She waited till Ulric was out on a patrol. She waited till she saw Sirius go out into the courtyard. This part of the castle was completely empty, there was no one to stop her. Even still, as she stood in front of the door way that would lead her down into the dungeons, she couldn't keep her heart from pounding anxiously against her ribs. A cold, nervous chill clung to her skin as she looked down into the darkness. Ever since her fight with Sirius she had felt increasingly more confident, but it was still the smallest, most painful steps that she could take toward getting back to where she was. She couldn't get the fear out of her mind that she was going to go down there and she was going to be faced with that same look that continued to haunt her from that night. The complete lack of recognition, the snarling teeth, the bloodied muzzle.

Tamsyn grit her teeth together as her jaw tensed. If she was ever going to go down there, now was the time. She either had to finally fulfill this soul crushing need to see her mate again or she had to make her peace with it and stop toying with the idea. The back and forth wasn't getting her anywhere. Swallowing hard past the tightness that squeezed her throat, she forced herself to start descending the stairs, slowly making her way further into the shadows of the lower level of the castle, only finding a faint light from a single window and a fireplace once she quietly got to the bottom of the stairs.

She stopped there before she could really ender the dungeon, her eyes adjusting to the change in light while her heart continued to pound incessantly in her chest. Her ears folded back against her head as she looked at the dark, secluded room that Resin had trapped herself in and her stomach twisted into knots. Eventually she pushed herself forward, hesitant in her movements as she approached the row of bars that blocked off a long, rectangular room. "Resin?" she asked softly as she peered toward the corners of the cell. Even a whisper felt like it echoed off these stone walls. "I know you didn't want to see me... but, I..." What could she say? There was nothing she could say. She stood there, watching the dark figure in the corner and waited to see if the stranger that had attacked her would greet her or her mate.

"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

They never stopped coming. It felt as though the wolves of the Hallows sought her out more now than they had when she hadn't been under lock and key. Was she some exotic creature to gawk at? Were they really so interested in the deterioration of her mental state? Resin was feeling a little irritated. A little paranoid. A little angry. More paws on the stairs. She could hear the clicking of claws across stone. Perfect. The ash and obsidian woman stayed curled in the furs. The fire had burned low. No one had come to add more wood, but it hardly mattered. If she was cold, she was cold. There were enough furs in the pile to bury herself beneath if she needed to. The pallet kept her off of the icy stone floor as well. It was sufficient, if not comfortable. What she hadn't been expecting today was for Tamsyn to enter the dungeon. Tamsyn... was the last wolf that Resin wanted to see. She felt extremely guilty for what she'd done to the woman. She still couldn't wrap her brain around how her lover (former lover?) could be feeling. Tamsyn was something pure. She was loving and accepting of all Resin's faults. She had trusted her. For someone that you trusted to try to kill you while you slept... If Tamsyn could never forgive her, Resin would understand. She surely wouldn't be forgiving herself. Soft words crossed through the darkness and the shadow cloaked woman released a low sigh. "I don't deserve to see you, Tamsyn. Not after what I did." It wasn't at all that she didn't want to see her family. She didn't want them to see her. And she surely didn't deserve to see the woman that she'd permanently scarred. It was evident that Tam wished to see her though, so Resin moved from the shadows and into the barely illuminated room. It was enough light that they could see one another. Resin's stomach clenched as she noted the entire side of the dark fae's face was covered in a poultice of herbs. That was why she was in here, locked away. There could be no risk of a reoccurrence. "Resin"

The relief that rushed through her the moment that Resin spoke was immeasurable. The breath that she hadn't realized she had been hold left her in a sigh and she fell back onto her haunches in front of the wall of bars, one of her paws coming up to wrap around the cold steel. It was Resin. Her Resin. She whined softly as she continued to watch the shadowed figure that was just out of sight of the faint light in the room, but eventually Resin indulged her and rose from where she was laying, crossing over into the light so Tamsyn could see her. "Resin..." she whispered as emotion choked her, her ears falling back against her head. A quick glance down the length of the cell let her spot the handles of the door locked together with a piece of metal that would be impossible for her to remove. She understood that was the point of it being there in the first place, but it was crushing and heart wrenching all the same.

She whined again as she brought her gaze back to her mate, wrapping both front paws around the bars in front of her. Desperate to get closer, desperate to be able to reach her. Even now that she could see her, she couldn't touch her and that was nearly as bad. "It's not your fault," she insisted, her words strained as she continued to bite back tears, repeating the things that she had asked Sirius to tell her, just so she could hear it from her own lips. She wasn't scared of this Resin. This Resin was her mate, her lover. Whoever had bitten her and scarred her... That hadn't been Resin. They were two distinct entities in her mind and she kept them carefully separated for her own sake. "I don't blame you, please just... Please just come out of there. Please come back, I... I miss you. So much..." The tears finally broke free and started to fall down her cheeks, disrupting some of the poultice that Gwynevere had applied under her right eye.

She knew it was futile, but she had to try. In all the times that night had replayed over and over in her mind, she kept thinking about hearing Resin's voice on the other side of the door. Calling to her, telling her to open it, and her not being able to. Being led down the corridor, away from her mate, desperately doing anything she could to get Ulric to her so he could take her place and make sure Resin was okay. That had been all she could think about even while Gwynevere was tending to her wounds. The guilt from that moment still gripped her. She wanted to do more, she wanted to help. "I'm sorry..." he whined as her eyes squeezed shut and her head leaned into the bars. "Artorias told me something was wrong and I didn't believe him... I... I didn't want anything to be wrong and now..." She grit her teeth and gripped the bars, her claws scraping against the metal. "I should have done something, I.... I couldn't let you out..."

"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

The pain in Tamsyn's voice brought the ashen woman's ears flicking back against her skull. After what she did, the dark woman blamed herself. Her heart had always been too big and this proved it. She didn't move from her place upon the pile of furs, but she did speak. "You did nothing wrong." How could she even think that any of this was her fault? "Never apologize to me, Tamsyn." Love blinded even the wisest of wolves and this was proof of that. "Had you not barred that door, I very well may have killed you." Speaking the words aloud to the woman that she loved was difficult, but necessary. Tamsyn couldn't live her life thinking that she'd wronged her lover when she'd acted to save that life. Rising from the pallet, the one-eyed fae moved into the muted light, but stayed out of reach. "I'm myself now, but I won't always be. I've seen this before." The father of her children had lost his mind and had killed them all, save Iolaire. He'd started off with sporadic losses of self too, but it had steadily progressed. She knew that she was a danger. That was why she had to stay here. Tamsyn asked her to come out... and now it was time for a bit of tough love. "I permanently scarred your face, Tamsyn. Next time I could kill you or I could kill one of our children. I didn't know who you were even though you were calling my name. I wanted to kill you and I would have if you hadn't shut me in that room." Resin gave her head a shake. "I will not risk harming any member of this pack. Not for you, not for anyone." She spoke with hard determination. Her word was law. "I will never leave this cell." She was far too dangerous for that. "Resin"

Quiet sobs shook her body, but she listened as Resin spoke, blinking open her ears while tears continued to stream down her cheeks. Her mind couldn't comprehend how she hadn't done something wrong. That was the problem - she hadn't done anything. She sat by while it happened, to afraid of the possibilities to say something, too frozen in her own terror to help. Logically she knew that if she hadn't barred the door she could have been killed, or worse one of their children could have gotten caught up in the fray. She thought of Artorias heroically running out to help her and having him be on the receiving end of Resin's teeth as well and it made her sick. Logically she knew she did the right thing. But it wasn't her logic driving her any more, it was her emotions and her broken heart and those two things wondered if it would have been better if Resin had simply killed her instead of leaving her in this hell of being torn from her mate with a permanent reminder of how it happened plastered across her face.

She winced as Resin reminded her of the consequences that could come if she was let out, her chest tight and making it hard to breathe. She knew this feeling, knew the panic. She had lived it many, many times before. She tried to fight it off and she couldn't. Living in a world without her Resin wasn't something that she wanted. Not now, not like this. Resin reiterated that she would never leave this cell and it felt like a punch to the gut. Tamsyn grit her teeth painfully hard and closed her eyes, turning her face away while her head leaned on the bars in front of her, drawing in small, shuddering gasps of air. She couldn't imagine a world that she didn't have Resin beside her, balancing her, being the other half of her whole being. It was terrifying, horrifying even. Things had been going too well for her for too long. Something had to give and it decided to do it in a spectacular display that ripped everything away from her all at once.

"What are we going do?" she choked after a few long moments of pained silence, leaving her eyes closed since she was afraid that if she looked at Resin again she'd lose it again and be unable to speak. Her voice was horse and quiet, but still seemed to echo in this damned dungeon. "What am I going to do?"

"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

The pain in Tamsyn's voice and face pained Resin in turn, but there was nothing that she could do about it. She was here and Tamsyn was there. This was Resin's world now. No longer could she give her lover the comfort that she needed. No longer could she care for those that were weaker than she. This was the end and she had accepted that. Clearly, Tamsyn hadn't. When the injured woman asked what they were supposed to do, then clarified her statement, Resin almost wanted to laugh. The answer was so clear to her. Why wasn't it clear to Tamsyn? "You'll be a Carpathius. You'll hold it together for the sake of the name and the sake of our children. You'll make them proud and you'll make me proud. There's nothing else that you can do." She had faith in the dark woman. Things seemed bleak right now, but once they began to think of Resin as dead and gone, their lives would continue. "I know this isn't easy, but I've seen it before." It was almost comical that she was being subjected to such a malady after what she'd gone through with her first litter of children. "There is no happy ending for me, Tamsyn. I have to take solace in the fact that my family will live on and that they'll be as strong and proud as they've always been." She took a step towards the bars, staring hard into the face of the woman that she loved. "You need to be strong for our children. They don't understand and accept this even less than you. Without me, you have to be the pillar of strength. You have to set the example." It was a lot to ask of the woman, but it needed to happen. The whole pack couldn't be anxious and sorrowful, least of all her children. "Resin"

As Resin spoke Tamsyn listened to each word carefully, stowing them away in her memories. She didn't know how many more times she'd get to hear her mate's voice and she never wanted to forget, especially with Resin telling her how she would have to be strong and represent their family and be strong for their children. That thought felt so entirely impossible, but she knew Resin was right. It didn't seem possible, but there wasn't a choice. She had to do it. She didn't know much about upholding a family name, but she had learned plenty about being a mother and she loved her children more than anything in her life - even more than Resin. If they had to become the reason she stayed alive until she found her way back to a new normal then she could do that. There's nothing else that you can do.

She blinked her eyes open reluctantly and found Resin's gaze again, drawing in a shuddering breath as she tried to push away the ever present tears. Be strong. Make her proud. Take care of their children. That's all she could think about. She just kept repeating those things to herself, hoping that if she thought them enough it would manifest itself into a shred of confidence. She didn't want to accept any of it. She didn't want to believe that there was no hope, but she didn't see another option. She could only take Resin at her word and for all of their time together that had been more than enough so she wasn't sure why that would change now. Resin stepped closer to the bars and a desperate pang of longing gripped at her chest. She nodded quietly about becoming the pillar of strength for their children. Impossible, but she would try. She would try for Resin and for their pups, their sweet children that just couldn't understand - not that she was doing much better.

She sat there in silence for a moment, memorizing every line and scar on Resin's face, swallowing back more tears. The fear and the sorrow was slowly starting to wear away, burned out like a candle burned from both ends. It would most assuredly be back, but for now it was just being replaced by longing for things she would no longer get to have. The threat of all the nights alone to come loomed in the back of her mind and she tried to push them away. She released the bar she was gripping in her right paw, hesitantly trying to reach past the bars. She wouldn't touch Resin without permission, not knowing if that would be too much, but she wanted to so badly. She didn't want the last thing she ever felt from her mate to be her teeth.

"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

She could see the pain in Tamsyn's ruined face and it struck her to the core, but there was nothing that she could do. Extending this meeting would only prolong the hurt. As the dark fae reached through the bars, Resin backed up, a low growl pulling back her lips. "Tamsyn, no." The ashen woman squared off, her stance widening. "Taking risks like this with me is going to get you killed." Why couldn't she understand? Resin could no longer be trusted and Tamsyn's face held all the proof of that. Again, she growled low, flashing more of those wickedly sharp teeth. The anger and disbelief was beginning to consume her. This situation was becoming too dangerous. "Get out of here, Tamsyn." Her words were laced with a snarl. Her mind was being eaten alive. The heightened emotions were too much. Resin needed to stay as emotionless as possible and this situation with Tamsyn wasn't helping. "Go. Now!" "Resin"

Tamsyn flinched away at Resin's growl, her mint gaze falling away from Resin's face and a trembling paw retreating to the outside of the cell once more as Resin scolded her. Her already hollow, pained heart snapped in her chest and she forced herself to get up and go toward the stairs at Resin's insistence, though she probably didn't move with the urgency or quickness that Resin wanted her to.

It felt like every step she took dug the knife deeper into her chest, her throat tight with emotion as she forced herself to not look back at her mate, the growls and snarls echoing around the dungeon and continuing to echo in her mind. In that moment she wished yet again that she had just died that night so she wouldn't have to live through this pain that seemed never ended and all encompassing, but now she didn't have a choice. Now she had to be the mother for their children and she was forced to face this life she no longer wanted. She had to be brave, just as Resin said. It felt impossible, but she had no choice. She climbed up the stairs and back out into the world, fighting back the tears that had been her only constant companion these days.

Tamsyn Carpathius