Chade couldn’t wait to show Ricin what he’d been up to!  The large blue pup jogged towards the scent of his beloved brother, the second part of his soul.  Following along beside Chade was a cheetah cub, still showing its own youth with having some of that extra fuzzy fur’s along its neck and down part of the back.  They still didn’t know each other well but Chade and Manea had saved it from hyena’s and that was enough to have won its loyalty.

“Ry! Hey Ry!” Chade called out eagerly.

The cheetah looked curious and kept its stride matching Chade’s, glancing sideways at him as they moved, “Food after?”  The adolesenct cat hadn’t ate that day and it was nipping away at the curiosity of Chade’s brother.

“Sure, we can hunt together after we check in with my brother.  We can get a good-sized meal so you can eat all you want.”

The cat gave a quick nod appearing to perk up more at the assurance of food.

"Speech"

Ricin had decided to explore the grove a little more today. He has grown tired of hiding himself away from Chade, trying to pretend he doesn’t feel horrible for his betrayal. So, has as resolved to tell his brother about his talk with Manea and he is going to do it today. Chade’s voice calls for him and Ricin curses inwardly while quickly moving to intercept his sibling. He isn’t ready for this, a pit forming in his as he moves and the lighter boy tries desperately to think of the right words to say. The thoughts carry him away and the cheetah’s scent does not register in his brain. Finally, Ricin sees Chade’s head peeking out from behind a tree, the rest of his brother hidden by the enormous trunk. Confidently, Ricin calls out, “Hey Ny. I have something I need to” His voice stops abruptly as he moves around the tree and gets a full view of his brother and the cat.

For a moment he pauses, eyes flicking from the feline to his brother and back before determining the cheetah must be a friend. After all it isn’t attacking Chade. Ricin closes the distance to his brother, saying, “Hey Ny, who is your friend?” The lighter-hued pup still feels wary of the cat but he tries to appear calm and confident, not wanting to jump to any hasty conclusions. A smile appears as he looks to Chade, all while his heart hammers painfully in his chest.


"Speech"

Chade moves closer to meet up with Ry so they met in the middle.  The cheetah was now clearly visible with him at this point.  “Oh, this is my friend Swift.  He’s gonna be staying with us!”

The juvenile cheetah bobbed his head at Ricin, “hello,” the cat greeted softly.

Chade puffed out his chest, “Manea and I were patrolling and a group of hyenas attacked us.  One of them had been trying to kill Swift and we saved him.  He’s a cheetah.”  Not like either one of them had seen one before.  It took a second before Chade thought back, “oh, what did you want to tell me anyway?”

"Speech"

The cheetah is a welcome distraction, it diverts the conversation that needs to happen for a little longer. Anxiety forms knots in Ricin’s gut as he looks from his brother to Swift… the apprehension is not from the cat that Chade seems to have befriended but from the fact that he cannot put off the talk much longer. When the cat bobs its head and says hello, Ricin’s eyebrows shoot up and the pup smiles widely. Happily, he says, “Hello Swift! Nice to meet you.” His gaze is pulled back to Chade as his brother explains how they meet, nodding and smiling as his brother talks. His mouth makes an ‘o’ in surprise at the name cheetah. Not that the brothers have any knowledge of the creatures are what they are capable of but it seems like an appropriate reaction.

Then, Chade remembers Ricin’s words asking what the lighter boy wanted to tell him. Inwardly, the light pup groans, paws shuffling as Ricin darts his eyes around the grove. He clears his throat, saying, “Oh, uh, it’s not that important. We can… uh… talk about it later. I’m sure Swift here is hungry.” The courage the lighter brother had mustered is gone, leaving Ricin with the urge to flee and pretend like the talk with Manea never happened. He cannot meet Chade’s gaze, the tree just beside his brother has suddenly become very interesting as Ricin bites his lip and stares very intently at the trunk of the tree. Unconsciously, the pup shifts his weight from one side to the other, appearing as if, at any minute, he will bolt.


"Speech"

The meeting was going just as Chade had planned.  He knew Ry would love the cheetah friend also.  They could all go off exploring together and Swift would help him hunt! The way Ricin was curious about so much it just made sense he’d want to chat it up with the cat.  So when things took a new twist and Ry started avoiding a topic it was about as clear as night versus day that something was up.

Swift did perk up and look to Chade when Ricin mentioned the cat being hungry.  Chade looked thoughtfully to swift then back to his brother.  Childish joy had faded out to be replaced by somber thoughtfulness.  "yeah, Swift did tell me he was hungry.  I said we’d get food after I introduced you two.”  The statements were made slowly with a hint of unasked question in the tone.

Chade turned as if he was going to go, thinking on it as he had promised to help Swift get a meal.  With a sigh and groan he looked at Swift.  “Food, I promise.  Just one moment.”  Chade turned back and moved to stand straight in front of his brother, blocking off his view of the tree.  “Ry, what is it?”  No childish curiosity there, a blunt statement of wanting an answer.  “Whatevers pluckin at your innards get it up and we’ll deal with it.”  Just like they dealt with everything else, together.  Ry didn’t need to keep secrets from him if their was something wrong.


"Chade & Ricin"

Ricin wiggles his nose up in deep concentration, the tree is just so... tree-ish. Heart hammers against his ribs as Chade speaks to Swift, speaking of getting the cat food. Relief begins to spread through the lighter brother at the prospect of getting away from the difficult conversation. Yet, the rock of guilt in the light boy’s stomach stops the spreading feeling and weighs the pup down. So, as his brother turns away from him, the lighter pup finds panic start to overwhelm him. The prospect of keeping secrets from Chade eating Ricin from the inside out. He has to share the deep dark secret with his brother… he has to.

Still, he does not call to Chade as his brother turns away from him, guilt, doubt, and unspeakable fear rotting Ricin to the spot. He is going to die or bust if he doesn’t tell his brother the festering secret he has been keeping. Chade’s sigh breaks the silence and true relief floods the lighter boy. He is grateful Chade can read him so well, knows when to push Ricin to spill and when to let him hide. The darker form of his brother steps between the tree and his gaze and Ricin does not shift his focus away. He meets his brother’s eyes and exhales slowly once Chade is done talking.

Emotions run rampant for a moment in the lighter brother, worry being the most prominent and even spills over to touch his features. Ricin swallows as the words seem to lodge in his throat. Taking a deep breath to calm himself, the lighter boy begins, “There is something I haven’t told you Ny. Well… actually there are two things.” His brain wants him to run away, to pretend this conversation is not happening. However, he doesn’t flee, instead he continues to push through the painful conversation, “I… know what did you for me Ny. I know I wouldn’t be standing here if it wasn’t for you. I… saw you trip her. I saw you sacrifice her so I could live.”

A rollercoaster of emotions rages through Ricin and he knows that if he doesn’t get the rest out right this second, he never will. The lighter boy blurts out, “I know you didn’t want me to see but I did and I am grateful Ny! I have been feeling guilty about it, especially because I kept getting into trouble and thought you might be second guessing your choice. I had to tell someone Ny. I… had to.” The lighter brother bites the inside of his cheek as he waits for Chade’s reaction.


"Speech"

Chade hadn’t known what would be bothering Ricin but he was assuming some recent detail.  Maybe he’d had a bad run-in with someone in the pack.  Maybe he had found trouble he needed help with.  The worst thing Chade could imagine is if somehow they were getting thrown out of the pack.  What he never saw coming was this.

Swift was forgotten, the pack was forgotten, everything was forgotten in that moment as Ricin admitted to having seen what he did.  Their sister. "You knew, huh," Chade's words were a soft whisper. Chade’s mind spiraled to the past and to those few seconds of his life that changed their course.  A pack of roaring lions could have probably snuck up on Chade right then.

He felt the pounding of his feet on the earth and how it reverberated in his own small terrified heart.  He saw his sister behind him and Ricin losing ground.  The bear was a giant monster, towering larger than life and like a wave would be on them in no time.  Someone would die.  He loved his siblings and already had lost two.  He remembered the feeling of shoving into his sister and the look of shock on her face as she tumbled.  

Chade remembered making Ry move faster even as he glanced back to see the terrified expression on their sister and then…

Chade shivered as he came to himself.  The truth was he’d had to turn his head as the bear crashed down on her.  He hadn’t seen how broken her body had become but unfortunately, he had a good imagination about it.  There had been more than enough nightmares to help.  So, Ricin knew.  He had always known.

Now it was Chade’s turn to glance away from Ricin.  He felt cold and hollow, his most scarred memory exposed.  Chade hadn’t seemed to react anymore about Ricin having told someone, at least not right away.  Memories hounded the present along with wondering how to feel about Ricin’s knowledge.

So there was perhaps a full awkward minute of silence before Chade’s head caught up, “you did what?” The reality of the situation as Chade saw it caught up to him. “You told..!” No no no.  Did Ry realize how bad it could get telling others that?  Chade had chosen to let his sister die so Ry could live.  How could they trust him if they knew he had done that?  His sister certainly shouldn’t have trusted him.  Ah hell Chade was gonna be sick if he didn’t get his emotions under control

“Who Ry?” Chade stepped forward so there was no more than an inch between muzzles, and their was intensity in his voice, “Who did you tell? What did they say…” Were they in danger?  No one was supposed to know what Chade had done, not even Ricin.  Chade’s toes dug into the dirt.  The fear, guilt, shame, anger were swirling around in him so much it was hard to fit in logic but it might be needed right now.

"Chade & Ricin"

The silence that falls as Ricin admits that he told someone the secret seems to stretch on forever. He watches as memories of the past weigh Chade down, the guilt and sadness ripping fresh holes in the light boy’s heart. The event happened, there is nothing that can change that. Perhaps… he shouldn’t have said anything, allowed Chade to keep on pretending nothing had happened and he should have swallowed his own guilt about… everything. Heart hammers harder in his chest, stomach twisting into a thousand knots as he watches his brother, waiting for the inevitable moment. Then… Ricin words finally reach him.

The fear and anger in his brother’s eyes cause Ricin to wince, shy back a few steps, mouth opening to reassure Chade. However, the darker boy is already in his face and Ricin shrinks further away, tail tucked. He mumbles apologies, quickly laying on his belly and curling his tail. The worried boy lays his head flat on the ground, making himself as small as possible in a submissive, defeated gesture. Tall frame quakes as he squeezes his eyes shut to try and hold the tears in. He chokes out, “I’m sorry Ny. I had to tell her. She is the leader and… I had to tell her.”

Guilt clouds the happy moment of Ricin wrapped in Manea’s arms as the realization of his betraying of his brother’s secret and receiving comfort for that fact is slammed home. A strangled sob escapes as Ricin keeps his eyes shut tightly so he does not have to see his brother’s anger at him. His voice catches as he says, “I told Manea, Ny. She thought it was fate. That, what you did, was your truest expression of love for me. I am so sorry Ny. I… I’m sorry. She was holding me and… it felt so nice. I had to tell her. I had to. She… doesn’t hate us. I promise.” Ricin ducks his head under one of his legs, trying to hide the liquid that leaks out of his eyes at a steady rate.


"Speech"

Chade was scaring Ry, it was obvious and shouldn’t have been a surprise considering his reaction.  He had no desire to scare his brother but this hurt.  The memory hurt, the look on their sister's face hurt, Ry’s telling it without consulting him, Ry even knowing and having never told Chade before this moment.  

Hearing Ricin’s choked sob and how he had to shut his eyes and act submissively was just one new wound in Chade’s heart.  When had he last seen Ricin so upset?  Chade was the one causing it this time.  With a shudder, Chade stepped back.  It was hard to not keep giving in to his emotions but he had to.  His goal in life was keeping Ricin safe and protected, not scaring him.

Chade stepped back, making himself sit down.  Stopping his momentum forward, shutting his mouth for a few moments was the limit of self-control so he just sat there repeating over and over in his mind ‘calm down, calm down, calm down.’
“Fate, huh?”  There was bitter anger in the words, not anger aimed at either Ricin or Manea, but anger to whatever cosmic ‘fate’ had thought this whole mess up.  No, it wasn’t fate.  Chade imagined if it had been Fate’s decision Ricin would be dead and his sister would have lived in that moment.  Chade saw it more as having denied fate her option to choose and instead played that role himself.  

Manea was the leader and she did need to know what was going on with everyone in the pack.  She needed to know the present and Chade saw no damn reason she needed to know about their past.  Her opinion was more important than Chade’s?  After all their time alone that had happened?  It took effort but once more he swallowed back the anger.  Ry had enjoyed being held and wanted to drop his guard and do what kids do.  He had wanted to pass on their troubles to an adult to hear that things were alright.  He had felt safe and wanted to fully let go of all the pain.

Chade assumed it was that at least.  It sounded great, letting go, putting faith in someone older who would protect you to also protect you from all the bad things in the past and help make sure the future didn’t hold the same.  Someone to go to for advice.  Trying to understand Ricin at least helped soothe away some of the anger and let Chade think more clearly.  He still felt raw and wanted to be alone but that would come later.

It’s fine Ry,” Chade’s words were soothing now, a slow exhale, letting out some of the tension.  “and I do love you, and yes, that was why I,” he paused trying to find words before just summarizing with, “why I did that.”  Let the ‘that’ stay unnamed. “I overreacted Ry.  I’m glad you trust her enough to be open.” Chade swallowed a lump in his throat, “that’s good.  She knows now and doesn’t distrust me so, that’s good too.”

“Please open your eyes brother, don’t be scared of me.  I still love you and nothing will ever change that.”  Regardless of whatever Chade did when this discussion ended it was imperative Ricin not have any questions about that.

The surrounding area was creeping back into his reality again.  The sounds of nature about them and then the memory of Swift nearby wanting food.  He glanced towards the cheetah then back at Ricin, “you ok?”  He’d finish up this conversation, get Swift food, and then go exploring alone to clear his head.  The big question was if he was going to talk to Manea later.  His stomach did summersaults at the idea of bringing up the topic again.  Some things adults could help you with but some things a wolf had to deal with on their own.

"Chade & Ricin"

Ricin hides his face, tries to hide his tears but the knowledge that he made Chade angry… hurts. Truthfully, the lighter pup cannot remember a time he had seen his brother so angry at him. Sure, when he got into sticky situations, the darker pup would be mad but it was because he cares about Ricin. But this… this was raw, pure anger laced with fear. He can’t face his brother, not after seeing what he perceived as hate in his brother’s eyes. The bitter tone in Chade’s voice only serves to drive the stake of hate further into the sad boy’s heart. He stays curled up, trying to regain control of his emotions while also trying to come to terms with his brother’s new view of him.

Chade says its fine and talks of loving him but Ricin knows the truth. After today, things will be different and his brother will no longer trust him. The pup tries to shut down the thoughts, to make the parade of horrible self-talk stop but it won’t. The darker pup continues to talk as Ricin stays curled, face hidden under his leg and he feels something… shift. As Chade speaks of still loving him, Ricin sniffles and pulls his head out from his leg, using the paw to brush away the tears. When he looks to his brother, a wobbly smile is on his lips as he says, “Okay Ny. Love you too.” The words feel hallow, empty of any true emotion. Part of Ricin wonders why he can’t feel anything, why he is suddenly numb inside; but that he will save those questions for another day.

Ricin moves to stand and shake out his coat, looking to Swift and back to Chade. He tries to force emotions that use to flow so freely, a tight smile on his lips as he works to inject a lightness in his tones, “We should get Swift some food. We have delayed him long enough.” The smile he wears is strained, his words seem flat to his own ears and the sparkle seems to have dulled in his eyes. Ricin feels that something is off but he cannot figure out exactly what that is. The lighter boy looks to his brother, waiting for Chade to take the lead and take them on a hunt.

"Speech"