Getting to live and work within the Hallows had been an interesting and enlightening experience for the young fae so far. After a few weeks amongst the moderately sized pack, Syanna had already gotten an idea for how the pack ran. Everyone worked and contributed in their own ways: fighters training to defend their home, hunters gathering meat, healers collecting herbs and mixing medicines, and everyone coming together to socialize and simply coexist. It was astoundingly different from the rigid and misogynistic structure of her birth pack, and Syanna was getting whiplash from the clashing of the world she had known to the one she found herself in now. She spent her time gathering herbs for the pack's lead healer, Gwynevere, and using her limited knowledge to prepare poultices and tinctures for use when they might be needed. Under the young woman's guidance, Syanna found a rhythm and flow to the medical side of the pack, and soon after adapted herself into its routines.

One grievously large thing she noticed was the pharmacy's disturbing lack of back stocked supplies. It seemed as if the last few seasons had  hit the Hallows pretty hard, and replenishing the medicine stores would be their first priority. So Syanna had spent most of her time gathering up the plants where she could and helping to cultivate the greenhouse someone had set up before she arrived. If they could grow their own plants on a regular basis, then maybe they wouldn't need to travel so far for remedies. As it was, some things required the legwork, and that was what had brought her to the falls just south of the castle. Ginseng, horsetail, valerian root, and watercress. Anything and everything would be a boon.

Syanna approached the verdant lands surrounding the falls, listening to the distinct sound of rushing water get louder and louder to know she was headed in the right direction. She tightened her satchel around her, trying to ignore the incessant itch tweaking at her insides as the fire beneath her tail smoldered hotter. How unfortunate for her to begin her first season when there was so much to do and so many wolves around. She'd known it was coming with the turn of her second birthday, but it was still embarrassing to try and hold a conversation with someone while trying to not press and rub your legs together to try and find any relief from the gnawing need aching inside her belly. Gods dammit, she was more resilient than this! She had control of her body, not the other way around!

Her heat did, however, bring about another challenge to overcome: Ezra. At first it hadn't been so bad. The boy had been bedridden while he healed, and was still confined to the infirmary when her heat had started. But now the dire wolf boy was ambulatory again and she had to try and avoid him, afraid of what might happen if she let him get too close to her. She knew how primal and uncontrollable brutes were with their urges, and although Ezra had been nothing but a sweetheart to her thus far, she didn't trust his male brain to stay in control the second he caught a whiff of her scent. Pheromones were a hell of a drug. With his tremendous size and stature, if he tried to do anything to her, she'd have no hope of fighting him off. And then what? Nothing would happen to him; he was the son of the alpha! No, no it was better to avoid the brute altogether. Less chance of getting assaulted that way.

The falls came quickly into view. Syanna gazed up in awe at the cascading water coming from a number of different falls, all pouring into a large pool that ran into a stream bound for the ocean. Dainty paws carried her to the water's edge, where she dipped her muzzle to the cool water and took a long drink. At least this far out here, Syanna wouldn't have to worry about anyone bothering her. Auster seemed like a pretty quiet place for the most part. Here, she could just gather her herbs, do her work, and go about her day. Humming softly to herself, Syanna followed the edge of the water to a patch of horsetails growing on the damp bank, instantly setting to harvesting the stems and stowing them carefully in her satchel. She would need to collect as much as possible for Gwynevere.

"Syanna Alluráin"

As her mate, Ezra may enter her threads not marked as Private.
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As soon as he was cleared to resume all his normal activities he had hit the ground running, exploring and patrolling and even venturing up into Boreas for a couple of days. Something about being cooped up in an infirmary bed for so long and then still restricted on how much he could do for a while after that had gotten him stir crazy so once he was allowed to do everything again he wanted to be everywhere and doing everything. He had kind of hoped that Syanna might want to join him on his adventures occasionally since she was an explorer herself, but every time he wanted to go somewhere he could never find her. The first few days he just thought it was coincidence, their paths missing each other or just being on different sleep schedules, something of that sort. As more days passed he started to wonder if there was something else going on, wondering to himself if she was actually avoiding him.

The pang in his chest at the thought surprised him and he tried to remind himself that there was no reason for her to hang out with him and that it was silly for him to be so caught up on her when they really hadn't spent that much time together, but he couldn't stop thinking about her and trying to figure out what he had done wrong. Sure, she had been mad at him for getting hurt while saving her from that saber cat, but that couldn't be it, right? While he was confined to the infirmary she had visited pretty often and had been right by him through that first day after he got hurt, but once he was able to go out and do things again... she was suddenly gone. It kept gnawing at him and worrying him, making him pick apart everything he had said and done to find anything that could have driven her away.

Finally he just gathered up his determination and set out to find her so he could find out what was going on once and for all. He had already been out in the gardens outside of The Hallows' borders contemplating all of this when he decided so when he started going back toward the castle to see if he could track her down he caught a hint of her scent leading away from the castle toward the falls. His ears perked and he immediately turned toward that direction, following her trail. He noticed as he walked and as he got closer to her that her scent seemed even stronger than normal and... different. He couldn't really place why, but it wasn't different in a bad way. It was weirdly intoxicating in its own way and he gave his head a shake to try and clear it as the sound of the falls reached his ears and he could tell he was getting close.

When he neared the pool at the bottom of the falls, he easily spotted Syanna's vibrant form where she stood near the opposite side, picking some of the plants that grew there. His steps slowed as he watched her for a moment, looking at how the sun lit up her fox-like pelt and how the mist coming off of the falls drifted across his line of sight and made her look even more captivating somehow. His ears flicked uncertainly at the thought, butterflies dancing in his stomach. He walked closer to her, giving her a bashful smile. "Hey, Syanna... um... I hope I'm not bothering you, I just haven't seen you around much so I just wanted to make sure everything was okay." His pale blue gaze found hers curiously while he waited on her answer, trying desperately to focus only on her words and not on how pretty her eyes were.

Ezra Adravendi

The roaring of the falls had drowned out all traces of sound as she followed the bank of the stream up to the pool where the water collected, leaving her isolated in her own little world while she gathered the supplies for the castle pharmacy. Syanna glanced over the water, briefly wondering if the cool liquid would held ease the ache she felt, and was seriously considering taking a little dip when her eyes caught sight of movement in her peripheral. Green eyes snapped up to find Ezra's large form lumbering up to the opposite side of the pool, their gazes meeting. Her heart stopped beating, a momentary thrill of panic making her body tense while he approached the water's edge with a smile—a smile that tweaked something inside her, hard.

She swallowed hard while he greeted her, keeping her gaze cautious and guarded on him while he spoke. In all honesty, she had no reason to be reacting this way. Ezra had done nothing to make her suspect him of any ill motives nor believe he would intend any harm to her. But this time felt different. She saw him differently. He was a massive, muscular male who had followed her, a vulnerable fae in heat in all regards, out to an isolated place. Why? What on earth was he doing following her out here?! He had no reason to be here! That prickly defensiveness started to rear its ugly head while she tried to resist looking over his tremendous body and not think about all the things he could do to her simply by wanting it. Her tail jerked in anxious swishes, the only indication of her nerves while she held his gaze, a mouthful of valerian root still clutched in her jaws.

After he had spoken, Syanna casually slipped the herbs into her satchel and fixed Ezra with a trepidatious glance, silently grateful for the body of water between them—though she knew it was a meager barrier at best. "Hi, Ezra. You're looking much better. I'm sorry, I've just been... busy with things." It wasn't exactly a lie, but it wasn't the entire truth either. While she'd thrown herself into her duties to distract herself from her unabating urges, it had also been to keep her away from any brutes that might want to get their noses—and other parts of their anatomy—beneath her tail. "What are you doing out here?" She wasn't trying to be unfriendly or cold, which was why she was still holding conversation with him, but she wasn't letting her guard down either. Males his size couldn't be trusted.

"Syanna Alluráin"

As her mate, Ezra may enter her threads not marked as Private.
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He could tell that he had caught her off guard with his sudden appearance, which was understandable, but what he hadn't really been expecting was the strange look in her eyes when she saw him. It made his smile falter and made his thoughts spin faster as he tried to figure out what he had done wrong. It was such a stark difference from how she had been with him before in the infirmary that it felt like a slap in the face. He waited as she put away the herbs she had been collecting before she gave him the same apprehensive look, telling him that she had been busy with "things," whatever that meant. "Oh... okay," he replied simply, giving her another small smile. He wouldn't press her on it if she really didn't want to talk about it - or maybe better yet, not talk to him. He couldn't fathom what had caused this sudden change. She hadn't even been this stand offish with him when they first met and yet...

She asked him why he was here and he gave a shrug, replying, "I was just worried about you. I... I didn't know if I had done something to bother you or something and I wanted to make sure you were settling in okay, but I haven't seen you around so..." He shrugged again, feeling guilty and out of place even though he didn't really know why. Clearly he was making her uncomfortable even if he didn't really know why and he certainly didn't want to do that. "I'll um... I'll go. Sorry for disrupting your herb gathering."

Ezra turned to leave, his slight smile falling away and making room for a small frown and a look of confusion once he was facing away from her. Until that moment he had kind of been under the impression that they were at the very least friends, but he didn't really feel like that was even true right now. Her being in heat never even crossed his mind even though his father had just mentioned all these things to him not that long ago. All he could think about how different she seemed now compared to how he remembered her being when he first woke up in the infirmary.

Ezra Adravendi

The disappointment on his face was palpable. The way his eyes seemed to darken and his smile drooped from his lips as his mood deflated made her feel like the bad guy somehow in this scenario. But that was ridiculous! He was the one that had stalked her down to the falls alone, no doubt tracking her by her intensified fragrance, the perfume of pheromones surely drugging him and making him unstable. But he didn't seem unstable... Ezra must have been a tremendous actor. No, no that was even sillier. Ezra was a dopey buffoon, not some sort of wicked mastermind. So what the fuck was he doing here?! The panic and paranoia didn't help her rationality any, and Syanna was only barely paying attention to Ezra while he explained that he had followed her to make sure things between them were okay and see how she was liking pack life. That was why he had tailed her like this? Gods, he really was a simpleton, wasn't he?

He turned to leave, and Syanna found herself feeling even worse knowing she'd hurt his feelings. Part of her wanted him to leave—that traumatized, paranoid part of her that wanted nothing more than to wait out this season in isolation—but a greater portion felt terrible for treating him like a criminal and assuming the worst of him. Ezra had done nothing to provoke that fear, and yet she couldn't control herself. She was just too scarred to let anyone in close, least of all now that she was in heat. Fuck you for doing this to your only friend, Syanna. Fuck you for being so weak and stupid. Syanna gave a frustrated shake of her head and growled at herself.

"Ezra, wait!" she shouted after the dire brute so he could hear her over the falls, taking a couple steps closer until her toes touched the edge of the water. She still hadn't convinced herself to go back around to be closer to him yet, but she would be damned if she let her fear drive away the only wolf that had ever given a damn about her. "Ezra, I... I'm sorry. I don't mean to be standoffish. Yes, we're good, and no you didn't do anything. It's me. I..." I'm afraid you'll try to rape me too. "...Never mind. I'm really, really happy that you're better and moving around again."

She managed a more genuine smile up at him; that part was at least wholly truthful. She'd been worried sick over him all through the weeks of his recovery after the saber cat attack, praying nightly that he would survive. She'd run herself ragged making sure he was tended to and that any medicines he needed were procured. "I really have been keeping myself busy getting medicines for Gwyn, trying to be helpful. I didn't mean to be avoiding you." She knew she had to make this right, but the only thing she could think of was exactly what that primal fear in the back of her mind was screaming at her not to do. Taking a shallow breath to try and steel her nerves, she looked back up at Ezra and asked, "Would you like to stay and help me? Maybe make sure no more big cats try to make a meal out of me?"

"Syanna Alluráin"

As her mate, Ezra may enter her threads not marked as Private.
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He stopped in his tracks when Syanna called out to him, his ears perking with surprise. He looked back toward her, genuinely shocked that she was stopping him. She still stayed with the pool of water situated between them, but she still stopped him. He slowly turned back around to face her, his gaze uncertain as he watched her and listened to her apologize for being stand offish with him and emphasize that it wasn't him that was the cause, it was her. He didn't really understand how it could be her fault and refused to believe that was the case. There had to be something that happened to cause her to act this way, but if it wasn't his fault then... what was it? He had automatically assumed that he must be the cause since he had been the cause for her coming to The Hallows and he had asked her to stay, but he was willing to accept that it wasn't his fault if she insisted that it wasn't. "I'm only better thanks to you," he replied truthfully, returning her smile. If she hadn't been there and if she hadn't had such quick thinking when he got injured he may not have made it back to The Hallows. When he first got hurt he didn't really understand how badly hurt he had been, but as the recovered stretched on for weeks he finally started to understand.

He wasn't entirely sure he believed that she hadn't been trying to avoid him while she was gathering supplies for Gwynevere, but he nodded in response anyway. The way she acted to him when he showed up wasn't just surprise or even confusion about why he had been trying to find her, it had felt more like she didn't want him to be here or that she didn't trust him. Either way, she seemed to have calmed down at least slightly so he'd stay as long as she wanted him to. She asked if he'd stay and help her and keep away any saber cats that might try to eat her and he gave her a grin. "Sure, I'd like that." He took a step to go around the pool toward her, but stopped, hesitating. She still didn't seem like her usual relaxed, confident self and even if she had invited him to stick around he still didn't want to push her or make her even more uncomfortable. He stood there indecisively for a moment longer before taking a few steps closer and then settling on his haunches. There was still some space between them - if the pool was a clock he was sitting at the twelve o'clock while she was sitting at maybe three or four - but at least he was a little closer so they wouldn't have to yell over the waterfall quite as much.

He gave her another bashful grin before letting his gaze shift away to look around at the trees that surrounded this piece of Auster, settling in to act as her guard while she collected her herbs. He was pretty hopeless when it came to identifying herbs so he left all that to her while he focused on just making sure they didn't have a repeat of the last time they were out of the pack lands together. He kept thinking about the fact that there had to have been something to suddenly change her attitude toward him even if it wasn't something he had done, but he didn't like the speculation and guessing he was doing. It was like grasping at air even trying to guess. While he was sitting here he'd glance at her occasionally, watching her as she continued her work, but he didn't let his eyes linger too much - even though he wanted to. Occasionally her scent would drift to him on the breeze and it'd distract his thoughts, making him want to shift his gaze toward her again. He had gotten familiar with her spicy, sweet scent, but there was something else now that he couldn't readily identify, but whatever it was it made it more difficult to just sit here and not go over to join her.

In an effort to keep his thoughts contained he started thinking about things he needed to do when he got back to the castle, about patrols, about checking in with his father and somehow that train of thought brought his thoughts to the conversation he and his father had just a couple days ago. He wasn't sure what had prompted it - whether it was Syanna joining them or something else - but his father had brought up a bunch of stuff about sex and women. All in all it had been a kind of awkward conversation for them both, but he'd sat through it dutifully anyway. Thinking of that conversation and catching another wave of Syanna's scent finally put the pieces together in his oblivious brain. His eyes widened as it dawned on him. She was in heat. That's why her scent was different! He felt like an absolute idiot once he made that connection, but then that sent him back into the spiral of trying to figure out what had happened to make her so untrusting of him.

"Um... Syanna?" he asked after several long minutes of silence while all of this was working through his mind, turning his gaze toward her with a more understanding, but concerned look. "Did, um... Has someone bothered you since..." Gods, what was he even trying to say?! He cleared his throat, shifting uncomfortably. "Did someone in the pack bother you or hurt you or anything? Cause if they did you can tell me! Whoever it is I'll take care of it!" A frown pulled at his lips, painting a whole scenario in his mind of one of the males around the pack harassing her while he was laid up in the infirmary, making himself believe that's why she was spending time away from the castle and why she didn't want him around.

Ezra Adravendi

Ezra didn't look like he fully believed her words, and she couldn't blame him—even she didn't feel fully convinced by her statements. But at least it was enough to get him to turn back around and come back to her. Syanna gave him an apologetic smile and risked a few steps closer as they both closed the distance around the pool of water, still a few yards between them while she resumed her herb gathering. She saw how careful he was with her, considering every move he made and how close he got to her. Her ears flicked back, feeling a guilt twisting her heart to know that he was tiptoeing around her because of her. She didn't want him to feel like he had to walk on eggshells with her. Frowning as she stowed another piece of valerian, Syanna took a deep breath to steady her jittery nerves, then made her way around the pool of water until she was on the same side as him, still a few feet away, but no longer keeping him at bay. This was Ezra; he was her friend. If she couldn't trust him, who could she trust?

All the while she was gathering herbs she kept trying to ignore that nagging alarm warning her to keep an eye on Ezra. She had her back to him and her guard was down; it would be so easy for the massive, muscular dire brute to just come up and grab her and have his way with her and there'd be nothing she could do to stop him. A tremor ran through her, but she shook her head to snap herself out of it. Ezra wouldn't do something like that to her... would he? She tried to distract herself by focusing on the herbs she was looking for and the soothing white noise of the falls. It helped, and she'd even managed to snag some rare ginseng growing at the edge of the moist soil! Just as she was celebrating her small triumph and stowing the herb safely away, Ezra spoke again, his words broken by embarrassment. Her ears perked and swiveled to catch his words. Had someone been bothering her since...? Oh. OH! Oh yeah, he'd noticed for sure.

Cringing inwardly, Syanna let out a heavy sigh of defeat and turned back to face Ezra. The gentle dopey boy was such a sweetheart, threatening to beat up anyone who had bothered or harassed her. It did make her smile a little, but her flattened ears and tense posture betrayed her nerves. "You're very sweet, Ez, but no, it's nothing like that," she tried to reassure him while she sat, her bushy tail curling around her hip to cover her paws, looking like she wanted to shrink into herself. "I'm just... I'm sorry..." She turned her head away while she tried to gather the words to explain her emotions and anxiety in a way that wouldn't make him paint himself as the bad guy. "This is my first heat... I'd known it was coming, but I was still so nervous, because... Well, I..." A hard swallow to keep the nerves at bay and a slow exhale while she did her best to keep looking at him and hide the shame and embarrassment on her face. "I was raped, Ezra. There's a lot you don't know about me, about my life before I was alone... I didn't tell you any of it, because... because I didn't want you to think I was weak or not want me around anymore."

There. She had said it out loud for the first time in her life. She exposed the cracks in her that the bravado covered up, the trauma that had ruined her life and set her on this path she had never chosen. She looked away from Ezra, not confident enough to be able to look in his eyes when the words finally sank in. She didn't want to see what his expression would look like when he realized she wasn't this indomitable force of a wolf and was just a broken little girl who had been abandoned by all those she thought cared for her. She knew how this conversation would go. He'd ask for the grim details, silently judge her, tell her she was no longer welcome in the pack, then leave. She was too weak to carry around like an invalid. Maybe she could at least give him her satchel to take the herbs back to Gwynevere before he cast her out, one last act of good before she had to start all over again.

"Syanna Alluráin"

As her mate, Ezra may enter her threads not marked as Private.
____________________

Ezra watched her with concern as she turned toward him with a sigh, the tension and nerves so clear on her face and in her posture. It was at least a small relief to hear that the scenario his mind had come up with in his mind wasn't the truth, but then that just let the mystery wide open again so there was no real relief for his concerns. He waited quietly while she settled with her tail curled around her, fighting back the urge to go sit beside her and hug her in some attempt to make her feel better about whatever it was that was bothering him. That felt like he'd just make things worse though so he forced himself to keep sitting still while she tried to find the words, talking about her first heat and being nervous about it, giving him this look he didn't really understand. She looked so ashamed, but why?

Then she dropped the truth on him. She had been raped. The slight, encouraging smile he had been wearing as she tried to tell him what was wrong fell away and shock took its place. He didn't respond right away, listening as she went on and spoke about her life before she became a loner and how she thought he would think of her as weak and that he wouldn't want to be around her any more. Confusion pulled at his expression, his brow creasing as she looked away from him. He was stunned into silence for a moment, guilt and sympathy filling him and overwhelming him in a way he wasn't used to feeling. His ears flicked back while he struggled to think of anything to say. Nothing felt right, nothing felt adequate. What could he say? That he was sorry that she got raped? That he'd kill whoever did that to her? Saying he was sorry felt shallow and he didn't even know if the perpetrator was even on this continent so he couldn't make that promise without possibly making himself a lier.

But maybe what hit him hardest was the fact that she thought he would think less of her because of it. That he wouldn't want to be around her or that he would think she was weak. His heart broke and shattered as he watched her and immediately all he wanted to do was fix this. Whatever he had to do to help her feel better, he wanted to do it. Without a word, he got to his paws and carefully moved toward her, making sure that she noticed him approaching her so hopefully he wouldn't startle her too much. He stopped in front of her and leaned his head down, ever so gently resting his forehead on hers. He didn't want to try to hold her or hug her or kiss her. All of that felt too much like what she might have experienced before and he didn't want to hurt her more while he was trying to comfort her. It was a fine line and he had no idea of knowing if he was going too far until he tried.

"Why do you think I would ever think you were weak?" he questioned softly, no longer having to speak over the sound of the waterfall with them being so close. "I'd never think that about you, especially not for... Not for something that isn't your fault. What that other wolf did doesn't change how I feel about you... If anything it just makes you stronger. You endured that and now here you are... I think that's pretty strong." He leaned back then, looking for her gaze and hoping that he might have managed to ease her worries even a little bit.

Ezra Adravendi

Syanna had expected the silence. The stunned, shocked quiet while he comprehended what she was telling him. What she hadn't expected was how long it would last. The seconds seemed to drag on like hours, agonizing and painful, with only the sound of the falls to keep things from being totally silent. Then Ezra stood up and her eyes immediately lifted to him while he came closer to her. Her body tensed, ready to flee or to fling herself into the water and drown if she needed to. Her heart raced while Ezra came closer, his size dwarfing her in comparison. But then he leaned his head down and gently rested it over hers. Her brow furrowed and she blinked her eyes. He was... trying to comfort her? That was not something she had expected. Syanna's eyes darted back and forth, staring into space while she tried to make sense of what was going on, but ultimately failing.

Ezra asked why she thought he'd believe she was weak for the assault she endured when he actually thought she was stronger for it. "Because..." Syanna's shoulders slumped and the life seemed to physically drain from her body when he asked that question. Misty tears filled the corners of her eyes while memories flashed back through her mind in an awful whirlwind. At least he wouldn't be able to see them with his head over hers. When he leaned back, she turned her muzzle down; she didn't want him to see her crying. He didn't understand the extent of what had happened to her. "Because... that's what everyone else did..." Gods, why did this have to be happening to her?! Couldn't she just be struck down by lightning instead of having to endure this torture? Let the earth swallow her whole, let her heart stop beating, anything but having to relive everything with him!

"That's what my..." She swallowed hard, finally willing herself to say the words she'd never spoked out loud. "...what my family said..."

"Syanna Alluráin"

As her mate, Ezra may enter her threads not marked as Private.
____________________

Ezra tried to meet her gaze, but she kept her face turned down away from his. That didn't stop him from seeing the tears that had begun to fill those emerald eyes that captivated him so much. He let her try to speak, listening to her broken words as she admitted that everyone had made her feel like that, that her family had told her that she had been weak. That broke him more than anything else. He might not have always gotten along with his family and there was still plenty flaws among them that he didn't necessarily like or agree with, but... He knew without a doubt that none of them would have ever treated one of their family that way. If one of his sisters had ever been raped he knew that he and his father would burn the world down to make them pay. That very clearly wasn't the experience that Syanna had from her family and deep anger filled his gut toward these wolves that he hoped he would never meet.

He lifted an oversized paw to her cheek, brushing away her tears as gently as his not so graceful movements would allow. "Those wolves weren't your family," he told her after a moment of thought, his voice harder with the protective anger that she pulled to the surface in him. "They might be related to you, but... They weren't your family. Family doesn't treat one of their own that way and... and I'm sorry you experienced that." He dipped his head down again, lowering his head till he was able to be eye level with her, his sympathetic gaze forcing her to look at him. "You're not weak. This isn't your fault. And I could never not want to be around you."

Ezra Adravendi

It took all of her control to keep from reflexively flinching away from Ezra's paw when it came up to clean her cheek of the stray traitorous tears that had managed to escape her eyes. Ezra—this is Ezra. She hated that she had to keep reminding herself that he wasn't a threat to her, but she'd also never felt more vulnerable than she did now. She hated it, loathed the feeling of being unable to protect herself and being afraid of everything right now. She felt like a beacon to every brute, and every brute terrified her, made her fear that the past was doomed to repeat itself. He spoke with a harshness directed at the wolves that had once been her family, condemning them with blame. Emerald eyes had darkened with doubt at his words that this wasn't her fault, that she wasn't weaker for what she had endured. But she appreciated that he said he would always want to be around her. It made her feel less like damaged goods—even if only a little bit.

Without a word, Syanna leaned her head forward and rested her forehead against Ezra's while she tried to keep herself held together. Gods, she was such an idiot for thinking that Ezra could ever be a threat to her. "It's easy for you to day that. You don't even know what you're talking about, Ezra," she muttered under her breath. "What if it was my fault? What if it happened because of me? What if you're barking up the wrong tree with me?" He was sweet—too much so. He would defend her at all costs; she had seen it so when he nearly died fighting that saber cat for her. But what if Ezra was fighting the wrong battle? The giant boy was such a sap for her and all he knew was her name. Poor, deluded fool...

"Syanna Alluráin"

As her mate, Ezra may enter her threads not marked as Private.
____________________

He let her rest her forehead against his happily, still struggling to figure out what he could do or say to help her. He knew that something like that couldn't just be fixed or healed in a day, but he wished that was the case. He wanted to tear apart whoever had hurt her, he wanted to fight her family for how they had treated her, but he couldn't do either of those things. Now he was just left with the broken pieces they left behind and he tried so hard to help Syanna glue them back together even though he felt entirely out of his element doing so.

He listened to her words that seemed to be determined to make him see how she was to blame, but he refused to do it. There was sure to be some kind of context that he didn't know, but something like rape was never excusable in his eyes or ever the victim's fault. With his forehead still leaned into hers he replied, "It doesn't matter how it happened. The second you didn't want it they should have stopped. That's it." He didn't know what could have possibly happened to make that not the case in her mind, but that was a stance he was unwilling to budge on. But, even still, he knew he should probably at least hear her side of things so maybe he could understand what happened and help her unravel it. "You don't need to tell me what happened if you don't want to," he said first, giving her the out if she wanted it. "But... If you want to get it out just to try and prove your point you can. I'm not leaving you either way."

Ezra Adravendi

It seemed like no matter what she ever said to him, whether it was the day they met when she'd tried to get him to leave her alone or now when she was trying to show him how she could at least be partly to blame for her life's circumstances, Ezra just outright refused to listen to her. Gods be damned, why did he have to be so fucking stubborn?! Syanna didn't pull away from him, instead leaning gratefully into his bigger forehead with her own while she used him to keep her upright. She felt so tired—tired of being defensive, tired of wearing a facade to protect herself, tired of feeling the shame weighing her down. Ezra delicately danced around the question he didn't want to ask, and while she appreciated his concern for her, Syanna knew sooner or later she would have to share her story with him if they were going to continue being near one another. If she didn't, it would eat her alive, constantly keeping her on edge and destroying her from the inside. If not now, then when would she...?

With a deep, shaky sigh, Syanna closed her eyes and began.

"The pack I came from was very misogynistic in its beliefs. The brutes held all the power, ran every part of the pack, dictated and enforced the rules, provided for everyone. The faes, we were expected to be obedient, nurturing housekeepers for our men. We would be expected to keep them satisfied, fulfill their every desire, raise their children and grow families, everything they were too important to do. The only value a fae held was in her appearance. The more beautiful the girl, the more highly envied she was by other families' young men. Yearling faes were treated like commodities, traded off for goods, ranks, social status, you name it... That's all we were good for. My father bought very heavily into this system, which is why he was ecstatic when I was born. Can you imagine having a daughter who looked like me? I was the only wolf in the pack with this orange fur, so he treated me like an ace up his sleeve. He and my mother tried to force their lessons onto me, about being a good little wife to my future husband, to behave and do as I was told. My sister ate it up, and my brother lavished in his freedom as a male. But me... I rebelled. I didn't want that life. I wanted to explore and practice medicine and do my own thing. I didn't want to be someone's trophy just to get pregnant and ignore until he wanted more kids. I wanted a real life."

Syanna sighed and shook her head, slowly opening saddened emerald eyes while she hung her head and peered down at the grass around her feet. "My father was a guard in the pack—what you all call Knights. But he wanted more. He wanted to be the alpha's personal guard. So he offered me to the alpha's son, a boy the same age I was, but so much bigger than me. Of course, he accepted, and I was forced into a betrothal for an arranged marriage when I hit my first season. But that wasn't soon enough for that entitled little shit. He began spending all his time around me, hounding me, smothering me and trying to control me. Telling me where I could go, who I could talk to, what I could and couldn't do. I saw glimpses of what life with him would be like in those times, and I hated it!" Syanna's eyes narrowed, a flash of pain flickering through her gaze while she turned away from Ezra, facing the pool of water and doing her best not to stare at her own reflection in the process.

"Just shortly after our first birthdays, he cornered me alone in his den and demanded I show him 'what he was going to enjoy for the rest of his life'. He tried to force himself on me, but I resisted. I told him exactly what I thought of him, what a little fucking asshole he was, how I'd never submit to him and I'd be the worst mistake he ever made. Do you know what he did? He laughed. He fucking laughed right in my face, said I had quite a mouth on me, and he knew what to do about that." Syanna paused, the memories replaying in her head as vividly as if the incident had happened just the day before. Her body tensed when she remembered the sound of his laughter, the feeling of his paws and body on hers, his smell in her nose. It still made her feel sick.

"He forced himself into my mouth first. Kept me from biting down on him with a paw on my jaw while he..." She cringed and couldn't finish her thought. Ezra would get the idea, no doubt. "But that wasn't enough for him. He tried to hold me down next, tried to violate me further. So I fought him, screaming for help. He just laughed more and told me nobody gave a fuck about me, that I was just some fae meant to be used. I got so fucking pissed, I... I managed to bite his shoulder hard enough to get him off me. Then I... I bit his balls until I felt them tear off. He screamed the entire time, and it felt so fucking good. It felt like I was in control of my own life for the first time."

A dark smile crossed Syanna's lips while she thought of how he'd screamed and bled when she's permanently maimed her rapist. At least he'd never hurt another fae like that again. "He fainted from the pain and I ran for my life. He was the alpha's son. I knew that if anyone found out what I'd done, they'd kill me. So I ran home in tears, looking for my father to help protect me and make things right. But when I told him what had happened, he... he snapped... Called me an ungrateful whore. Told me it was my fault I was raped for not just obeying my man, that I'd ruined his chances at a better life, that I deserved the punishment I'd get. That was when he... started hitting and biting me..." Syanna's words drifted off as her voice died in her throat. She reached a paw up to her neck, as if she could still feel her father's teeth searching for the veins that would end her life. "He tried to kill me for shaming and dishonoring him, for ruining my family's name... I managed to escape and I just... I ran, and I ran, and I didn't stop until my legs gave out. I blacked out, and when I came to it was morning and I was all alone in some forest I'd never been before."

Syanna's paw drooped down her chest until it met the ground again. She was quiet for a few moments, just listening to the sounds of the falls and the songbirds in nearby trees. Tears had begun to run down her face again as the emotional catharsis proved to be too much for her. She couldn't turn to face Ezra again, still far too afraid of his reactions. "That's why I've been avoiding you, and any man, really. I've always been afraid of bigger brutes, and of my first heat, afraid that it'll provoke males to act the way he did and there'd be nothing I could do to stop it. That maybe I'd be bringing on another attack if I was near anyone like this, and that maybe... maybe that boy was right... That all I'm good for is being used." Syanna's ears folded to her skull and her tail drooped, shoulders slumped while she gave a weak laugh and finally turned back to Ezra with a forced smile on her face despite the tear stains on her cheeks. "Pretty dumb, right?"

"Syanna Alluráin"

As her mate, Ezra may enter her threads not marked as Private.
____________________

Ezra hadn't been sure if Syanna would open up about what had happened or not and either way he would have been fine with her decision, but once she started speaking he settled back to listen, taking in every word. She painted an ugly picture for him of the life she had before with a pack that mistreated and used their females, reducing them down to nothing more than a thing to be owned and even that concept alone was disgusting. He couldn't imagine ever treating a living thing like that, much less another wolf and a woman at that. If there was one thing his father had always drilled into his mind it was to protect and respect faes - not abuse and mistreat them. He appreciated her ambition and her desire to be her own wolf and pursue her own dreams, especially since it was a concept he had taken to heart when he was very young as well, but even before she moved on to the rest of her story he already had a sinking feeling that it would be her downfall in a place like that.

He listened as she described her terrible father's hunger for power and his intentions to use her to get what he wanted, promising her off to some entitled prince. Dread filled settled in his gut as soon as she mentioned how this alpha's son had cornered her in his den, already beginning to put the pieces of this sick puzzle together in his mind. Her description was even more horrible than he could have imagined and rage creeped up on him for this awful brute, desperately wishing that he could have the chance to tear into him for what he did, but soon Syanna revealed how she had taken revenge into her own paws to protect herself and get away from this bastard and he couldn't help the pride he felt for her standing up for herself. It was horrific and traumatizing, but he was so glad that she had been able to get away and to permanently maim that boy in the only way that really felt fitting for what he did.

He had hoped that perhaps that would be the last of the trauma she experienced, but no, she went on to describe her father's reaction and what he had done in response and he slowly began to understand where her belief that it had been her fault had come from. She grow up in this pack that told her from the day she was born that she was nothing more than something to be used by men and the moment she stood up for herself she was kicked while she was down and condemned for not letting the man she was promised to continue to rape her. It was deeply flawed logic on every level, but he could understand what had put those thoughts in her head and he loathed these wolves she grew up around, silently hoping that they eventually met painful, terrible ends.

With her story done she explained that had all been the reason behind her avoiding him and any other men, how that had created her fear of larger males, and why she had been so afraid of her first heat. His own ears fell back as she slumped in on herself, shrinking down even smaller than she already was, giving the weakest laugh when her brilliant emerald eyes finally turned back toward him, looking up at him with tears staining her cheeks. He couldn't return her smile, too overwhelmed with concern and sympathy and anger, his heart too broken for her to even try to play this off like she was. He wanted to fix this so badly for her. He wanted to turn back time and be the one wolf that stood up for her when no one else would, but he couldn't. All he could do now was try to help her heal no matter how impossible that felt.

He had been trying to give her distance, trying not to push her, but seeing her like this made it impossible to not reach out to her. He quietly wrapped his forelegs around her shoulders, pulling her up into his chest as he tucked her head down over hers and held her tight, finally giving into his urges to hug and comfort her. He felt like he was giving her the protective attention she had deserved after she was attacked that no one had ever given her. He didn't say anything right away, simply just holding her. When he did speak his voice was soft, speaking gently against her ear. "You're worth so much more than anything they ever told you. None of it is your fault. They were cruel and disgusting to you and no one deserves to live a life like that - especially not you. Knowing what you've gone through and seeing you now, taking care of yourself, so incredibly knowledgeable and skilled... You blow me away. You're amazing and it's not fair how you're punishing yourself for something you never asked for."

He gently nuzzled the top of her head before lifting his head from over her's, leaning back just enough to be able to see her face, bringing a paw up to her cheeks to wipe away tears, feeling his heart skip as their eyes met again. He had felt drawn to her like a magnet from the very first day they met and maybe she had thought that her telling him her past would deter him from wanting to be close to her, but it pretty much did the opposite. Now he only wanted to be closer to her and to do anything that might bring a smile to her face again.

Ezra Adravendi

Syanna had expected some sort of extreme reaction from Ezra given the extremeness of her story—but she hadn't been expecting rage. The look in Ezra's eyes was almost homicidal were it not for empathy softening the fire somewhat, and at first she felt a real thrill of panic that maybe it was directed at her, until she reminded herself that this was Ezra and he would never hurt her. It was that reminding that kept her still while he came up to her again and wrapped her up in his arms. Syanna's heart began to race as all avenues of escape were cut off. She was completely and totally under Ezra's power now. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to focus on counting her breaths while she waited for something to happen.

And then Ezra squeezed her tighter to his chest, enveloping her in the warmth and safety of his embrace. Syanna's body had gone tense the moment he touched her, but as soon as his larger head bent down to cover her and shield her, every muscle in her body went from rock solid to mush, melting against him while she just collapsed under the mental and emotional fatigue she'd carried for half her lifetime. Hot tears cut down her cheeks against her will as he held her, giving her the love and security she had desperately sought that terrible night. His words whispered into her ear, the only sound she heard outside of her racing heartbeat in her head. She wanted to protest, to argue against his kindness, to say that she was a failure and a fraud for making him believe she was this strong wolf when it had all been a front. But the words never left her mouth. They died on her tongue while Ezra squeezed all of the pain and sorrow out of her.

She felt him nuzzle the top of her head just before he pulled back, and when their eyes met again, Syanna saw nothing but affection and caring in those sky blue jewels. Her heart leaped in her chest while she held his gaze, giving him the smallest smile while he wiped the tears from her face. She wanted to tell him he was being silly caring about her like this, that she wasn't worth all this trouble he put himself through, that he was so much better than her. But more than anything, she wanted to tell him how thankful she was to know him. Her words failed her time and time again with Ezra though, so she relied on the one language she knew he understood.

She didn't resist him when he held her, instead slipping a small paw up to beckon him to come closer. Once he did, Syanna gently caught his cheek with her paw and guided his lips to hers in a slow, gentle kiss. It wasn't much more than a lingering peck, but it said all the things she wanted to say to him that her words never could. Words like "thank you", and "you're too good for me", but most importantly "I think I'm falling for you".

"Syanna Alluráin"

As her mate, Ezra may enter her threads not marked as Private.
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Even just feeling her relax into him, feeling that tension fall away, seeing that small smile on her lips when she looked up at him... All of those things made his heart soar. It helped ease the rage that was seething in the back of his mind. He still wanted to go find these wolves that treated her so badly and tear them apart, but holding her helped remind him that if he did that then he'd have to leave her alone and he wouldn't be here to support her if he left. It made him feel like he was making a difference even if it wasn't with tooth and claw. He supported her weight and held her up as she melted into him, hoping that she felt like the weight of it all wasn't on her for even just a moment. He returned that small smile she gave him as she looked up at him and for a second he was just enchanted by her emerald eyes. He had never seen eyes like hers before and he didn't think he ever would again. They were so uniquely hers, framed by delicate markings that accented them so perfectly.

He was so caught up in her eyes that he almost missed her paw waving him closer. He blinked with surprise, but willingly complied, dipping his head down toward her until her delicate paw rested on his cheek. His mind didn't really comprehend what was happening until he felt her lips on his, making his eyes go wide and his heart feel like it was going to burst right through his chest. It was just a soft peck and wasn't quite long enough for him to get over his shock before it was over, but it wiped any conscious thought from his mind as he blinked and stared down at her with dumbfounded awe. She had kissed him. His first kiss. And it was from Syanna. Slowly a grin creeped across his muzzle as his brain steadily caught up with reality, deciding that this wasn't a dream after all. She was real, she was in his arms, and she had kissed him. His tail wagged like crazy against the ground and a little, giddy chuckle rumbled in his chest. Her silent message was received loud and clear and his icy blue gaze was filled to the brim with adoration and affection.

He held her a little tighter as he brought his muzzle to hers again, returning her kiss in earnest now that the surprise had worn off. He was still just as gentle and slow as she had been, experimenting and marveling at the feeling of her lips on his. When they first met he never would have imagined that this is how they would end up and especially now that he had heard her story and the trauma she had been through he had expected this even less. He was astounded and baffled by her trust, but so grateful for it as well. He hadn't really ever understood why his father did the things he did, but he was starting to understand. Love was a hell of a thing and just as she had silently shared her feelings in her kiss, he did the same with his. 'I think I'm falling for you too.'

Ezra Adravendi

It was impossible for Syanna to resist a soft, airy giggle when she saw the dumbfounded look struck across Ezra's face once her lips parted from his. The boy looked like someone had just dumped ice water all over him, he was so shocked! A grin gradually began to take up residence on his lips as his brain began to reboot and he realized what had happened. She had to admit, Ezra's dopey, innocent naivety was pretty endearing in its own silly way. She might have lost her innocence to the world long ago, but he was still discovering things that were brand new to him, and it was enchanting watching him learn. She heard the soft thumping of his tail against the ground and lost it, bursting out with laughter despite the tears still in her eyes. Gods, she was such a mishmash of emotions; she must have looked a right mess!

She opened her mouth to ask him the obvious question of if that was his first kiss, but was swiftly silenced when Ezra squeezed her a little tighter in his embrace and brought his lips back to hers in a follow up kiss. Syanna gave a quiet hum of surprise, but very easily relented to his advances, her eyes sliding closed and tense body relaxing until she was almost limp in his arms once more, both small paws coming up to rest on and stroke over his chest while he kissed her. A few months ago when she'd been accosted at the river by this dopey dire wolf, she never would have thought she'd end up wrapped up in his paws kissing him like this. The mere thought would have made her laugh! Yet here she was, feeling all sorts of things right now. Relief, exhaustion, happiness, amusement, empowerment, desire, hope... Syanna's head was nearly spinning with the emotional whiplash she was being thrown around in!

The meaning in Ezra's wordless actions rang clear as a bell. She felt the joy in his embrace, the affection on his lips. All of him surrounded her. His presence, his body, his touch, his scent, his warmth, everything that was Ezra enveloped her senses. Her bushy tail began to wag on reflex, dusting against the grass as she held Ezra's mouth with her own. She didn't hurry to end their kiss, letting Ezra savor this moment, a big milestone in his life. Once their lips did part, Syanna slowly flicked open her eyes to peer up into Ezra's, a little smile of appreciation painting her visage. "You're too good to me, Ezra... I don't deserve you," she whispered while her paws played with the thick fur on his chest. She hadn't even noticed it herself yet, but the nagging subconscious alarm that had kept her on edge and told her to stay away from Ezra had all but disappeared after their first kiss.

"Syanna Alluráin"

As her mate, Ezra may enter her threads not marked as Private.
____________________

When their lips parted and his eyes flickered open to find hers again he still wasn't any less dumbfounded. He knew he probably always looked like such a goof with her, which to an extent he kind of was anyway, but those emerald eyes just had a habit of wiping his mind blank and making him forget every coherent thought. He just wanted to stare into those eyes he loved so much and hold this woman that stunned him every time they were together. He was so happy that she wasn't trying to keep away from him any longer. Having her like this, holding her, letting her confide in him... It putted something out of him that he had never felt before. She made him so happy just by being here - though the kisses were a big bonus too.

Ezra gave a little shake of his head and smiled when she insisted that he was too good to her and that she didn't deserve him, even as he purred softly while her pale paws moved over his chest and played with the fur there. "I'm just giving you exactly what you deserve," he whispered back, gazing down at her affectionately. "You deserve to be heard and cared for and loved. I can't promise I'll be the best at giving you those things, but... I'd like to try. I like making you happy and comforting you. Seeing you smile makes me smile." He squeezed her gently in his arms and then started slowly rubbing her back, feeling her vibrant fur slipping between his claws and over his paw pads.

Ezra Adravendi

A hot blush came over Syanna's cheeks and she had to dip her eyes down away from Ezra's so he wouldn't see her smiling like a goofy idiot and embarrass herself. He was way too kind and sweet to her, trying to reassure her that she deserved to be loved and respected and cared for. He asked for the opportunity to make her happy and Syanna laughed softly. Stupid boy, didn't he know he already had it? She brought her eyes back up to him, deep green emeralds shining with a mirth that she hadn't felt in a long, long time. "Well, you're doing very well so far, so how could I ever say no?" she jested, tapping his chest with her paw. "Fair warning though, you know I'm a wildfire, so don't start crying if you get burned." Not that she had any doubts Ezra would do anything but everything right in his own way.

She giggled when he squeezed her in his arms, feeling just a small sampling of the strength of his well-muscled form. Her paws rubbed over his chest again, feeling the defined pectorals hidden beneath thick fur. She swallowed hard, trying not to think about how being held by him like this was stirring things inside her, tightening a spring in her belly that had never been wound like this before. Quiet murrs slipped from her when she felt his big paws rub over her back, trailing her fur between his paw pads and claws and leaving fiery tingles over her sensitive skin that made her back arch into his touch. She bit her lip, her tail swishing eagerly while she enjoyed his touch, her flaring hormones screaming for this big brute that could do so many things to her...

Syanna snapped herself out of her drifting fantasies with a quiet gasp and rapid blinks, gazing up at Ezra with an embarrassed little smile and awkward chuckle. "I, um... I'm sorry, you're probably not very comfortable being this close to me like this," she said, loosening her hold on his chest fur. Another quiet murr left her while he kept rubbing her back, her eyelids fluttering with relaxing delight. "You're gonna put me to sleep if you keep rubbing my back like that, y'know. I do still have work to do, Ez." As fun as that sounded, Syanna did have more herbs to gather for Gwyn. Plus if he kept holding her and touching her like this, Syanna didn't trust herself to not try something they both might not be ready for.

"Syanna Alluráin"

As her mate, Ezra may enter her threads not marked as Private.
____________________

Seeing the way she smiled constantly made his heart flutter and skip, the happiness in her eyes making him feel like the only boy in the whole world. He had never felt important to someone like this before and it made him feel like he was on top of the world, like nothing could possibly ruin this moment. He grinned when she said he was doing a good job so far, his tail wagging behind him. That's all he really wanted. Her warning that she was a wildfire and to not complain if he got burned made him chuckle and smirk in response. Her fire was one of the reasons why he liked her so much. Very few women in his life ever had this kind of spirit or personality and it just made her stand out all the more from everyone else around them. "That's a risk I'm willing to take," he teased back, still grinning from ear to ear.

While he held her and scratched his claws along her back, he felt her paws move over his chest again, her back arching under his paws. A little, surprised grin pulled at his lips as he watched how just holding her like this affected her, seeing her bite her lip and hearing her murr... He had never seen someone react like this before, but even that little taste made him want to hold her tighter and keep rubbing her back, the exact opposite of what she suggested when she seemed to snap out of the trance she had been in and mentioned how he must be uncomfortable being close to her like this. "I don't mind... I like holding you," he admitted with a bashful grin. He didn't really know how to describe this draw he had to her or this winding tightness in his gut the longer he held her, but whatever it was it was addictive and he just wanted more.

He chuckled softly when she mentioned how he was going to put her to sleep, pointing out that she still had work to do. Even though he knew he should let her get back to her work and that she really had come out here with a purpose beyond just keeping away from him, it was hard for him to let her go. The way her eyelids fluttered just from rubbing her back was entrancing and if it felt good for her then why would he want to stop? "Well, I don't think the plants are going anywhere," he suggested, running his large paws over her back in slow circles. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head, giving her another smile. "I'm not really in any hurry to get back... Unless you really want to go back to gathering herbs."

Ezra Adravendi