Tamsyn had called him back to the Hallows. It seemed there was always something bringing him back here. Would it be easier to leave it all behind him? To concentrate on the pack, and his children who needed him. His kids seem to scatter from him since the meeting. He knew his cold front after finding Zee had shocked them, and he struggled to… to do better with them. It should have been Zee that was there for them, not the grumpy Warlord.

Ignoring his dark thoughts, he trotted back to the Hallows and found his way to Tamsyn. I've loved you nearly since the day I met you

She was by the entrance to the dungeons. It was… terribly familiar with the path that leads there now. He had howled to Ulric at the border, so she would have heard his entrance. He slowed to a soft walk, and brushed up beside her. Looking at the door as she was. “Bad, huh?” was all he said.


"Speech"

Tamsyn paced back and forth around the space outside of the dungeon's stairwell. She had been down there a few times now over the last couple of days, knowing how bad things were getting, but she couldn't stay down there. Not alone, anyway. She was torn between her need to stay near her mate in what could be her final hours and her own weakness. It hurt too much to look at Resin suffering, it scared her too much to see how far gone she was. Even though there was a secure set of bars between them, when she looked into the distant, empty eye of her once mate it still brought back the fear she had tried so hard to forget.

Just as she always had, and probably always would, she turned to the only wolf she felt like she had left. She had persevered without him for as long as she could, but couldn't do it on her own any longer. Ulric had to tend to the pack, she didn't want her children involved, Lúta was ill herself, she didn't want any of the other pack wolves to see Resin in this state... Sirius was all she had left. Her only friend. She stared at the stairs that she was afraid to go down until she felt a presence beside her. She didn't even have to look up to know it was him when he brushed against her side.

She nodded quietly to his question, swallowing hard around a lump in her throat. Stating the obvious. "To put it lightly," she managed after a moment, letting out a shaky sigh. "She's pretty much completely gone at this point. Doesn't recognize us. Frail. Violent. Not even the concoction Lúta came up with seems to be working any more." She finally lifted her gaze up to his face, her ears flicking back. She didn't want to need him. She didn't want to pull him away from his pack and his family. But she did, and he was here. "Thank you for coming," she told him quietly, leaning into his shoulder.






"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

He could see the emotions she was containing. Saw the way she regarded the door with fear. Her own mate had changed like a snap, and ripped the new scars across her face. She loved Resin, but she feared her too, and she hated that fear. Sirius knew and understood that as he leaned lightly against her.

She told him how bad it was getting, and his eyes closed briefly. She was deteriorating faster then expected, did that mean the end was approaching? It was a horrible, cruel thought, but he almost wished it was so. The Resin he knew would have hated to watch herself fall to madness, to know she was a danger to those she loved. Those that cared for her were forced to watch her slowly fail, and it was tearing them in two. Would it have been kinder if it had been quick, like Zees? He thought of Zee behind that door, thrashing in madness. He knew, he knew beyond a doubt that he would have gone in there with her, and let his Zee kill him. It made no sense, for he would be hurting his beloved in the doing, but nothing would have kept him from her. Tamsyns fear made more sense than the Warlord's terrible need.

Reigning back his thoughts from that dark path, he met Tamsyns eyes as she looked to him. Her head was close to his, and he could miss none of the pain in her tortured green gaze. “Always. Always and forever.” He promised her softly.
I've loved you nearly since the day I met you
He turned his head away from those poor green eyes, and looked at the closed door once more. Wishing he could chase the words from his thoughts.

"Speech"

She smiled softly and nodded to his promise, knowing it was true, before his gaze turned away from hers. It still hurt to be with him, but not as much as it did to be alone. It was like picking the lesser of two evils and in this case facing him so soon after humiliating herself and breaking her own heart had been the one she had chosen. It was that or continue to be frozen by fear in the corner of the dungeons while her mate spiraled even deeper into this madness that was consuming her whole, twisting her into something that she hardly recognized. If it wasn't for the recognizable scars that she had traced with her paws and kisses time and time again and the distinctive markings that she could pick out from the largest crowd she never would have believed it was ever her Resin.

She looked at the dungeon door again, letting her heartbreak and sorrow distract her from Sirius' presence at her side and the words that continued to float through her mind from the last time they spoke. Fierce, platonic love. I do love you, or I could have... She pushed them away. Not now. Not ever again. She had drawn lines, she needed them to hold true. Right now it was about Resin. "I want to be with her... at the end," she told him, leaving her gaze on the door. It was coming, sooner than they'd like. "I know she won't know who I am, I know she's just going to howl and flail whenever she forgets I'm there and then realizes it again, but... I can't just... I can't just let her die down there alone. In this awful, awful dungeon." Her voice cracked and choked at the end, her ears folding back against her skull.

"I hate this. I hate that it ever happened, I hate that I can't fix it. I hate that I can't help her. She helped me so much and I... I can't do anything." She grit her teeth, falling into the frustration and helplessness she had been pushing down in the days since he left. She hated how vulnerable he made her feel, but she also didn't know who else she could ever say this stuff to. If she never told him it would just fester and burn her alive. "Now I can't even manage to be with her on my own to do the one kindness I can think of doing for her in these last days..." She turned away from him and the dungeons, stalking off toward the courtyard, fuming with anger and frustration at everything and nothing all at once.

"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

He put his paw over hers, hearing the words of her heartbreak. This strong, but damaged wolf. The hurt in her beautiful lime eyes pricked at him. He wished there was a way he could fix it. If he could go down there and trade places with Resin, he would. In a heartbeat. Tamysn would have her love back, and Sirius would slip quietly into madness…

She was pulling away from him before he could collect his thoughts, and stormed off into the courtyard. He was only a moment behind her, lengthening his stride until he was beside her again. It was easy to keep up with the hurting, angry wolf. “The inability to do something will always be the hardest factor. But you are here and you are holding your family. Look at you Tam? Knowing your fear and finding a way to face it. Strong. That’s what I see. A wolf willing to do anything for those she loves. I will help you through this. If my being here helps you be strong, then I’m here. I’m here.”
I've loved you nearly since the day I met you

He wished he was a wolf that could feel less, that her words weren’t an aching hole in his chest. Wished he could be who she needed, that letting himself fall down into the depths of her didn’t rip them both apart.

"Speech"

He was there, always there. She stormed out into the courtyard and his long strides easily caught up with her own and she slowed to a stop with him beside her as he spoke of how he could only see her as strong for holding her family, finding a way around her fear, willing to do anything for those she loves. Strong. She stood there beside him for a moment, almost wishing she could still be angry. Anger felt better than never ending pain and sadness. She could lash out with anger, sorrow only broke her. But she knew that letting herself be angry and frustrated wouldn't do anyone any good. It only pushed the pain deeper, made her hurt more.

She sighed, glancing toward the ground. "I'm... trying, at least," she admitted, not entirely confident that she was doing any of the things that he listed very well. But she was trying. "I've got to try, for my children, if nothing else." Her sweet, sweet children. They had already been at the center of her life before all of this, but they quickly became her only reason for living in her darkest moments. Her loving Artorias coming to find her when she broke down after confessing what had happened between herself and Sirius to Resin, her big hearted Rudyard scouring everywhere he could manage to go for a cure for his mother, her talented, dedicated Gwynevere nearly working herself to the bone to treat her after the attack. Her children.

She paused and managed to bring her gaze up to his, a frown pulling at her lips. "Artorias saw me break down. I tried to hide it, but he caught me going up to the tower. I... I can't let that happen again. He is such a good son, helped lift my spirits and forced me to think about things..." About us. "But I can't do that to him again. It's like I can be strong for a few moments and then something happens or I slip and I'm right back where I was."





"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

“You’ve got the trying thing down pat” He promised, offering her a small smile. She tried, and tried, and tried. Her determination had thrown him back into the land of the living. It kept her kids sane, and the pack together. Ulric might be its head now, but Sirius had no doubt whatsoever that Tamsyn was its heart.

When she lifted her head again, it was to frown at him. He mock-frowned back at her, until she started to speak, and he understood what had put it there. He felt… guilt. He knew what she was saying. They were the adults, and they shouldn’t force their kids to be their counselors. He thought of Asla, holding everything together while he fell apart. Yeah, he got it. “Then I’ll be your sounding board. If you could say anything in the world, what words would you want to throw out there right now?” He asked her softly. Seating his rump against the earth and facing her.

She had been there for him, no doubt, no hesitation, she had just… been. Now it was his turn. Whatever she needed.

"Speech"

She looked at him now as he sympathized with her, tried to bring lightness to her struggle, encouraging her, offering himself as her sounding board. It was hard to believe that this was the same man that had been throwing himself onto still burning embers to reach his wife's body, threatening her as she tried to save him. This was her Sirius. Her Sirius was back and it warmed and hurt her all at once. Her friend. Her only friend. Fierce, platonic love. Now that she had an open invitation to say whatever she wanted or needed she almost couldn't find the words. They all escaped her as she looked up at his sapphire eyes.

"I'd yell at Rudyard for leaving without telling anyone and worrying the hell out of me - even if it was to go try to find something to help Resin," she started, picking at any little thing that had strained her, slowly pulling at strings until she began to unravel. As she spoke her words picked up momentum and heat, tears starting to well up in her eyes. "I'd tell Gwynevere that she's going to end up killing herself if she doesn't slow down and think of herself for just a moment. I'd tell Ulric that I hate him for ever allowing Resin to lock herself in that damn cell to begin with... I'd curse at whatever being or god put Resin and I together and let me love her like this... I'd curse them even more for taking her away from me... I'd-" She stopped short, biting back the words that she wouldn't be able to take back. She couldn't do that to herself again, not again. Lines. She needed lines. She sighed heavily and lowered her head, stepping forward until she head butted his chest. I'd tell you how infuriating it is to not be able to love you. I'd tell you how painfully lonely it is laying in my room alone.

"I hate this. All of it. Every single last bit. I just want everything to go back to how it was." She lifted her head again to look at him as another thought crossed her mind, desperate frustration in her eyes. "You know what might be the worst part? On top of the nightmares about Resin attacking me, the nightmares about my father came back. My fucking father. I thought those were gone! I... I haven't had those dreams since I started seeing Resin. Not even after Osmond showed up. And now that, on top of all of this. I just..." She turned from him and found a small rock near by, kicking it hard with a grunt and sending the thing flying in a toss that was ultimately unsatisfying. "I just want it all to stop."

"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

He held her gaze, chasing away the words that whispered near-constantly in the recess of his mind. The here and now. Him, Tamsyn, and the weight of the world on her chest. He smiled as she mentioned yelling at Rudyard. Wayward kids was a constant struggle with the Warlord too.

His smile vanished as pools of sadness began in the corners of her eyes. He leaned a little closer to her, creating a world that was just the two of them, as he listened. So, Gwyn took after her green-eyed mother then. Helping, helping, helping. Even when it hurt her. Her rant grew, and grew, letting out the poison in her heart. When she stepped closer, head butting his chest, he wrapped his paws about her, holding her gently close to him. Her head against his chest, where she could hear the steady beating of his heart.

He let her go when she pulled free, no matter how much he didn’t want to. He was respecting her lines, letting her come and go, push and pull, as much as she needed. He loved her. Oh, it was a stupid, horrible truth, but it lingered in his heart as he watched her kick against the stone and wish she could make it all stop.

“You are not the wolf you were in your fathers clutches. You are strong and grown into yourself. You can hold your own, and I have no doubt you could free your own self now if you ever needed to.”

He stepped closer to her again. “But you don’t have to, because I will always come. Always, always, always. I would chase you to the other end of Boreas and save you, even knowing damn well you could save yourself.

"Speech"

She kept herself from looking up at him as he began to speak, even as he moved closer, instead pretending to focus on the small patch of earth she had uncovered when she kicked the rock away. It was easier than looking up at those sapphire eyes as he spoke these sweet words, telling her how he'd always be there. And she knew he was telling the truth. He would always go to the ends of the earth for his wolves. His, always his. She sighed softly, finally pulling her gaze up to meet his with a soft, sad smile. "I know you would," she agreed without a doubt in her mind. And she would do the same for him. Even after she finally convinced her heart to move on, she would still continue to be there for him. Always.

"What I wouldn't give to find my father just to tear his throat out right about now," she commented with a dry laugh, glancing back toward the castle doors. "That would be one hell of a way to relieve some of this stress." He was right that she could hold her own and free herself if she had to, but she wanted more than that. She wanted to rid her life of that past entirely. But she couldn't she'd never find him again - if he was even still alive - and there was no fixing the scars he left on her. Physically or mentally. It wasn't something that she had allowed herself to think about in a very, very long time, but with all this it seemed that all of her old feelings and pains had decided to come out of the woodwork to pile on to everything else that was wearing away at her bit by bit.

"Will you stay in the dungeon with Resin and I?" she asked after a moment, already knowing the answer as she glanced back at him. Always.












"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

Sirius laughed softly, through there was sadness in it too. “Warlord style stress relief, atta girl.” He teased, trying to lighten the mood just a little with his words. She’d been there for him. She had dragged him out of the pit, ignoring the wounds he inflicted on her in the process. She refused to let go, no matter how much it hurt. He walked a line, returning the favour without crossing the rules she had set for him.

Tamsyn was his General, his Best friend, and she was hurting. She was hurting exactly like he had been hurting. He wasn’t the wolf she was by half, but he would do his best. “Of course I’ll be there.”


"Speech"

She grinned a little at his comment about her choosing some Warlord style stress relief. Crying and breaking was getting her no where so maybe it was time for her to go the other direction instead. "I learned from the best," she commented in return. She had learned everything from him. Everything she was she owed to him and to Resin. The two wolves that made her whole. She gave him a long look, considering him for a moment. Despite the fact that he still hadn't been fully stable when he left her last he seemed better now. Changed by the pain the last couple of months had brought them, but that was true for her as well. Changed mentally and physically. She still didn't feel like herself, but she had come to realize that she'd never return to how she once was. She was different now and she'd have to learn and accept that.

Tamsyn gave him an appreciative smile when he agreed to come with her, though she had never doubted for a moment that he would. There was a beat of hesitation before she moved closer to him again, bringing her side to his and leaning into his shoulder. "Thank you," she told him softly, looking up at him. For being there for her, for agreeing to be with her and Resin despite how hard it was on them both, for respecting the lines she had set. She only wished that he would make it harder for her to love him the way she did. But perhaps she could develop her own fierce, platonic love with enough time. "Lets... Lets go see her. I don't know how long I'll be able to stay down there, but I feel better about it now that you're here."














"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

“And the grumpiest” He agreed. Tearing apart those that hurt him and his was definitely no strange concept to him. He sighed softly, regretting that the latest enemies weren’t ones he could tear apart with might.

“Thank you ” he mirrored back to her. He might not be whole - he would never be whole again - but he could function now. He could at least pretend there wasn’t a gaping wound in his center tearing him apart. That was thanks to Tamsyn, for keeping him here, and his pack and family. Asla.

“Alright, let's go see her” he agreed, knowing it would hurt the both of them. But that was why here was, to shelter her from whatever mental blows he could.



"Speech"