He had been in the hallows for about a week now. Zee had left the Armada shortly before he had gotten the news about Resin and rushed this way. Just over a week ago, she had gone North to explore the Ice Bridge. She knew how viciously protective Sirius was, and she should have checked in with him by now.

Her silence stretched out over the days, and mingled with the stress of seeing Resin as she was - he had a sick feeling in his stomach.

The Warlord made his way to the courtyard, and found Tamsyn stretching in the field there. Making his way closer to the dark furred wolf, he waved a paw to get her attention. “Tam. I’m getting worried about Zee. things here aren’t great, but they’ve been… unchanging the last few days. I’m going to spare a couple days and head North and find her trial.” he didn’t ask it, but it was there in his gaze. He was worried, and Tamsyn was as good a tracker as his wife was. But… he couldn’t not pull her away, not with Resin as she was.


"Speech"

After her fight with Sirius - and after Gwyn had allowed her to leave her very protective sight - Tamsyn had immediately fallen back into her old training routines from when she was working toward the Reaper competition. It had quickly become her escape over the last several days and she found herself out in the training yard until her muscles just couldn't handle any more. Sometimes Gwyn would come to watch her disapprovingly, but her daughter never intervened. She never said it, but even Gwyn could see how much it was helping her. It wore out her body so that she could sleep at night and it kept her out of the castle where her emotions could overwhelm her.

That's where she was when Sirius flagged her down, stopping her mid stretch as she was preparing to begin some practice. She paused and looked up at him with surprise, but as soon as she saw the worry creased across his face she dropped what she was doing and immediately trotted over to him while he explained his concerns over Zee. It didn't matter that he didn't ask, she would have come either way. She gave him an equally concerned look, her stomach twisting. First Resin and now Zee? She tossed back her head to howl to Ulric, letting him know that she was leaving, before looking back to Sirius with a nod. "Lets go." There was nothing she could do for Resin and she felt certain that nothing would change drastically if she was away for a few days. Sirius had dropped everything to be with her here, she could return the favor.














"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

He blinked once as Tamsyn raised her head and howled to Ulric. He understood the message as much as the other man would. Tamsyn was heading out. He hadn’t asked, but he hadn’t needed to. His closest friend was coming with him. There was a slight twitch, a spasm across the man’s face. Appreciation, relief, before he smoothed them away again. Instead of saying anything, he leaned over, and kissed her forehead. Putting his feelings into that gesture.

Then, immediately serious again, he began to sketch out a very rough map on the ground in front of them. Between Zee’s navigation experience, and a map maker that he had allowed into Armada territory some time back, he knew enough of the lands to sketch out a rough aerial view. “She was going to take this route North” he said, laying it out for her. “Let's start here, and look for indications of her passing” of which Tamsyn would be better spotting then he. He was the muscle here, she was the guide. He gave her time to study the map, and then swiped it away with a paw, getting to his feet, and heading out.

"Speech"

The flicker of emotions that darted across his expression didn't slip past her and it was all she really needed to know that he appreciated what she was doing. She really thought nothing of it. He needed her the same way that she had needed him. In the same ways that she had needed him when she first came to the Armada and he and needed her when Malalia went missing. They passed the need back and forth, back and forth, but they were always there for each other and that was what mattered. A soft smile tugged at her lips for a moment when he dipped his head to kiss her forehead, a silent thank you. She nodded before getting down to business and watching as he sketched out a map of the continent.

She scanned it thoroughly, picturing the path in her mind and taking it to heart. Once she was ready she looked up to him and he swept the map away and they immediately headed out of the courtyard, moving swiftly up through the northern portions of Auster and across the Bifrost. She took them to the border of the Tall Grass Plains first, wanting to be sure that they started right at the beginning of the path. She was unwilling to cut corners when it came to searching for Zee. Her worry wouldn't be able to match Sirius' but Zee was her friend as well and she cared about her greatly. She would never forgive herself if she tried to save them some time and ended up missing a sign of something.

Passing over the Rio Grande and the Orchard, she kept her nose to the ground and mint eyes peeled. She paid special attention around the border of Fireside as they went by the pack, looking for any clues that perhaps they might have gotten taken within the borders. Finding nothing, she let the suspicion drop and continued on, weaving past the Glowshroom Cavern and on to Veteran's Plateau. She climbed to the level plain scattered with remnants of a civilization long past and paused in the middle of the area for a moment, shaking her paws with a sigh to work out the ache that had formed in them. It was getting to be later in the afternoon at this point, but she almost didn't want to stop. Her body was still healing and seemed to be unwilling to let her continue this cross continent trek, but knowing that Zee could be out there somewhere in trouble made her want to keep going.

She looked up at Sirius with a questioning look. "How much farther should we go?" She was willing to keep going if he was and once that thought crossed her mind she wasn't sure why she asked. Of course he would keep going. He'd go to the ends of the earth for his wolves.

"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

I can't destroy what isn't there

They peeled out of the Hallows without a backwards glance. They set a decent pace, neither one willing to linger and waste time if Zee was in trouble. As they moved, the Warlord couldn’t chase away the growing unease in his chest. It wouldn't abate until Zee was in his arms. They skirted around Fireside, and he gave the packs borders a dark look. He, like Tam, looked for any scent of his Wife near the pack. His tracker found nothing, and he trusted in her abilities.

It was growing late in the afternoon when Tamsyn spoke out, questioning how far he wished to go into the evening. He looked at the path ahead of him, and then back to the still-injured wolf he called friend. A pained expression crossed his face, and he contemplated ordering her to rest while he scouted just a little further ahead.

Not that Tam would have let that fly.

Before he could voice anything, he caught the fading blur of fog rising into the sky. He stiffened, his body pointing in the direction of what could only be fire. Fear shot through his veins like a bullet, and he took off without a second thought.

Rushing in the direction of the smoke at a breakneck pace. He tore through the undergrowth, and found the spot that Zee and Azure must have camped at. The earth was blackened with soot and ash, and just to the side of the great patch of burnt earth lay two bodies. bodies being a misleading term. There was a hint of charred flesh still clinging to the bones, but it was clear the fire had run hot and fast before dying out. He howled. One long, pained gasp of a noise, loud enough to rend through the air

He threw himself towards the bodies, hissing at the heat that emanated from them. His paws burned in the hot ground as he threw himself to the side of the smaller wolf. Singed horns lingering upon the body.

No.

No, no, no, no.

“Zee” he moaned. He couldn’t feel his paws, he couldn’t feel the pain. He tried to grasp the wolf, to pull her onto his lap, and the last lingering pieces of flesh disintegrated. She was, quite literally, falling apart about his paws.

"Speech"

Tamsyn watched Sirius' face for the brief moment he seemed to be considering her question before something caught his attention and he bolted off light lightning. A jolt of fear went through her, but she took off after him all the same, paws hitting the ground hard as she ran as fast as her legs could take her in an attempt to keep up with Sirius' much longer strides. She panted hard as she ran, but when she looked up toward the sky ahead of her she saw the haze and remnants of smoke and understood. Oh no... she thought to herself, praying that it was just a freak coincidence and not at all related to the wolf they were searching for.

At some point Sirius had managed to get out of view, but a few moments later she heard his howl and her blood ran cold. Oh no, oh no... She ran harder than she thought was possible and skidded to a stop as soon as she laid eyes on the the ruined patch of land. Oh no, oh no, oh no... Her eyes snapped to Sirius just as he leapt toward what was a body at some point in time and panic rose up in her gut. "Sirius! Stop!" she cried to him as she hurried to the edge of this burned land where he was just slightly out of reach. The remnants of the fire were still releasing whips of smoke and she could feel the heat of it from here. There was no stopping him though and she watched as he delved into the embers and grasped at the body that fell to pieces under his touch.

Her stomach turned and twisted, threatening to make her sick as a rush of dread, sorrow, and worry threatened to knock her off her feet. She grit her teeth and carefully went in after him, stepping around the worst of the lingering embers to avoid singeing her paws as much as possible. "Sirius! Come on, get out of here!" she demanded before reaching for his scruff, desperately trying to pull him out to keep him from hurting himself any more. She could smell the burning flesh and it turned her stomach again, but she held it back as she tried her best to save him from himself.

"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

I can't destroy what isn't there

He stared in dumb, mute horror at the bones that clattered past his grip. He stared without understanding at what was now more of a jumbled pile of bones then a body. This wasn’t Zee. His wife, with her bright smile, and soft tawny colors could not be this hollow nothingness.

This wasn’t real.

None of this was real.

He might have sat there, scenting his own burning flesh and staring without seeing at these empty bones if Tamsyn hadn’t appeared beside him. He had not heard her approach, had not heard her call to him. But he felt her teeth in his scruff. He shot to his feet then. So fast he likely tore her off the ground if she was still holding on. He reached round and gripped her by the shoulder, unsheathing his claws and digging them straight into her flesh. Aiming to hurt and grip her as he pulled her bodily off him and tossed her to the ground without care. He had kept his eyes on the bones up until that point.

But he turned slowly now, turning smoulder blue eyes upon her. “Touch me again, and i will rip your limb from your body.” he couldn’t feel it, but he was beginning to shake. Violent shudders that started in his burning paws, and vibrated slowly up his body.

"Speech"

She knew she wasn't getting through to him, but she had to try. She had to. She couldn't leave him here like this, couldn't abandon him to let his paws get burned away while he sat staring at the corpse of what they could only presume was Zee and Azure. At this point it didn't matter if it was actually them or not because in his mind it was so he was hurting himself either way. She latched her teeth onto his scruff and began to pull him back toward the drifts of snow just beyond where the fire had gotten cut off in its spread, but before she got more than an inch she suddenly felt her paws lift away from the ground as he shot up before she had time to react and release his scruff.

A sharp, stabbing pain went through her from her shoulder as his claws gripped into her, causing her to release his scruff with a sharp, pained gasp. Just as suddenly she felt herself being tossed to the ground and she hit the earth with a hard thud, landing hard on her shoulder with a hiss of pain. She was quick to scramble back to her paws, stumbling back ward a few feet away from Sirius, her eyes wide with fear as he turned toward her with a hard gaze that she had never received from him before. His promise sent chills down her spine and all at once she felt like she was back in the room she had once shared with Resin, staring down her snarling mate with no sympathy or recognition in her golden eye.

no no no NO

She couldn't do this again. Not again. She refused. Even as the fear gripped her lungs and made it hard to breathe, she forced herself forward with gritted teeth, running to his side and dodging any swipe of his teeth or claws to be able to shove him forward and away from the bodies and the embers he seemed to refuse to leave. Searing pain stung at her paws, but she had to save him. She had to. "I can't loose you too, Sirius!" she cried, biting back the tears that welled up in her eyes, desperately doing everything she could to shove the mountain of a wolf to the safety of the snow. "Do you understand?! I can't! I can't loose you too!"

"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

I can't destroy what isn't there

He was already shifting his eyes back to Zee. his girl, his sweet little Queen. The smell of burnt flesh - both his and Zee’s - was rich in the air. It would be so easy. He could just lie down beside her. Close his eyes, and let the heat take him. A little bit of a quick could stir up those dying embers. It could consume him, as it had her. Take him away so he could be with his Wife and heir.

There was a whining in his ears, a high pitched noise that echoed with the blood pounding through them. Already, he didn’t hear Tamsyn again, and then suddenly, she was there again. Shoving into him, pushing, smacking, desperately trying to move him. He blinked, almost lazily, bringing her back into focus.

He heard her then, saw the tears. If hit had been anybody else. If it had been anything else. But he understood then what she saw. She was witnessing Resin all over again. Witnessing him lose it.

With absolute honesty, a part of him contemplated for a moment. It let himself think what if? he could let that darkness overtake him. Let himself become exactly what she feared in that moment. Kill her, kill her and die beside those he loved.

That voice was so strong that it shocked him back to reality, and all at once he felt his burning paws, his burning side. He let out a hiss of pain, blinking rapidly, and seeing the hurt and pain Tamsyn was dealing with.
He regretting bringing her with him.

All at once, he let out an angry snarl, and let himself go loose. Her next shove pushed him and he stumbled, using that momentum to carry his sore paws to the side and out of the burnt patch of earth. He collapsed on the cooler path of earth. His paws hurting and itching, his eyes itched and hurt also, like cinders had gotten into them. Or was it tears? His face was wet.

He buried his head in the earth, his body was shaking, almost convulsing. No, no no. Tamsyn had forced him back to reality, forced him to face it instead of burying it beneath rage and nothingness.

He was crying.
“Why Tamsyn. Why. If she’s gone, why can’t I go with her? I’m a selfish fucking bastard. Let me be. I don’t want anything else. Only Zee. It was always only Zee.”

"Speech"

Tears escaped her and streamed down her face as she continued to shove and shove and shove, frustration and desperation choking her along with the smoke around them and the smell of burning flesh. She had to save him. It was the one thought running through her mind again and again and again. She had to save him. She had to save him. She couldn't stand to lose another piece of her life, another soul that meant so much to her that it hurt. Everyone was slipping through her paws and she refused to let him go down that path too.

She didn't see him look at her, too focused on throwing every ounce of strength she had left into getting him up, getting him away from the remnants of the fire, getting him to safety. Then all at once she felt the rigidity of his body fall away and he went stumbling away from the site where Zee's remains were now broken apart. A shaky sigh of relief left her as she darted after him, wincing as she walked on her singed paws and fell to the ground beside him, panting hard between sobs that creeped up on her before it was too late for her to stop them. She turned her gaze to her best friend, seeing the absolute torment he wore on his face. Her heart was broken, shattered, for him and for herself.

Tamsyn slid closer to him, lifting his head up from the ground and managed to cradle his head against her chest, wrapping her forelegs around him as she did her best to hide him away from the deadly scene that was now at her back. She could feel his tears wetting her fur and she didn't care. She welcomed them. It meant he was here, he was alive. He was himself. That's all that mattered. "There's so many that still need you. So many of your wolves that still need you," she told him between between sobs of her own. "Asla, Mortis, Indigo, Briar, Ophelia, Gossamer, Aris, Kotori..." She began to list them one by one quietly to him while her paw gently stroked his cheek, hoping to remind him how much more he still had to live for. "Every wolf in the Armada... Resin... Me... We need you... We're yours for a reason, you can't leave us now..."

"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

I can't destroy what isn't there

He didn’t want to be aware and functioning. He didn’t want to be forced back to the reality he found himself in. A part of him hated Tamsyn for forcing it upon him. He didn’t fight her however as she gently shoved herself into his personal space. Grabbing his head, and cradling it to her chest. Wrapping herself about him. In fact, to his own disgust, he welcomed her warmth. He wrapped one of his own paws tightly around herself, holding her close to him.

Oh gods what had he done.

He had lost her, his Zee.

“What do I care for them?” he lied. “The only wolf I ever wanted or needed was her ”

She cradled him like a mother might, her paw gentle against his cheek. Damp now, from his tears. She cradled him and he wept, openly, big ugly tears. The type that brought out red veins in your eyes and swelled your cheeks. “I hate you. I hate all of you holding me here with your wants and needs.” was the last thing he said for a while. Then he lay there in silence, aching and hurting more on the inside then his body could feel on the outside. He lay there, and she cradled him as evening turned fully to night, and that night drifted on slowly without them. The sky was bright with stars, and a partial moon hung brightly in the sky above them. Brilliant and beautiful, as though it did not understand the horror it witnessed.

He didn’t know how long he lay there, before he rubbed his eyes, and pulled himself slowly, and painfully to his sleep. “I don’t want to be here, but I’m going through the motions. Body. Armada. I’m not leaving without them.”

"Speech"

Tamsyn sighed when she felt his paw wrap around her, holding her tight. His words stung, hearing that he didn't care for them, that he hated that they needed him, but she knew they weren't true. They couldn't be. She could see past his hurt and his pain and know that he didn't mean what he said because it was pain that she was currently living. She saw herself in that and it made her hold on to him tighter. Resin wasn't gone yet, but she was steadily losing herself and it drug out that pain and sorrow into a never ending nightmare. But for Sirius it had happened suddenly, with no warning, and he was forced to process it all at once. She pushed the hurtful words out of her mind, refusing to acknowledge them as she held onto her dear friend and he held on to her, letting him cry against her for as long as he needed.

She didn't dare move even as evening faded into night. At some point she had rested her head across his neck and let her eyes close, only to open them moments later as horrible images and memories danced across her eye lids. Resin attacking her, hearing her mate slamming madly into the door, watching Sirius running into burning coals, seeing Zee's body fall to pieces under his touch, the look in his eyes as she threw herself into him to save him... it all replayed across her mind in a haze that she couldn't stop. Eventually Sirius untangled himself from her and she was forced to stand with him, grimacing as she got to her paws with shaky limbs.

She hadn't been in the best condition, mentally or physically, when this all began and after a day of travel, racing to catch him, fighting him out of his stupor... She was shocked she even managed to make her body respond. She glanced up at him tiredly when he mentioned he was just going through the motions of it and how he wasn't leaving without their bodies. She nodded, already knowing he wasn't going to leave the remains behind. She glanced around till she spotted a few larger branches that had fallen from some near by trees. She went to retrieve them, working them together with a few smaller branches into a very rough version of a travois. It wasn't pretty, but it would manage.

Luckily, in the time that they had been laying here, the last of the embers had seemed to burn out, the only ones remaining were toward the center of where the fire must have began. She helped to pull the makeshift travois over to where their bodies were, or at least what was left of them, and swallowed back the bile in her throat as she began helping him to collect their remains and load them up to take them home.

"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

I can't destroy what isn't there

She said nothing, just got to her paws stiffly and got to work. As she fumbled near the edges of the burnt space for sticks, he stood there and trembled. His body shaking with tremors violent enough that he bit his tongue. He clenched his paws in the earth, and forced a deep breath into his body. Down through his lungs, as his eyes slid slowly closed and then open again.

Pain, all he felt was pain, so thick in his mind and his body that it numbed him. He had wanted to love Zee for the rest of their lives. He had wanted to grow old together. He wanted nothing more than to hear her bicker at him as he tweaked her tail, just to hear the wonderful bite of her voice. He wanted to spar with her, the underdog. The little Queen that was one of the only wolves in the world who occasionally managed to knock him off his paws.

He wanted to hold her through the thunderstorms, as she started out shaking, whimpering, and slowly settled in his arms. Knowing he would keep her safe. Trusting in him, over her fears of hearing the thunder.

Tamsyn was back, he hadn’t realised she had pulled over her makeshift sled and was looking at him as he stared blankly into nothingness. She had waited for him, patient, silent. He rubbed his eyes roughly with a paw, and stomped forward. Trying to find that air of dispassion. Callous, cold. He wanted nothing more than to be these things.

He stopped first by Azure, looking down at the bones of his rising son. His heir, who was supposed to be greater than him one day. Whose bear-like paws had been strong, determined. His eyes, quick to anger, were just as quick to protect those that belonged to the Armada. The Warlord snared at those bones. “You didn’t keep her safe any better then I did” he said as he grabbed at the bones, and tossed them onto the woven sticks. If he trembled as he did so, he didn’t bring notice to it.

Once all the pieces of his son were collected, he had no choice. He had to turn back to her, to his Zee. He grabbed at the antlers. Picking them up in his maw, and her head clung to it for a moment, before tearing free and clattering to the earth. He stared, he stared for a long time at those antlers, and the pieces of her skull. He didn’t move, he just stood there. Holding it, as through he couldn’t fathom what pieces of his soul connected to his limbs.

"Speech"

She stood there, ready and willing to follow his every command and wish. Just as a good General should. She no longer held the title or the role, but she had never truly given it up. She had always been dedicated to him, always would be. She watched as she stomped his way toward where she was waiting by the bones and remains of the wolves he was mourning, her ears flicking as he spoke to Azure as if he was laying there, condemning him for not being able to protect Zee either. It hurt. Everything hurt. She couldn't get away from the pain that followed her everywhere and she resigned herself to quietly help him pick up the pieces of his son, placing them a bit more gently onto the sled than he had.

Then it was time for Zee. She hesitated and watched as she picked up the skull by its antlers, watching with horror as the rest of the skull fell away from her horns and went clattering back to the ground. Swallowing hard, she stepped forward and carefully picked up the piece of Zee that had fallen away, taking it over to the sled and gingerly setting it down. She wasn't sure if Sirius would ever unfreeze from the position he was in, but she continued on regardless, moving the bones piece by piece into a pile on the travois until none were left. With the grim task completed she situated the travois on her back and looked back at Sirius, making sure he was actually following before she began to quietly pull the sled back toward the Armada.

For a long time she was quiet. There wasn't possibly any words she could say to soothe him. She knew that. But as they retraced their steps to take Zee and Azure home, she couldn't help but speak the words that were churning in her mind. She didn't look up at him as she spoke, instead leaving her tired gaze on the ground in front of them. "Zee... Zee is dead." It hurt even in her own ears, a fact neither of them wanted to face. "But the Armada is not. I'm not. Your children or not. Even if you don't want to live for yourself, at least live for us." She paused, finally pulling her gaze up to his face as she continued to trudge onward. "You've survived so much hardship before... we both have. And we'll survive this. You'll lose Zee, I'll lose Resin, and somehow... somehow we'll heal. You can't drive me away. I'll always be here for you like you've been here for me."


"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

If I'm alone I can not hate

Tamsyn moved slowly around him. A part of him registered that she was hurt, aching, exhausted. It registered, but it was like the realisation was hitting a different wolf. He couldn’t bring himself to do anything about it. To take over, to take charge. To carry the weight. He couldn’t do anything, he could only stare, as she moved about his unyielding form, and carefully took up the pieces of his wife.

Of his wife

There was still a lingering touch of her scent here. She had walked into this clearing, innocently started a warm fire to fight off the chill of this second-winter. Perhaps the smoke had taken them first. Perhaps she had died quietly in her sleep from the smoke. But what if she had woken, near the end? What if she had seen her son burning. What if she had felt her flesh searing off her bones?

He didn’t move, he couldn’t. He was frozen, staring at her antlers. At least the skull was gone. Tamsyn had picked it up right from under his nose and carefully added it to the gruesome stash.

He stared a while longer, and then carefully stacked the antlers on top. He wished a piece of the king cheetah coat he had made her had survived. King cheetah…. He laughed suddenly. “Winter cheetah.’ he muttered under his breath. It had taken Zee a long time to convince him it had been a different species of the cat, and not just a winter coat.

Tamsyn was speaking, begging him to live for the pack, for them. He flinched as she mentioned losing Resin, that they would the both of them survive this. The bitch. The audacity of her, that she thought he had any desire to outlive what had happened here. It was nothing but her selfishness that kept him to this earth.

He let the smaller, injured wolf pull the wagon. Something that only a day past he never would have let happen. He trudged along beside her, stiff and painful on burnt paws and broken soul. “Whatever happens, Tamsyn, remember that you chose freely to drag me on.” He said coldly as he continued to limp along beside her. Refusing to look at her or the burden she dragged with them.

"Speech"

Pain flickered across her expression and her ears folded back at his words, blaming her for keeping him here. For not letting him die. For dragging him on and forcing him to go back to the Armada and to his family. He knew who she was, recognized what they were doing, where they were going, but this still wasn't her Sirius. She grit her teeth, wanting to bite back her anger, her disappointment, her fear. She kept repeating to herself that he didn't mean it, that it was just the unbelievable heartache he was going through making him say these things, the same heartache that had her trying to fight her way back to the side of her attacker the night Resin ripped away most of her face. This love they had for their partners, this never ending love.

But it was hard.

She turned her gaze back toward the ground in front of her once again as she seethed in her own anger and sorrow, fighting back the biting words she wanted to give him in return. She knew it would do no good for her to say them, in fact it would probably make things worse. That didn't stop them from continuing to linger on her tongue until her anger burned out and left her feeling even more tired than before. More hollow. She lost track of whether her feet were moving or not, barely awake as she put one painful paw in front of the other, moving on autopilot back to the borders of the Armada like a homing pigeon returning home. By the time they reached the outskirts of the Tall Grass Plains, her paws had been worn raw, the crudely made travois had worn a sore spot across her back, every muscle was screaming with pain, her still healing wounds were red and irritated and cracked around the edges.

And yet somehow she kept moving. She moved right past the border of the pack, unwilling to call for anyone as she carried the gruesome load toward the middle of the territory, reaching the pack's gathering place before her body finally decided enough was enough. She slowed to a stop and her legs gave out from under her. She fell to the ground and made no move to get up again. She couldn't. Nothing she did could make her body respond. She laid there in the middle of Armada territory, next to the travois piled with bones of wolves she had once called friends, next to a man who had at some point been her best friend and confidant, and all she felt was emptiness. At some point she managed to curl in on herself and everything went dark, whether from passing out or falling asleep or some combination of both, she wasn't sure. Her body shut down and took her with it.

"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

I don't deserve to have you

The journey home in the dark was long, but it gave him time to find a piece of his past. It was like a mask that no longer fit properly. He had once been nothing but a slave, a prawn in a larger scheme. There had been times when he had been ordered to kill another slave, to deal out punishments for those that had ‘wronged’ the Empire. It had been easier to become someone who cared nothing for those around him. Before Deathbelle had offered him his freedom, and Zee had forced him to accept it.

He shut himself down, reached for the boiling anger and turned it into hate. This world just kept ripping away the things he loved, taking from him. Hate was easy, it was easier to hate than to feel his sorrow.

Tamsyn had other ideas, she wouldn’t let him hold onto this shield against the world. He had not seen her, he had paid no mind to the wolf beside him. He had felt nothing when they reached Armada territory and continued on.

It wasn’t until Tamsyn collapsed that he realised what he had done. It shook from from his stupor and he stared in horror at the collapsed wolf. She had done this for him.

No, no no no” He gasped, throwing himself at her side. It took a moment in his panic for him to find her heartbeat, and see the rise and fall of his chest. He trembled, shaking, before kissing his cheek. “I love you Tam, and it hurts so much to love, damn you.” he whispered, feeling his tears returning. He tore the makeshift cart off her, splintering it in the process - if he let out some of his rage, there was no one here to call him out on it - bones scattered, but Tamsyn was free. The Warlord raised his head and howled an urgent summons to his recently promoted Trauma Specialist. Mojito.

"Speech"

Mojito had known that with his recent promotion he'd be called on even more than he'd already been and it seemed that would prove true sooner than he'd expected. The new responsibility he carried sat uncomfortably on him, though he expected... or rather hoped that he would grow into it in time, he wasn't so naive as to be optimistic that he'd get to see the eternal winter release its grip before he was called upon but he had to hope that at the very least he'd be given some time to replenish his bare-bones store of herbs... he had a mind to take up the garden he'd been made aware of but knew well enough it would be difficult enough to break ground let alone get a flourishing garden going while the cold clung to the bones of the world. So it wasn't exactly a great sign that his warlord was calling for him so soon, and with something clearly marring his tone though the boy would not be able to place it until later when the man would explain the scene Mojito was about to walk upon. Basic healing herbs, one of only three bundles left of the most basic of herbs tucked in his mouth with Hoa set to trot a little ways behind him the boy would walk upon something truly terrifying. He quickly attempted to assess the scene before him, bones, flesh, and what appeared to be shattered wood scattered around a crumbled form he did not recognize and the warlord. A cursory glance over the unsettling remains at least told him that they didn't belong to either of the wolves before him, they appeared charred and neither Sirius or the woman seemed too badly burnt, though a slight redness around what he could see of the warlord's paws and chest told him the man had likely fished the remains out of whatever fire they'd been in. Mojito pushed forward, pushing Sirius' wounds to the bottom of his list when he noticed that he at least was conscious whereas the woman was not. She had her own light burns, her shoulders were rubbed raw and there were some partially healed wounds of her own. He glanced at the warlord as he started to undo his little bundle, separating out some Meadowsweet, dandelions, and marigold. He sent Hoa back with the remaining herbs instructing him to store them as needed, leaving him alone with the other wolves. "Meadowsweet for pain." Mojito said pushing the small white flowers towards the man. "One for you, and if you can help her swallow it, one for her. I'll start with the burns, to make sure they're not infected. Can you tell me about those?" He gestured with his muzzle towards the partially healing wounds the woman bore, unsure if the warlord would have an answer or not but figured it probably hadn't helped the matter. His tone was all business, though it was obvious from the way his gaze moved he was dying to ask what had happened... but was forcing himself to focus on his patients first. He didn't wait to hear if Sirius was going to give him any information before he started stripping the petals from the marigold as carefully as possible to prepare to apply them to the burns. "Speech"

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I don't deserve to have you

The Warlord stepped back from Tam, pacing and growling before Mojito appeared. The smell of his dead wife and child beside him, Tamsyn collapsed before him. He was not doing a good job of holding it together. His eyes flashed when Mojito appeared, and pushed herbs towards him. He managed to reign himself in enough not to attack his lead healer. Mojito was important, to him and to the pack.
One of the lessons his lead healer would need to learn quickly, was not taking shit from an angry Warlord.

He ignored the herb for himself, but he grabbed the one for Tamsyn. He pried open her muzzle and placed it on her tongue, before blowing on her nose. The gesture was down with very deliberate, very careful motions. He knew how easy it would be to break something on the smaller, more fragile wolves around him, feeling as he was.

That done, he got back to pacing, back and forth while the healer worked. There was a delay between his question asked, and Sirius answering. Brutal truth, a healer had to know what they were working with. “The scars on her face were given by her Wife a few days ago. She lost control, and now the pack are keeping her in the dungeon while they figure it out.” by now, it had likely spread around the Armada why Sirius had left in a hurry to the Hollows. To help Resin and Tamsyn. Both wolves that were his

Even when they did stupid, foolish things, like pull him away from his dead wife.

His breath hissed from his mouth again, and he paused his pacing for a moment. “Can you identify bodies through bones?” it wasn’t a practice he knew existed or not, but he had to ask.

"Speech"

Mojito was admittedly a little surprised by the warlord's forceful way of getting the herbs down the woman's gullet but he couldn't really complain about the efficacy. Nor could he really chose to be picky about it when he had asked for a helping paw. He set about gently checking the areas around the woman's worst burns, pushing fur out of the way and checking them for any signs of infection. It wasn't glamorous work, the burns had been left long enough that they were swollen and reddened, he cleaned the pus that had started to form and began to work the dandelion roots and Marigold over the wound, pressing lightly and securing them as best he could with what little materials he had on paw. Sirius' question caught his attention and he glanced over at the overturned cart, the strong smell of burnt flesh and ash clearly coming from that direction. "Bones by themselves are hard to go by." He said, trying to keep his tone even as he worked and not let the growing fear and worry about this particular line of inquiry creep into his voice. "If you know of any instances of broken bones you might be able to identify the fracture lines..." He checked over his work again, feeling confident enough that he was willing to step away for now, casting a quick glance over the wounds from an earlier date to make sure they weren't infected. He gestured with his paw for the man to allow him to tend to the warlord's wounds, doing his best not to make his curiosity about the scene known. "Speech"

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