Hajime had been broken hearted so many times before, and he would assume himself cursed over and over again. His mate had died, and so had one of the pups been still born. It left him, and the four little bundle of fluff without a mother or someone to love. Yet this time he could not grovel in his own self pity like he had done when his mother died. He had to take care of them and all on his own. After they buried Elsa the sole thing on his mind was trying to find someone willing to feed them until they were ready to eat solid meat. So he lied there in the den alone the pups curled up around each other near his stomach. A small smile couldn't help but to pull on his face, but also tears to come with it. Walkers were cursed, and maybe it was Denki's way of punishing him for the things he had done in the past. Either way he promised he'd take care of them every single one. His princes his princess all the way. They had a piece of elsa in them too, even if she was gone her blood was right here in front of him. The man pulled a tongue over the top of Levi's head as the boy hiccuped once before returning to slumber. He would need to find them a surrogate mother soon otherwise they'd die. Speech,

The news had shaken Raisa down to the core, and she'd immediately sent Koros away. Weakness was still not something she dealt with well. The woman had been inconsolable, wandering listlessly through her territory the whole of the night. How had things fallen to pieces so fast? Her regal chest shook with sobs, while her raw throat refused to emit a sound. The thick, bitter pain would be unavoidable, but she would suffer it in silence. I wasn't there for the birth, she thought to herself, the sounds echoing listlessly within her mind. Perhaps if I had been there... Perhaps if I had been the queen, the friend she deserved... Her chest constricted, her throat closed tighter yet around the sob that seemed desperate to force it's way to life, or to kill her trying. The ashen woman bared her teeth in a silent snarl against her integral weakness, but it was no use. Her snarl became a pained grimace, and her wail came in the form of a low, keening whimper. The woman collapsed against the base of a broad sentinel oak, no longer able to stand, or see past the burning tears. How long she sat there slumped and heaving, well, she could not say. A long period of time passed before she thought to control her breathing. It came more simply after that, bit by bit. Her muscles felt tight and weak at the same time, as if she had been running all day, and her throat was raw. She felt in desperate need of a cool drink, and turned inwards towards the lake itself. A familiar smell struck, and nearly sent her to fits once more. "Elsa," she murmured, eyes misty and locked somewhere far away, of summer memories and time spent in her small den, out collecting herbs along her side. She'd been among the very first to stand beside the Ebon queen. The first Sola. It was with these thoughts that she turned, angling her body towards the strange intruders who had selfishly mingled their scents with the aftermath of her friend. She realized it must have been her mate, her children... But they're not Elsa... She grit her teeth, forcibly holding back the tears that threatened once more. No one else will ever be Elsa, she reminded herself softly. You must accept this. In what seemed a sudden rush, as if stepping from one lifetime into another, she came upon the den. The strangers mixed unpleasantly with the herbs, but the trace elements of Elsa remained and Raisa took comfort in that. There was something missing, though, something that went intrinsically with birth and pups and life. There is no milk, she realized with a shock. Her children will die without it. Raisa walked towards the den entrance, sluggish, as if she waded through a soup of mud and honey. Mustering up her courage she spoke, her words rasping out evidence of the destruction of the woman's passing. "H-hello?" "Talk" "You" Think

The time that passed would not be enjoyable, his heart was being tugged against a string so easily. His trust completely broken with the world, and partially with himself. Once he finally let it sunk in that Elsa was gone, the woman he had sworn to protect to love and more, the one who he helped when she was troubled. The woman who didn't mind his scary past because they all had things they wanted to forget. The memory of her face, and her white coat burned into his mind like a hot coal. As he watched the small squirming bundles his eyes burned and teared up, what if he wasn't able to find them a mother. What if they died because he hadn't taken his time to get to know all of the ebony members. The few that he knew wouldn't possibly take up a request to take care of the pups with him until they could eat meat. They would die, and it would be his fault. Hajime didn't notice that he was crying at first, the tears rolled down his snout and it was a sneakingly familiar feeling of sadness that filled his heart. His short sobs would wake the children and he tried to stop himself, pulling his paws towards his eyes to make the tears go away. His daughter would come to rest her tiny paws on his snout little whines would make him make eye contact with the little blind creature. He smiled through his pain a little sniffing as he let the last muster of tears fall off his snout. "Daddy's going to take care of you, everything will be okay." he said setting her back with the others as he sniffed shaking his head red eyes looking over them again. What was he going to do? "Nennen korori yo, Okorori yo. Bōya wa yoi ko da, Nenne shina~ Bōya no omori wa, Doko e itta? Ano yama koete, Sato e itta." his native tongue rolled off his mouth with ease to the lullaby. His words calming the little ones, as they soon fell quiet again and the pain in his heart returned. Only for his opposite colored ears to react to the sound of a rasped whisper at the start of the den. The den was large enough to fit two more wolves inside of it, after all it used to be Elsa's and she was a healer. Hajime refused to leave the side of his children, but the scent made him realize this must have been Raisa the queen. "Raisa.... you can come in." he spoke with a nearly dead tone. But worry for her filled him just as much as his own because of his slightly selfless nature. Elsa had been Raisa's friend, and Elsa cared deeply for the queen all the way through the end. His black tail flicked as he tried to make the last efforts of wiping away tears and making himself seem respectably presentable. Translation: Hushabye, Hushabye! My good Baby, Sleep! Where did my boy's baby-sitter go? Beyond that mountain, back to her home. Speech,

The grating permission tweaked her pride, in some deeply repressed corner of her being. The queen forced herself to push it down further yet, knowing it was his right to grieve as he wished. She took a deep breath before padding, step by step, down into the sanctuary of their home. The scents of her dear friend flooded her senses and brought pricking tears to her eyes once more, though she did not let them fall. The sight of the cluster, the pups nuzzling into a warm body, but unable to gain their sustenance as their basest instincts told them they must... It was heartbreaking. She drew in a shuddering breath, and allowed her eyes to sink closed for a blissfully long moment. When they opened once more, however, she knew she must speak. "Hajime, it is nice to meet you at last, if only the circumstances could be better." Her voice was weak, wavering, trembling. Her words may have been strong, but there was no possibility that the man was fooled. Again, her pride twinged, that this should be his first impression of her. She took only a step further before laying down, knowing she did not have the right to encroach on the unhappy family. She eyed the pups with a sort of longing that struck her like a double-edge sword. In part, she saw the bits of Elsa in these children she knew she would never see again on their matriarch. At the same time she recognized in them what she had once seen in her own pups, before her weakness and her inner demons had driven her away, and to the brink of madness. The memories overwhelmed her and she dipped her head, staring at the floor, hoping the darkness would hide the tears that had begun to fall freely once again. "Hajime, I am so sorry for your loss." Her thoughts were much more bitter. And for the loss of this entire damn pack, she thought bitterly, that such a brilliant fae was claimed by the gods so long before her time. "Talk" "You" Think

Hajime was fully aware of others, fully aware of their feelings even more so then he had used to be. He felt awe full, he was here mourning while the queen was even in more pain than he was. Raisa like any other wolf, deserved a shoulder to lean on, and not a strange even if he could offer it she would probably reject. His heritage had been from loyalty, the stories were all the same, they ended the same too. In dramatic, lonely deaths, where someone didn't arrive on time, and they were never forgiven for their sins. Here she was, apologizing for his loss when all that he could see was someone who was fighting emotion. When she spoke, his lip merely twitched and he shook his head. "It's a best a time as any." he said a small shiver running down his spine. His throat ached, his chest ached even more. As red eyes looked up at the fae, his children were going to die and it would his bloods fault he felt it. The gods didn't take pity on him, Denki was laughing at him right now. "Raisa, it was your loss too. Elsa cared for you, and you knew her longer than I. I'm sorry." he lowered his head shaking it again tears would fall again and he wouldn't be able to hide them. It was all too surreal, and ever so stupid in the back of his head. "It's my fault, this happens, all the time I can't ever be happy not unless someone else is suffering." His paws came to pull over his snout with his sobbing. He wanted to comfort Raisa he wanted to, but now he was speaking none sense and spilling his heart out to a stranger. "Raisa, I'm sorry, I promised to protect your friend, your healer. I promised I would always be there for her, and I failed. Now she's gone and now you're hurt others are hurt too." he lifted his head. "What if they die too Raisa, they don't have a mother to feed them the milk they need. The gods have really punished me this time, what if my blood is cursed." His eyes strained, he searched to her for help. For some sense of comfort, Ebony had been his home because of Elsa. And he had finally found peace because of it, without these pups he'd be lost. Speech,

Watching the man break before her tore at some fibre of the queens being. It pulled at the strings and cogs that made up her construction, pulled them taut and tightened something she could not name with any sort of certainty. Perhaps it was her conviction, or her gods-be-damned hard headed stubbornness. She glared at the floor of the den, and cursed whatever selfish power would deny the world Elsa as well as her legacy. It was too much. She ground her teeth together, feeling rage begin to bubble up within her bones, beneath her pelt. Perhaps it was strange to react so, but that was hardly her concern. "They will not die, Hajime," she said, her voice icy cold, bearing an edge of hardened, tempered steel. She stepped forward, sniffing over each bundle of fur. "I will make certain of that. They are my subjects, after all. And as queen, I will provide for them, as is my duty. And for Elsa, I will ensure these children grow up strong and wise, a credit to their mother's memory. She will not be forgotten." Somewhere during her short speech, she had begun to cry again, but she didn't care. Just as Hajime cried, she paid him no mind. All that mattered were the pups. Raise laid down, and gently brought one into her side, and then another. She did not wait for Hajimes approval, she could not. There was no other choice but to provide for Elsa in death what she had never been able to do in life. She would give these pups everything she could, or die trying. "Talk" "You" Think

It wasn't like Hajime would have objected anyway, more or less he made room and moved away from them so it'd be more comfortable. No way in hell was he going to be picky right now, and as he saw the five little bundles of fur his heart rose some as he had a sparkling look in his eyes. He let out a sigh of relief, they would live, and he owed Raisa BIG TIME. He smiled, he smiled widely at the woman, and at that moment he didn't care weather she was the queen or not. Hajime was more concentrated on the fact she was taking care of the pups that he held so dear to him. Hajime flicked his tail slightly. "Mind if I....share a story? Thank you so much Raisa, this means so much to me. To Elsa, she was your friend up till the very end and she cared about you a lot." he said lowering his head slightly. Raisa reminded him so much of the rest of his family. "My name is Hajime Walker.... it's a pleasure to finally meet you. My mother was a queen so my heritage derives from royalty, but our kingdom got scattered before we ended up in alacritis. Glaciem killed my mother and I spent some time in Tortuga before it was under Glaciem's control. The Walkers are a strong, once royal family so I want you to know I will never betray Ebony and I will serve them well till the day I die. You have saved my blood, and being an alphess it's more the reason that I respect you." It wasn't much of a story as it was bits and pieces of his past. Speech,

Raisa's attention had zeroed in on the little balls of fur now nestled into the curve of her much larger body. They were so small, so helpless. If they suckled, she would produce milk, she had seen surrogate mothers do it before. The sooty queen could only pray that she had come in time. Hajime's gratitude drifted between her ears, as if a distant fog, to which she smiled and nodded in his direction. Her body was a writhing mass of mixed emotions, all manner of sadness and joy and anger and despair, and all at once. It was more than a bit overwhelming. "Just as I was a friend to Elsa, you were more than that," she said softly. "You are all members of my pack, under my protection, and you seem like a good man. I am more than happy to help you." In truth, Raisa was feeling the weight of her age. She had not even seen four years of life, yet she was expected to lead and guide and care for all of these wolves. Elsa had been among the first to join them, as well as the first to die. It wasn't fair... She realized then that Hajime had started to speak once more. Her ears flicked forwards and she focused in, listening to his short, sad story. She smiled a bitter smile and said, "I grew up in a land far, far from here. My mother was Queen, just her mother was before her. Our line was proud, and ancient. My blood can be traced back centuries, but a year ago they were struck down by a coup, and I was forced into exile. I know the pain of having to rebuild from the ashes." And she knew as well how joyous it was to produce children who carried your blood as well. Raisa knew that her legacy would live on in her own five pups, just as Hajime's would continue on as well. She would make certain of it. "Talk" "You" Think

Hajime's ears would pull forward, and for a moment in his life he thought that he and Raisa had something amazingly in common. Pasts of their kingdoms were forged in the bloody wars of the evil. And now that he had a reminder of what once was of the Raal kingdom part of him shivered with the old goal he had of one day reviving that royal blood that screamed within his veins. "I will not let my blood go to waste in Ebony Raisa, I am indebted to them like the very day my princehood was taken away by a single man who destroyed my mothers life." Hajime said tilting his head to the side as he looked at the children. A small smile would grow on his face. "Celestine, Ixionn, Levaithi, Aiko and Seira" he spoke their names, motioning to each one by appearance to tell Raisa their names. Three beautiful princesses and two princes. He would hold them dearly, his red eyes looked to Raisa. "For all the royal blood that runs through these veins Raisa as long as I live I will protect you and ebony with my strength. Weather it be mentally or physically." his tail flicked. The truth would come to mind, when he realized how important that his blood was to him. Speech,

Raisa listened to the man's oath, solemn and heartfelt, and let it fill her a bit. The void left by her friend's death was still prevalent above all else, and Raisa had an inkling that it would take quite some time to leave her, if it ever did. She had seen so much death in her short existence, yet somehow this hit her harder than any other. Her own mother and father... She had grieved, certainly, but Elsa had been different. Raisa had chosen to befriend her, chosen to guide her and pull the reclusive, troubled woman from her shell. In a way, it was like losing a sister, or a child. But, curled before her now, was the next generation. Raisa knew she would do for them all she wished she could for their deceased mother. It was a vow as deadly seriously as Hajime's. She listened to their names, and allowed a small smile to grace her. It still tasted bitter on her lips, but she reveled in it. "Beautiful names, Hajime," she said softly. "And by the royal blood in mine own veins, centuries old, I swear to protect and raise and love them as if they were my own. They shall want for nothing, and they will always have a home with me. You as well, of course. I am at your service." But for now, the queen was tired. She allowed her eyes to sink shut for a blissful moment, allowing the feeling of the pups sharp little teeth and prodding paws to wash away all else. It was a blissful surrender, but the Queen could only pray that it was enough.

code by sam & image by lu