The night of the fireflies passed and when the sun broke the horizon, Fern’s eyes had opened with it. Bleary eyes had looked around and found that her companion had not left her in the night. With a huff, the gray girl had gathered her legs under her and stood. Joints cracked and popped as her body straightened out and she still felt the dregs of exhaustion. As annoyed as she tried to appear at the fact that Rudy had not left her, Fern had felt a swell of happiness that he had stayed with her. His gentle nature and kind words reminded her of the empty space in her heart that had been made when her mother died.

After a drink and some quick food, Fern had allowed Rudy to take the lead and steer her toward the Hallows. At first, she tried to keep her head down, taking a keen interest in her steps and the work of putting one paw in front of the other. However, as winter had loosened its grip and it steadily warmed as the trekked, Fern had brought her head up to take in the sights. Where there had been biting cold and stinging winds, now was replaced with sun and warmth. Fern basks in the feel of sun against her coat and a smile curls the edges of her lips up.

Casting a look at Rudy, Fern decides to break her self-imposed silence and says, “So you… live around here?” Small talk was not her forte but it does not keep the gray girl from trying to be polite to Rudy. For whatever reason, Fern feels the need to make him happy. Is his loyalty starting to chip away the icy wall she had built? Maybe, only time will tell.

Rudy was a talker but he also listened to other wolves' silence.  Fern had her own thoughts to deal with and to be honest Rudy was tired.  His body had regained its strength from resting but Rudy could be lazy at times and he had watched over her throughout the day or evening or whatever.  No ghosts, neither his mom nor anything else.  No more firefly attacks and nothing new had come up to threaten them.  

He remained quiet on the way back for the first part of the trip, holding back his questions or comments.  Looking at the sky he occasionally spotted Reddy keeping an eye on them.  His friend in the air worried about him just about as much as the rest of his family.

Sometimes silence worked well and eventually she was ready to talk.  It sure took a while but patience paid off. Rudy nodded slightly at her question and for a second that was it.  He expected she was the sort that might lessen even more keenly if he didn’t rush his words.  “Once we get through here you’ll see the open plains that are part of our home.  After the plains, we’ll arrive at where we den.” He wouldn’t bother trying to explain the castle, let her experience how it looked for herself.

“Oh, as to your question yesterday?  I do have two good reasons I know you are nice,” the motley grey wolf answered, “I have good instincts and I trust them would be the main reason I choose to have faith in you.” After another second he added, “On top of that my mom, my dead mom who never talked to me after her death sent me to find you.  How could I not acknowledge that?” At the end he glanced back at her and offered a lopsided grin, “First one would have been good enough though.”

“Any chance you could tell me what you know of Resin?” He missed her and this wolf knew her name somehow.  At a guess she was younger than him so it wasn’t like she had met Resin before Rudy was born.  If she didn’t want to answer then so be it but, why wouldn’t she after all?

Rudyard Carpathius

Fern felt gratitude for the silence Rudy had allowed her to partake in at first. When she broke the silence with her mundane question, Rudy offered her a slight nod of acknowledgement. The sound of birds chirping and small animals scurrying through the underbrush fills the space between for a moment before Rudy went on to explain they were close to where his family made their dens. The stiff smile that rests on her lips ticks up a degree and some tension melts from her body at the thought of being close to safety.

With a nod of understanding, Fern is ready to lapse back into a comfortable silence when Rudy’s voice surprises her. He lists the answers to her question from yesterday when she had brazenly accused him of not knowing what kind of wolf she is. A bubble of laughter raises in her throat and Fern clamps her jaws shut to try and hide. Instead, it decides to escape through nose as a disbelieving huff. The lopsided grin he gives her disarms Fern and her paws falter for moment before finding their normal cadence again.

He is very sure of his instincts and, for the moment, Fern will allow him this victory. With a snort of amusement, Fern says, “Fine Fly Boy. I will let you win this round. Maybe your instincts were right… this time.” Heavy emphasis is applied to the last two words. Fern worries that if he relies solely on his instincts to detect good and bad wolves he might need someone to be the voice of reasons at times. At that, the thought that she could be that wolf tries to enter mind, Fern quickly shoves it away. No. She is not getting attached to him.

Then Rudy asks the question that Fern had hoped he would forget about. How does she know of Resin? Panic swirls in her as she conjures up a million ways to avoid the question. In the end, after a couple minutes, Fern decides to be truthful. Voice soft with hidden emotions answers, “My mother was her sister.” Images flash through her mind of Meadow and her mother’s death. Before she can stop herself, Fern adds, “Her name was Meadow and she was…” anger flashes across her face before the cool mask of indifference appears, “an idiot.” The statement is flat and emotionless. No further reasoning is forth coming but a war of emotions rages behind her eyes.

Rudy kept a small secretive smile to himself as she tried to hide the laughter, he kept looking ahead as they moved so it wasn’t likely she’d catch it.  There were things he had screwed up at, plenty of them but it didn’t stop confidence in his instincts or ability to get someone to trust his logic eventually.  It may not always work but, it did often enough.  

The smile slipped at her nickname ‘fly boy.’  No, oh no.  Rudy could dump a mountain of rocks overall fireflies to get his revenge.  Admittedly he had no plans to use his teeth again but there were other ways to kill those creepy things.  She was just starting to open up again so was he going to shoot her down now?  Maybe it would just be a one-time thing.  There was no way he wanted to be known by ‘fly boy’ the rest of his life.

Rudy finally turned his head to look at her, lopsided grin in place at the ‘this time’ in regards to his being right.  “This time? Fair enough.  You haven’t known me long enough.  You’ll see a pattern soon.  I won’t say it's not sometimes a close call here and there but they work.” Technically they worked when he got clobbered by the bear but his body’s movements weren’t quick enough to do what his instincts had screamed about.  Oh well.

His eyes widened as she said the relationship to Resin.  “So, you’re related to mom,” his voice soft as he considered the implications.  Of course, he had recently learned there was also a son of Resin out there, and that beast needed to be killed.  Fern was nothing like that though, she was nice and no matter how she felt about following instincts Rudy knew it.

Then she called Meadow an idiot and Rudy stopped walking.  He remembered how his mom had died, remembered the suicidal fight she’d gotten into, and how she had found a way to end her life with pride.  The injuries she had suffered were better than the terrible damage to her soul that surely was there as she’d lost her mind.  She was gone, the empty hollow sensation he remembered was back for the moment.  “Never,” he whispered softly, eyes cast to the ground, “never,” then he met her gaze, “call your mom an idiot.” There was passion in the words.  “She’s dead, you just said that.”

Rudy felt anger burning in him as he imagined mom’s dead body lying on the ground when it was all gone.  “She was your mom.  Whether she made a mistake or not.  It clearly hurt you that she died.” She wouldn’t have been hesitant to talk about it if she hadn’t been hurt by it.  Certainly, Rudy felt the pain of his own memories coming back.  “Whatever she did, even if it was wrong.” Rudy’s eyes looked up at her with deep sadness, “If we can never see our mothers again, we can at least remember what we loved them for.” Rudy’s eyes squinted up some, “It hurts doesn’t it?  Thinking of her like that?” Rudy hurt, he hurt for himself and he hurt for the pain he imagined she was in.  Not that he could truly know what she felt but could only imagine it by how it had felt for him.  

Rudyard Carpathius

Fern’s steps feel lighter, the conversation coming easily as she jokes with Rudy. She gives an exaggerated roll her eyes at his comment about seeing a pattern soon but the smile that follows in genuine. Rudy is a nice wolf and Fern had forgotten how much of a comfort it was to not have to be so on guard all of the time. For a moment, she lets herself revel in the feeling of belonging and safety that he offers her.

However, the feelings are short lived as they start to discuss how she is related to Meadow. It is easy to slip on the mask of indifference when referring to her but Rudy’s reaction stuns her. When the kind wolf stops walking, Fern halts as well, confused eyes searching him. His whispered words say it. The walls Rudy had been carefully chipping at slam back into place as Fern emotionally recoils from him.

It had been foolish to think she could reach out so soon but now she knows better. The cold apathy she wears is no longer a mask and Fern’s eyes become distant. The rest of his words wash over her but do not take hold, all the emotional attachments Fern had been making are quickly severed in that moment. When he asks if it hurts thinking of her like that, Fern’s chilly tone grounds out, “No.”

An ocean of disparity separates them and Fern does not know if they will ever be able to cross it. Ice drips from every word as she says, “You did not know my mother, Rudyard. Resin and Meadow may have been sisters but they were vastly different. Do not compare my mother to yours. Not all mothers are perfect.” The last sentence was knife aimed at his heart but Fern didn’t care. He did not have to relive a pointless death over and over every time he slept.

Fern’s posture is stiff as she glances back the way they had come, pondering if it would be better to abandon this fools’ errand. Cold gaze finds Rudy once more and she says, “Just because someone is dead does not mean I have to respect them. At least your mother never ran away.” Emotion starts to leak into her words as she mentions running away. Head lowers to try and hide the building tears as Fern bites the inside of lip to keep from screaming.

As much as Fern tries to pretend she immune to emotions she knows this not the case. And she hates herself every minute for having them.

There was a barrier hard to see across.  Rudy was imagining how Resin had died and all she had meant to the family.  How could he not?  Hadn’t that been Reasin who had told him to come?  He knew not everyone had a perfect life.  Look at how Avantika had come to them and her past.  Look at Oxx who even as a member of the family was scum.  So what she said made sense in a way but it was a hard thing to accept.  Could his mom’s sister truly be so horrible?  

It was obvious previous work had been undone and would be all the harder to repair.  Rudy wanted to defend her dead mother with the woman not about to defend herself.  He wanted to think a sister of Resin’s would not be horrible.  That mom wouldn’t have sent him after a daughter from a version so opposite her.  Well, one thing for sure was he’d attempted to much and hoped to touch something that he wasn’t going to get.

She scored at the notion of her mom had run away.  She fully had Rudyard’s attention that was certain.  “Alright,” Rudy whispered humbly, “you’re right.  I don’t know.”  The word sorry would likely not mean much but it was added, “sorry.” It didn’t sit right with him and Rudy wanted to know the story more.  Rudy let out a slow exhale.  “That was stupid.”  The game of levity and smiles was gone.

“I just, it touched something that I guess, well.  I was wrong.” Rudy shrugged. “If you don’t want to talk the rest of the way, its fine.  If you do want to ask anything, I’ll quit questioning you.”

Rudyard Carpathius

Fern’s body shakes with the pent-up emotions and unshed tears. The anger is met with calm words and soothing tones as Rudy speaks to her. His apology reaches an olive branch out to the broken girl and she stares dumbly at it. No one had cared so much about her before. No one had stayed with her long enough to try and find out about her story. Since the day Meadow died, Fern’s life had become transient and nothing lasted for long.

Guilt built in her chest as Rudy continued to talk and she could not meet his eyes. For now, she kept her head lowered and tried to ride out the waves of emotions that crashed into her. Fern stood at a precipice between her old life and a new one. If she retreated, everything would remain the same but at least it would be familiar. Before her a yawning expanse of unknown beckoned her with promises of uncertainty. She was scared to jump, scared that she might fall and die. But maybe… just maybe… she could fly.

Raising her head, Fern’s hurt filled aqua gaze meets soft golden yellow kindness. Every brick and stone she had built between her and the world cracks and falls as she allows the tears to finally fall. Her shaky voice says, “I am sorry Rudy. I don’t mean to be so...” she gestures at herself, “me. I am hurting and I do miss her. Mom use to tell me stories of her and Resin’s adventures to put me sleep.”

A watery smile appears as she sniffs and lets a choked laugh escape before continuing, “As I grew, I wished, time and time again, that Resin had been my mother. Meadow loved her herbs and helping others. But me? I had no talent or wish to learn her trade. I wanted to go out on adventures like Resin! Be brave, like Resin!” Another emotion filled laugh escapes as she shakes her head. Her chest shutters, trying to keep the sobs inside so she does not appear so weak.

Her back legs fold and Fern sits heavily on the ground. Shoulders slump as she whispers, “I watched her die you know. I watched as she was ripped apart in front of me. All I could think was, ‘she isn’t brave’.” She allows a sob to escape and tries to turn away from Rudy. All she wants to do is hide. Hide her shame and anger. Hide her weakness and stupidity. Fern tries to hide her true self from Rudy… and fails.

Rudy’s had hoped humbling himself would work and it had.  That wasn’t to say he didn’t feel sorry for having upset her so much, it hadn’t just been some game.  Rudy had found that bottling up emotions just made the pain worse and he should know, he did it all the time.  Opening himself up to her, showing his own emotions, not holding back he had hoped to get her to open up but instead it had shut her down.

Rudy hadn’t expected to get her to forgive so quickly but it was a relief.  It wouldn’t make for a good beginning if they came back with her not wanting to talk to him.  He shrugged, “I don’t remember a reason for you to apologize.” Trying to make someone open up meant he had kind of asked for it.  “Yah, Resin was pretty amazing.” He chose to use mom’s name for Fern’s, it seemed a name she was holding onto for some form of hope.

“I don’t know much about healing, it's kind of boring so I get wanting adventure.” Rudy offered a wisp of a smile, “I’m a hunter and obviously a fighter.  I’ve roamed from here to partway through Boreas on my own at one point.” He wasn’t trying to brag, not that he couldn’t do that but, this was about trying to explain his own interest potentially matching hers. “Enjoy a bit of time resting and get to know people at the hallows, I’ll show you about.  Once you're settled in if you want adventures I bet we can find you some.  Do you like hunting? I love it.”

Rudy took in the comment of watching her mom die somberly, “me too.  I watched mom die also to monsters.” There were more words he could add to that but instead, he shrugged, “Anyway,” Rudy inhaled deeply, “It’s not far now.  I guess we don’t need to arrive all gloom.  The past was bad but the hallows is a place for new beginnings and healing.”

Rudyard Carpathius

Fern feels so vulnerable. The dredging up of old, unprocessed feelings with Rudy has stripped her of the façade she had carefully made. It has exposed the small, wounded pup beneath. All the harsh edges and indifference are gone and, in its place, is a scared, lonely wolf. Frame shakes as Rudy’s voice flows over her, offering a safe harbor in her storm of emotions. Leaning into his voice, Fern sniffles as he tells her she doesn’t need to apologize. A weak smile appears but, with her back turned toward Rudy, Fern doubts he will see it.

She lowers her head, allowing her shoulders to slump forward in defeat as she listens. Tears run down her nose and drip onto the green grass. When he is finished, Fern’s soft voice answers, “You have no idea how lucky you are Rudy. Your mother was amazing and loving. Meadow was…” her voice falters as she tries to express her thoughts without bashing the woman who had raised her. She did not wish to further upset Rudyard. When her voice continues, the words are laced sadness and despair. “She tried, Rudy. She really did. But Meadow was all about making the world a better place and that made things difficult at home.”

A paw raises up to swipe angrily at the tears as she adds, “Resin became some kind of mythical figure to me. If I could find her, then everything would be alright.” A humorless laugh rolls past her tongue and hangs bitterly in the air. After all that time searching for the one wolf who could give her direction in this world, Fern had found, instead, her child and the death of her mythical warrior. It feels like she is losing Meadow all over again. Fern knows she grieving for a woman she never met but, in her mind, the gray girl does know Resin through every story told to her.

Finally, Fern lifts her head and turns toward Rudy, her eyes glisten with unshed tears but no more seem to be falling. A small smile appears as she says, “I wish I could be as brave as you. I taught myself how to fight after she died only because I needed it on my journey here. Adventuring always sounded fun but now…” giving a small shrug of her shoulders, Fern continues, “I am tired Rudy. So tired.” His offer to rest and get to know others at the Hallows are enticing but she still does not see the point of her going there.

Carefully, Fern starts pushing the emotions back behind walls, building them stronger than before but she leaves a path open for Rudy because he has earned her trust. Shaking her head as the last of sadness slips away, Fern says, “I have never really been hunting with others. Small pray is all I have been able to catch by myself. But who knows, maybe I am better at hunting than healing!” The laugh is forced but she tries to show him that she would be willing to try something new.

Standing back up, Fern halts in surprise as Rudy mentions how he also watched his mother die. It had never occurred to the gray girl that Resin had fallen in battle alongside her family. Sympathy fills her eyes as Fern watches him. Suddenly, she steps into Rudy’s space and without thinking, she buries her face in the fur of his shoulder. The gesture is small but she offers him all the support she can give. They are so alike, two wounded souls searching for purpose and Fern is glad she allowed herself to be vulnerable with him.

After a few minutes, Fern withdraws her face and looks away, ashamed that she had not considered Rudy might also be in pain. Before they start heading toward the Hallows, Fern says softly, “I am here for you Rudy.”

Learning to be observant as a pup had paid off well over time.  Rudy was sure to keep a quiet, calm disposition, neither demanding answers or shoving too much on her.  He’d let Fern sort out whatever emotions or memories were working through her.  Waiting paid off eventually and she started speaking.

The notion of being lucky was a funny thing.  Sure, he got where she was saying it from but where she was admitting her hardships he was content to just absorb her pains without bothering her with anything he held inside.  Fern might think he’d made her pain worse but Rudy knew better.  He had cut through an infected wound, opening it so that the poison inside could seep out and let the wound heal properly.  It was something he had learned better when mom got sick and after she died.  She’d realize it eventually.

Meadow wanting to make the world a better place didn’t seem wrong to Rudy but the way of doing it was one that would bore him.  If Rudy had been told he had to do that?  Rudy wasn’t going to show it now but a sparkle was in his eye and hidden amusement imagining what he’d do.  He would have gone off adventuring anyway.  No one told Rudy who or what he’d be.  So, Fern had felt she’d had no choice and chained to a future she hadn’t wanted?  It would have driven Rudy nuts.  

“Mom a mythical figure,” Rudy mused a soft smile thinking back to the times when she’d helped to teach him hunting or fighting.  When mom had saved him from the elk herd and chased off the bear with him.   Fern didn’t really need his mom anyway.  She needed to learn to find strength in herself instead of trying to find others to borrow it from.  Resin had taught them how to be strong now Rudy would teach this wolf to be strong.

“A good meal and deep sleep do wonders.  In the pack land there will be the protection of my family to make sure you can sleep without having to be ready to wake up if other predators come by.  It’s a good start.” Rudy offered a flicker of a smile after that, “then, when you’re feeling better I can give you more adventures than you can keep up with.” He could teach her to hunt if she enjoyed it in fact learning a new skill and working hard would get her past this eventually as well.  Not right away, not easily but, with time.

He hadn’t expected it but then Fur’s head was pressed up against his shoulder.  He’d definitely broken some of those walls she wanted to hide behind.  She went from being so guarded to this?  Well, that was good.  Rudy let out a slow exhale, laying his chin on her skull gently for a few seconds.  Her words broke another small smile, “Sure.  I’m glad to have you here,” the words offered with sincerity.  Rudy bumped his head against her cheek and continued walking, “C’mon, things will look better soon.”

Rudyard Carpathius

Soft aqua eyes watch Rudy as he speaks. For so long she had been afraid of everything. But now? Right now, Fern feels completely safe with Rudy. It has been a long time since Fern found herself relying on another wolf for protection and comfort and, while it is a daunting thought, something tells her that Rudy is the perfect wolf for the job. The smile that appears as Rudy talks is light and filled with hope.

A good meal does sound good and her stomach decides to add its opinion to their conversation. Eyes widen slightly in embarrassment but is quickly forgotten as Rudy offers her a safe place to sleep. His mention of adventures has her smile deepening and eyes take on a joyful sparkle. Fern is going to hold Rudy to his word, if he tries to escape, she will tie him up and drag him along.

Her offered comfort is accepted and when she feels Rudy’s head rest on top of her’s, Fern presses her face a little harder into his shoulder and inhales deeply. His scent fills her nostrils and she files it away in her memory as, safe and loved. When she breaks the contact, and Rudy says he is glad to have her, a strange, warm feeling blooms in her chest. Is this what it feels like to be loved and accepted? The warmth spreads throughout her and the smile that rests on her lips is genuine.

Fern walks next to Rudy, allowing him to steer her toward the Hallows in comfortable silence.

-exit Fern and Rudy-