by surprise. She wanted them to be her partners? While touching, it did raise his questions as to why again. Sibyl was an open book; she revealed everything about herself to anyone who gave her the time of day. There were no secrets between her and the Abraxas imp. But himself... They knew nothing of one another. She was taking a tremendous leap of faith by choosing him as a partner. Was he willing to do the same with her? "How can you be so sure you want me as your partner?" he asked. It seemed a fair question in his mind. Azriel was quite adaptable; he could be many things and fit many roles. He had been a son, a brother, a tutor, a friend, a slave, a killer, a traitor... But this was far more investing—for both of them, with a massive gamble and the stakes were intense. "I've been many things before, Fel..." Gods, he loved the way her name tasted on his tongue. "I've done many things as those different personas... What if you don't like all of them?" He leaned his snout down to her forehead, placing a gentle yet affirming kiss on her crown. He needed to show her that he cared, and just how deeply she had infected him, despite his concerns.

"I can be whatever you need me to be for you, but I can't be anyone besides who I am." Whatever she needed, he would accomplish for her. A quiet companion to keep the loneliness away, a shoulder to cry on when she needed to vent, a pillow to cuddle when she needed shelter and security in the silent nights, perhaps even a lover or partner if given the chance... But with him came everything about him. Was she willing to dive in headfirst without even the slightest idea of who she was getting involved with? Could he allow her to do that to herself?

"Speech" | Thoughts

As the pair sat together, Fel told him of her wishes. She wanted the three of them to be together. Partners. Lovers. Together in all ways. There was always a chance of rejection, but she hadn't quite expected the sting in his words. How could she be so sure? Was anyone ever completely sure of anything? The woman's blackened lips pulled down in a frown as she expected his next words to be a harsh no. Was she really not up to par? Were his doubts in her? She couldn't blame him for that. The silver streaked woman hadn't given them much about her background or her current place in the world. What she had given them was herself. Her true self. And so, as she felt the doubt directed at her, Fel was saddened. And then he spoke again. The doubts were not in her, but in himself. Azriel spoke again and his lips brushed softly along her forehead. Ruby eyes closed as she savored the placed affection. This was why. This was how she knew. This was why, no matter what he was or what he had been, she chose him. It was indeed a choice for all of them. Sibyl and Azriel had chosen one another and now she was choosing them both. It seemed as though they were choosing her as well. The big brute promised to be what she needed, but clearly stated that he couldn't be anything other than what he was. The statement was completely absurd and terribly funny. A soft scoff escaped via a rush of air through the woman's dark nares. A faint, whispering laugh followed. Pulling herself from his side, the slender woman shook her head, laughter still emanating from her, though no more than a ghosting of sound was released. She took a few steps away, staring out over the ocean ahead of them. Perhaps the fact that he thought she wanted him to change proved what types of relationships he'd been in before, if any. Sibyl was fairly submissive and no doubt had to take him as he was. Fel on the other paw could fight against him; against those traits that she didn't like. Ah, but then he wouldn't be a partner at all. He would be nothing but a slave. If she wanted a slave, she could go buy one at any point. She hadn't, and so that obviously wasn't her desire. "Just as I don't know what you've been and what you've done, you don't know me." Her voice was soft but clear. She didn't turn to face him, only stood there staring out over the undulating sea. "If someone asked me to change what I am, I would bridle and balk. I would never ask it of you." She hadn't bee asked to change for Aerie. It was simply expected. "I chose you because of what you are. Not who you were. I chose you in the hopes that, together, the three of us might culminate into something devastatingly beautiful." The corners of her maw lifted in a smile as she mused. "A cataclysm." Fel canted her skull ever so slightly. Just enough to fix him with one blood-moon eye. "You've seen me at my weakest and you didn't take advantage. That's how I can be sure. I chose you. I chose both of you." Pulling her gaze away, she closed her eyes against a gust of salty sea air. "And I hope that you choose me." "Speech"

The silver-gilded shadow of a woman laughed, the sound striking like a beautiful knell inside his soul. It was a lovely sound, one he adored and longed to hear in all its splendor once she was herself again. She spoke to him, her words affirming that she wanted him the way he was and she would never want him to be anything other than who he was. She desired him—his past, his present, and his future. Ah, but that was the problem, wasn't it? She wanted him to be a part of something he didn't know he ever could be. Her family, her pack... Abraxas and Aerie... It felt like trying to combine water and oil when he pictured himself involved in any part of her world beyond the little fantasy life they'd built for themselves with Sibyl. He had regressed from pack life. Could he truly ever be what she wanted and hoped for? Would Aerie even desire a wolf such as himself? He knew nothing of the enigmatic pack or the mysterious Abraxas family other than what he'd heard whispered on the lips of the others he'd crossed paths with. What if he didn't blend with them? Rejection was not something he was afeared of—it was the surrender of the familiar. His life was simple; every day was just another day to survive. Pack life meant existing for something more, something greater than himself. Was he selfless enough to give it another shot?

Azriel sat still and silent for a few moments, drinking in the words Fel spoke while he watched her from behind, considering her and her statements. Yes, he wholeheartedly agreed that the three of them could be a beautiful calamity the likes of which this world hadn't seen. Of this, the dark brute had no doubts. But to hear that others had potentially tried to harm her or take advantage of her in her diminished state tugged at the corners of his pursed mouth, a possessive anger flaring up within him. No one had any right treating her that way. He had been mulling over what she had said when he saw her skull cock a fraction of an inch until piercing silver-grey met blood ruby eyes. Their gazes locked, held in time and space, as if this moment could last an eternity until one of them willed it otherwise. Ah, but that was what he adored about her. Fel was so much more than just a wolf; she was an experience, an elemental force to be reckoned with, a whirlwind that threatened to sweep you off your paws plunge you into nirvana. The more time he spent with her, the more Azriel felt her becoming a necessary fixture in his life, like eating or breathing. As uncertain as the future made him feel, the thought of a future without Fel was a notion he could not even comprehend. No, that would not be something he could ever accept. He had his answer.

Rising to large paws and coming closer to the dainty, fragile-looking fae, Azriel would crane his neck down to snuffle his nose through the fur on her nape, ending with a lick to her crown if she didn't deny his affections. He had to show her he was all-in on them as well. This would be a partnership for them, equals in all rights. They would test and demand of one another nothing but the best, and they would elevate each other to higher planes of life and lust and greatness. With her and Sibyl, Azriel felt like a king among commoners, and he desired to make them feel like queens. "I chose you long before now, Fel," he replied, tones low and smooth, like the waves lapping at the onyx sands beneath their paws. He whispered almost directly into her black-furred ears, his words meant only for her and her alone. The world had no place in their interactions. "I hope one day to get to know you—all of you. But for now, I'm content to simply exist and live in this moment."

Oh, but there was still one more thing he had to get off his chest before he could be content. Fel had to understand where his reluctance to join Aerie came from so she didn't think it was from hesitation at being with her. "I don't know if I'm the right choice for Aerie, though. I was part of a pack before. Actually, I was born into one. It... didn't end well..." He paused, steely gaze moving back out over the shimmering water while a gust of sea breeze rippled his thick fur. "That pack no longer exists. I destroyed them when I found out they'd done something... something unforgivable to me. I did it all without any hesitation or regret. And it's because I did that so coldly I question if I'm right for your pack... or any pack."

"Speech" | Thoughts