TW: pregnancy from rape

In the days leading up to the final preparations for the wedding, Syanna had done her best to try to stay out of everyone's way so they could proceed without any hindrance from her. Artorias, Ezra, and Rudyard had all hunted down the monster that had attacked her and carried out a swift sentence of justice, and for that she found immense relief. Still, she was recovering from the aftermath of her ordeal. Gwynevere had told her the recovery process would be slow, and as a healer she knew this to be truth. Her body had been through a terrible ordeal, her mind equally as damaged. Nightmares plagued her sleep, even now after her attacker's death, and poor Ezra was doing all he could to comfort her through the recovery process, bless his heart. It would take time, but she would get better again—of that she was committed to.

However, there was one last lasting outcome from her rape that Syanna still had to contend with. She had been in the thick of her heat when the dire wolf had found her and taken her again and again. He'd been incessant about wanting to put his pups in her, and though she'd been on her contraceptive regiment, the monster had kept her for several days without her herbs. Returning to the castle, Gwyn had given her some silphium as quickly as she could in hopes of counteracting the demon's sperm, but they both knew the slim odds of her circumstances. It wasn't until a few days after she came back to the Hallows that Syanna realized her worst nightmares had come true. Her heat scent had faded away far too soon and abruptly, even before her season had officially ended. Still, she held out hope, praying that it was just a fluke. Then came the nausea and morning sickness, the fatigue, the grogginess and restlessness, and she knew. The first morning she was ill, she chalked it up to an upset stomach. The second day, a coincidence. On this third morning, hurling over the balcony of their bedroom, Syanna's heart gripped with the real fear of what she knew was happening to her.

Ezra had gotten up early for a patrol that morning, so Syanna simply shuffled her way back to bed, her eyes wide and vacant. Her mind was swarming with a million panicked thoughts and anxious fears, trying to piece together how the hell she was going to break this news to Ezra and how she was going to handle it. There was always the option of termination, but at this stage, with how weak her body still was, it would be extremely risky. Syanna climbed back into bed, curling up on her side facing the wall while she stared into space. Her black-gloved paws slid slowly over her lower belly, feeling her stomach churn with disgust. She felt repulsed by her own body, hating herself, hating the slate brute more for doing this to her in the first place. Now she had to find a way to break the heart of the wolf she loved. Gods, why couldn't he have just killed her when he was done with her and spare her this torment?

"Syanna & Ezra"

Ezra hardly left Syanna's side, but he also tried to balance his need to be over protective with her need to be strong on her own feet. The only way he knew how to give her some space and breathing room was to busy himself with his usual pack duties so that's what he did—running patrols, helping with hunts, assisting in the preparations for the upcoming wedding. He was still with her more often than not, but it at least kept him from being glued to her every moment of the day which he liked to think was good for the both of them no matter how hard it was for him. He had noticed her acting a bit strange with some tiredness and fatigue over the last few days, but he just wrote it off as her body still recovering from the awful trauma it had gone through. She had been beat to hell and back and he understood that it was going to take more time than either of them would like for her to recover so he didn't say anything, just supporting her and getting her what she needed in anyway way he could.

However, when he came back from his morning patrol and found her laying on the bed facing the wall with a thousand yard stare his stomach twisted with worry and he frowned as he gently closed the door behind him. "Syanna?" he questioned as he walked over to the bed, pulling himself up onto the bed as he settled in behind her, his larger frame forming easily around hers with one of his forelegs slipping around her gently. "Are you okay?" he added, kissing her forehead tenderly while he tried to catch her gaze and decipher what it was that was going through her head. He had grown familiar with comforting her through her nightmares or pulling her mind away from whatever memory was tormenting her, but this felt like something else even if he didn't know what it was yet.

"Syanna & Ezra"

Syanna didn't know how long she'd been staring at the wall, fazed out of reality with the dark thoughts swirling about in her broken brain. It could have only been a few minutes or a few hours. Time meant so little to her anymore. But eventually she heard the latch of the bedroom door open and the familiar heavy footfalls of Ezra coming back in. He called out her name, but she didn't respond. She couldn't. Her voice suddenly seemed impossible to use. The bed sagged with her boyfriend's weight as he climbed in beside her and snuggled close, his foreleg draping across her. She caught his paw reflexively as it moved to her midsection, slowly guiding it up away from her belly to rest on her chest instead. He asked in worried tones if she was okay. No. No she was not okay. Nothing about her was okay anymore. But how did she tell him that? How did she break his heart with the reality of their circumstances? This wasn't fair—not to her, not to Ezra, not to anyone. She only hoped the fucker that had done this to her had died in terrible pain, screaming and begging for mercy.

Sucking in a shallow, shaking breath, Syanna blinked her deep green eyes to bring herself back into reality. "No, no I'm not okay," she said, her voice quivering with the shame and panic while a cream paw came up to wipe away the frightened tears welling up in her eyes. She had to tell him, had to be honest with him, but that felt like an impossible task. "Ezra... I'm... I..." Syanna's entire body shuddered while she curled in on herself again, gnashing her teeth together in rage and upset. "I'm so sorry..." He wouldn't understand... not yet, at least. "My heat ended, Ezra... It ended early. Just after I came back." She slowly peered back over his shoulder, wanting nothing more than to avoid seeing the pain in his expression when he finally understood what she meant, but she needed to make him understand. He was such a dopey boy, she hoped she wouldn't need to spell out the painfully obvious for him. "It ended because of him." Please understand... Please... She didn't want to say aloud that she was pregnant with her rapist's pups.

"Syanna & Ezra"

Ezra didn't really pay much mind to how she caught his paw and held it to her chest as he slid his foreleg around her while he snuggled up behind her, his attention to caught on her upset, panicked expression. There was a heavy pause after he asked if she was okay and he nearly asked her again, but she did respond, saying that she wasn't. A frown creased his expression with worry, but he kept quiet and just held her while she seemed to struggle to find the words. Since everything happened he had learned a lot of patience and how to just give her the time and space to say what she needed to say even if it took time. Her words were broken and stuttered when she did speak, his worry building as she apologized and curled in on herself, pulling away from him slightly in the process. At first he didn't understand, not when she said that her heat had ended early just after she came back. That didn't ring any bells to him or make anything click—not until she added that it had ended because of him. The bastard that had caused all of this pain and trauma and hurt. That put the pieces together in his brain—the only thing that would make her heat end was getting pregnant... while she was trapped with that fucker and away from the herbs that she had been taking to prevent her from getting pregnant with his pups while they were sleeping together.

A chill ran over him, speechless as he froze and processed this fact, having to repeat it back to himself several times for it to feel real. Syanna was pregnant with the pups from her rapist. Pregnant. She was going to have that bastard's pups. A rage creeped up on him and he grit his teeth as he fought it off, both of his forelegs slipping around her now as he pulled her into his chest with her back pressed against him, nuzzling the top of her head while he tried to keep himself from flying off the handle with the seething anger he felt toward someone who he had already helped to rip apart. He couldn't get any more revenge than he had already gotten and yet somehow they were still being tormented and punished by that brute from beyond the grave. "Don't be sorry," he told her softly as he forced himself to calm down for her sake, focusing on the only part of this whole situation he could actually affect or help. He couldn't change what happened and he couldn't hold her attacker any more accountable than he already had. All he could do now was he here for her and help her through the aftermath. "Please don't be sorry. Don't apologize. This isn't your fault, you didn't cause this."

He gave a shaky sigh, lifting his head from on top of hers and leaving a gentle trail of kisses over her forehead and along the bridge of her nose. "We're going to figure this out," he assured her, loosening his hold on her just enough to get her to roll over toward him so he could see her face, brushing a paw over her cheek as he gave her a resolute, sure look. He hesitated, his mind still reeling slightly from the news. He knew basically nothing when it came to healing and herbs and all of the things they could do, but he knew from being around her that there was things she could take to prevent the pregnancy from happening... but what about after it had already happened? "I'm sure you've already considered all of these things and I'm sure you would have already done something if you could, but... Is there anything we can do to stop it? Is there something I can get you or find for you or... Anything?" He was at a loss and he was tired of feeling helpless when it came to doing things for her, but it felt like he was just continually put in front of problems he couldn't solve.

"Syanna & Ezra"

It took him a few moments for slow comprehension to creep across his expression, just as Syanna expected it too. What hurt the most though was that she could pinpoint the exact instant he realized what she was telling him. That look of shocked and pained understanding thinly masking his rage would forever be seared in her brain as the moment she broke his heart and ruined his life. He didn't deserve to deal with this. This was her cross to bear. Gods, she should have just left when she had the chance... or better yet, why hadn't that bastard just killed her when he was done with her and spared them all this suffering? Syanna cringed a bit when she saw Ezra gritting his serrated fangs together; she wasn't afraid of him or feared that he'd hurt her, but she had never seen him in such a degree of fury before. Gradually he began to calm down, simmering back down to a state where he could speak calmly, and when he could he used that to try and comfort and reassure her. Gods damn, she did not deserve this sweet wolf...

Syanna put up no resistance when Ezra rolled her over in his arms so they were facing each other, the vixen-like fae's paws clutched over her belly while she tried to find some sort of escape from this hellish nightmare. All the while Ezra kept trying to soothe and comfort her with reassuring words, kissing across her face and wiping away her tears. He assured her that they were going to figure it out, but little did he know, she already had. As far as Syanna could see, she had two choices—neither of them were good. As if reading her mind, Ezra asked with some trepidation if there were any herbs that could help her. Syanna sniffled a bit and swallowed hard, giving a tiny nod of her head before peering up into his sky blue eyes. "There are... Herbs are more effective at preventing pregnancy from happening at all, but there is a combination of plants that can... terminate a pregnancy," she explained, her words measured and chosen carefully, as the next part would reveal why. "...But it's risky. It's such a volatile combination that it not only destroys the fetuses, but it can also wreck a fae's womb, sometimes beyond recovery. The faes I've seen take it... some were never able to bear children again."

A shaky breath in and shuddering sigh left the vulpine woman, her paws tightening around her slim midsection that would eventually begin to swell with pups she never wanted. Pups that she'd be forced to birth, care for, and raise. Pups Ezra would be saddled with if he chose to remain with her. Constant little reminders of the horrors she'd endured. But the risk that came with terminating them was a high cost to pay. She could lose her ability to bear children. She would never have pups with Ezra and his bloodline would die with him. Was that worth throwing away? Was it worth carrying her rapist's children just to ensure she could have a future family with Ezra? Syanna just didn't know what to do, and it wasn't a decision she could make on her own. "What do we do, Ezra?" she asked, her voice strained and pleading. She just felt lost, trapped in a lose-lose situation she had no control over. Emerald eyes searched his face for some sort of answer. What would he want her to do?

"Syanna & Ezra"

The nod of her head gave him some false hope, already ready to jump out of this bed and go on whatever journey getting the herbs she needed required, but the look on her face when her stunning emerald eyes met his made him pause and he listened as she explained what they could do. Medicines she could take to end this pregnancy now, but with high risks attached. He tried to keep his expression neutral as she explained how this treatment did sometimes irreparable damage to the faes that took it, making it so they could never bear children again. He did his very best to not let it show how his heart sank, but it was inevitable and he knew she would be able to see the way his brows furrowed and the tension in his shoulders slumped slightly with the weight of the decision that hung in the balance between them.

His ice blue eyes drifted, glancing down at her stomach where her paws were crossed over her torso, clutching around herself. He hadn't even considered whether or not he would even want pups one day. It felt like they had only just begun their relationship and he was still trying to navigate all the intricacies of being in a serious relationship. Hell, he had just admitted his feelings to her less than a season ago. Now he was suddenly confronted with the possibility of never even having the choice. He thought about his own father, how even with all of his flaws he had always put his children ahead of pretty much anything else in his life and had loved being a father more than anything. Was that something he wanted to risk giving up? Was it really even his choice to make?

Her strained voice brought his gaze back up to hers and he was met with her pleading, lost gaze that tore him apart. He wanted so desperately to just be able to fix everything, to make everything right again, but he couldn't. No matter which way they went there was the possibility of some kind of awful heartache that he was powerless to prevent. He hesitated for a long moment, searching her face with a soft, shaky sigh. His paw brushed her cheek again as he leaned forward and gently kissed her nose. "I... I can't ask you to carry these pups and put yourself through that kind of pain just to make sure that we can have pups down the line, that's... I can't ask you to do that." His ears folded back against his head as he spoke, dreading and hating this situation they were in.

They were being rushed and forced to consider things that they should have had all the time in the world to think about and come to a decision on together and yet here they were, backed into a corner and forced to think about the rest of their relationship. He looked down to her stomach again, hesitating before shifting his paw down to place it over hers over top her stomach. He looked at their paws stacked one over the other on her stomach, trying and failing to imagine how he was going to feel seeing her belly grow and swell with these pups that she had been cursed with. Seeing her carry these pups for weeks and weeks, only to go through the struggle of birthing them and being forced to care for these pups that would be constant reminders to them both of where they came from... no, he could never ask her to do that no matter what kind of risks were involved. She was the strongest, most resilient wolf he knew, but even she had limits and he didn't want to find what those limits were.

"I... I think you should take the herbs," he finally said quietly after a long moment of careful thought. It was difficult for him to say, but as he looked up at her, at those emerald eyes he adored, he knew it was the right call. His paw curled around hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. "You are what's important to me. If we get lucky and we're able to have our own pups one day when we're ready for them then that would be great... If not at least I will have you with me for the rest of our lives... I will love you regardless of what happens, but I can't just sit by and watch you suffer through this pregnancy and... and whatever we have to do for these pups after..." He sighed, brushing his muzzle against hers gently. "Ultimately... it's your body and it should be your decision... Whatever you decide, I'm going to be with you through it all."

"Syanna & Ezra"

Syanna felt like she was holding her breath from the moment she finished explaining the options and risks to Ezra. Her boyfriend's hard, scrutinizing expression while he considered and weighed the possibilities seemed to go on for ages, his icy gaze shifting from her down to her belly and then back up again. Syanna appreciated the fact that he was thinking so heavily on this—it was a weighty decision for them to make—but the anticipation was crushing her beneath the pressure of it all. What would he decide was important to him? Would he choose a guaranteed future to have a family with her at the expense of growing and possibly dying birthing her rapist's pups? Would he think sacrificing a future of children and grandchildren was worth sparing her the physical pain and mental anguish of going through this ordeal? It was truly an impossible scenario for them both, one she could not make the decision on alone. She needed Ezra now more than ever.

When Ezra did finally speak, his words shocked her. Verdant eyes blinked wide, gazing up at him in disbelief. He was really going to sacrifice his chance at being a father and continuing on his family's bloodline just to protect her from the trauma these unwanted children would bring her? Could she really let him be this self-sacrificing? Ezra explained how he couldn't ask her to go through with this just to make sure they could have pups down the line, then rested his paw over hers on her belly and told her to take the herbs. "Ezra..." she sighed in incredulous disbelief. He was far too good for her... "If we do this, it could mean the end of your family." She knew how important family was to the Adravendi man. There was little chance any of his siblings would be carrying on their family, so it fell to Ezra. Ulric had never pushed them towards carrying on the bloodline, but she saw how important family was to both of them. Deep down in all wolves, the innate drive to carry on their family names was a hardcoded genetic instinct. Ezra was willing to deny all of that and risk the Adravendis going extinct to protect her.

Ezra ultimately left the decision up to her, but he had been so stalwart in his reasoning that Syanna knew there would be no attempting to change his mind. He was fixated on her and her alone, not some fantasies of what could be years in the future. She worried that perhaps he wasn't thinking far enough ahead or looking at the big picture and how this would affect things, but she wouldn't push him. Time was a factor, and if they were going to terminate the pregnancy, they needed to do it soon. The longer they waited, the worse it would be. Swallowing hard, Syanna nodded her head slowly, then gently began to untangle herself from his embrace. "Wait here," she told him in gentle tones, sliding gracefully off the bed and slipping out of their room to head down to the pharmacy storage. It only took her a few minutes to sneak in, gather up all the materials she required, then sneak back upstairs and into their room. Syanna dumped the myriad of plants onto her worktable and began to grind them up in a pestle and mortar. She worked in silence, saying nothing while melancholy hung heavy in her eyes. Agrimony, wintergreen, and khat all went in, followed by two small petals of wolfsbane. Once all the plants were ground down, she opened a water skin and filled the bowl, stirring until the liquid had changed from clear to a dark green. A tentative sniff confirmed the mixture was ready.

Syanna took a slow breath to steel her nerves, gazing down at the concoction like it were a poison—and in many ways, it was. This drink would be her ticket to being free of her assault for good, but the cost it required had yet to be determined. With shaking paws, Syanna took hold of the stone bowl, then turned to face Ezra. She peered up at him with nervousness in her eyes. "This is it..." She lifted the bowl, bringing it closer to her muzzle, but hesitating just an inch away. Once she swallowed, there would be no going back. Green eyes flickered up to her lover's face from beneath her lashes one last time. She had to be absolutely certain. "Are you sure...?" Though she didn't finish the question, it lingered in the silence. Was he sure he wanted to give up his future family? Was he sure he wanted to take that risk?

When Ezra confirmed his certainty for her, Syanna nodded and took another deep breath. Here goes nothing... Bottom's up. Syanna drank down the herby decoction with a few deep swallows, trying to down it all before she could taste it. As she swallowed the last gulp, she gagged on the flavor, but managed to keep it down. The vixen fae could swear she felt the liquid seeping down her throat to her belly, and then a growing warmth began to radiate outward from her stomach, growing hotter and hotter by the minute. "You might not want to stay for this part. It's not going to be pleasant," she said to Ezra while she began to go about the room, gathering up the water skin that was half full and carrying it over to the bed along with a few extra pillows. "It shouldn't take long. A few minutes to kick in, then the side effects should last a couple of hours. Every fae is different, so my symptoms might vary. But I'll get through it." Steeling herself for what was to come, Syanna brought an empty bucket over beside the bed, then hopped up onto the mattress and settled into the pillows, waiting for the inevitable first wave of pain to hit her. If she was going to suffer this, she was at least going to be comfortable during it.

"Syanna & Ezra"

When she warned him that this could mean the end of their family he simply gave a grim nod of understanding. He knew that there was a very real possibility that if things went badly then they could never have children, that he would possibly be the end of the Adravendi line as they knew it, but he was willing to take that risk. Maybe it was short sighted of him, maybe it was a decision made purely out of his deep, unending love for her rather than logic, but he didn't care. He hadn't been able to protect her from the bastard that had done this, he hadn't been able to prevent any of the torment she had gone through so far, but he could at lest do something to help prevent her from facing this pregnancy that neither of them wanted. He could prevent any more of that wolf's spawn to be out in the world. He could just hope that maybe luck would eventually be on their side and they could go on to have a family one day regardless.

She told him to wait here and she slipped out of the room, leaving him there for a few minutes in the silence of their bedroom with his own thoughts. He got up from the bed, sitting in the middle of the room while he waited for her, his claws picking anxiously at the stone under foot. Eventually she did return with a bundle of different herbs he couldn't name and he just followed her quietly as she went over to her worktable and started assembling them all together into a bowl to be crushed up for this deadly medicine. He tried his best to be as resolute and sure as he could be when she looked up at him with her nervousness written all over her face. He understood that this wasn't the easy way out between the two options, but neither option were ideal. Either way there was going to be pain and suffering, but this felt like the best way to ensure Syanna's safety in the long run. He gave her a nod when she asked if he was sure and he watched as she downed the concoction in a few big gulps. When she gagged on the last swallow his ears pulled back against his skull and he reached for her, gently rubbing her back until he was sure she had it down.

A frown tugged at his lips when she told him that he might not want to stay and that it wasn't going to be pleasant, but before he could say anything she started hurrying around the room, collecting more supplies and bringing them all over to the bed—a water skin, extra pillows... and a bucket. He was at a loss as she shifted into this mode of no nonsense intensity as she took all of this onto herself. He followed her over to the bed, watching as she got settled into the pillows before he climbed up as well, settling in behind her to support her and kissing the back of her ears. "You should know better than to think I'm just going to leave you alone though this," he told her. "I know you're strong, I know you can do this on your own, I know you'll get through it, but... I'm here for you. You don't have to do this by yourself... We're a partnership. Your pain is my pain." He kissed her cheek, adding, "If there's anything I can do please tell me. Otherwise... I'm here for you."

"Syanna & Ezra"

Focusing on her work and cutting out all emotions was the only way Syanna could function without having a panic attack. She'd seen what this process could do to a woman, had seen others go through it firsthand during her healer training in her birth pack. She knew what to expect, but even then, it scared her. She didn't want to be scared and she didn't want Ezra to see her scared. So she hid the anxiety behind a mask of seriousness, going through the motions she'd rehearsed time and time again with other faes. Now it seemed she would be her own patient. Despite her suggestion for him to leave, Ezra once more proved how pigheaded and stubborn he was when he climbed up behind her and settled in to comfort her through the process. Syanna flinched a little as an initial spike of pain in her belly informed her that the tonic had arrived at its destination. Ezra reassured her that he was going to go through this with her; they were a partner ship now. Then he asked if there was anything he could do. Syanna just cringed inward and squeezed her eyes shut.

"Just don't hate me when it's all over..." she murmured. A simple request, but a heavy one. She didn't want Ezra to grow scornful of her if this ended up destroying her reproductive system. She'd also seen too many partnerships ended in such a way, with a derisive husband abandoning his barren wife for one that could bear him children. Ezra's words were kind and sweet now, but as time and instinct tested their relationship, would his vow hold true when the biological urge to reproduce came calling?

For a while, nothing happened. The two wolves lay in bed in near silence while Syanna waited out the process. Every so often her paw would drift to her stomach, feeling a cramp or twinge that made her wince from the sudden discomfort. Then it hit her. Her insides twisted about, sharp stabbing pains lancing through her belly so strong she doubled over with gritted teeth. Syanna gasped for breath, the air knocked from her lungs while she fought her way through. If Ezra did anything to try to comfort her, she didn't notice. After some time of this, her stomach churned and wave after wave of intense nausea came over her. She tried to keep herself steady, but it was a losing battle. Syanna leaned over the edge of the bed and hurled the contents of her stomach into the bucket, twice. The water skin helped her clean the taste of bile from her mouth, but even that tested her stomach's ability to keep the water down. The pain intensified, leaving Syanna whining and clawing at the bed sheets. Fire burned through her muscles, radiating out from her core as she felt like a red hot poker had been shoved inside of her. Her face grimaced and contorted against the agony, teeth gritted and bared as she bore the torture. At no point did she find reprieve, the vixen-colored fae writhing about on the bed as she did everything she could to try to muddle her way through. There was no backing out now. She would have to endure.

The process lasted for just over two hours. When it finally began to subside, Syanna's breathing was labored and short, and every muscle in her body ached, but her core especially felt sore and tender. The poison had burned its way through her and done its job—at least she hoped it had. They would only know in a couple of days' time if it worked, when all symptoms of her pregnancy would either stop or continue. Syanna was mostly quiet while she lay there in the aftermath, her body shivering from the painful exertion all of her muscles had just gone through. She felt drained, physically, mentally, and emotionally. It had been one of the most grueling and terrible ordeals she had every been though, and that was including nearly being killed by her own family or raped and drowned by the monster in the forest. A part of her felt like it had been killed, yet there was some relief mixed in with the pain. She wouldn't have to grow and birth the monster's offspring. That chapter was over now, written, closed, and done. But now there was a new worry lingering in the back of her mind: what if she had just killed the Adravendi family? Tears misted the corners of her eyes while Syanna just lay in the mess of pillows and sheets, turned up from her thrashing, staring blankly into oblivion while she tried and failed to not go down that road in her head. There was still a hope that perhaps she'd recover fully intact, but the little lingering doubt that she may have just burned the bridge to motherhood forever could not be exiled from her heart.

"Syanna & Ezra"

What little of his heart that might have still been intact by this point was shattered when Syanna's only request from him was to not hate her when this was all over. His ears folded back and he gave her a gentle squeeze, nuzzling against her cheek. He wanted to reassure her that he could never hate her, that nothing was ever going to waver the way he felt about her, but he knew that she probably wouldn't believe him. He could only stay here with her and be whatever kind of support he could possibly offer to her while she continued to suffer and it tore at his chest in a way he couldn't really describe. It was just silence and waiting for a while and he would just stroke his paw over her forehead and back or give her gentle reassurances and affections. He had no idea what to expect, but he wasn't going anywhere. He was going to see this through to the end for her.

Then, all at once, everything seemed to hit her. The obvious pain she was in made him wince, his ears pinned back against his head as he tried to just hold her and support her while he could until she leaned over the bed to throw up violently a couple of times. His paw rubbed between her shoulders while she wretched and he helped her with the water skin so she could get a drink, but in the end he still felt useless and helpless against the forces that were tearing her apart from the inside out. He began to wonder if this was really better than having her go through the pregnancy and bearing the pups from all of this, but at least they had the small solace of knowing that once this was over it would really be over. Whether or not she would be able to have kids after this was the farthest thing from his mind. He could only think about the love of his life that was writhing and struggling through this as her body rejected what it was attempting to grow thanks to the deadly concoction she drank.

Throughout the two hours that this went on seemingly without end Ezra tried and failed to soothe her, to find her any kind of comfort, and eventually he just settled for being with her and at least making sure that she didn't wind up sliding off the bed in her throws of pain. It wasn't until she finally fell still with just the short, shallow breaths and the shivers of her worn out, aching muscles that he could gently slip his forelegs around her again, pulling her ever so gently against him while he peppered her face and neck with tender kisses. He kissed away the tears that started to form in her eyes, his chest tight with his own emotion that he couldn't even begin to address. "You are the strongest woman I've ever known and will ever know," he told her quietly against her ear in the silence and aftermath of it all. "I swear to you, no matter what happens, I am always going to love you. I know you won't believe me right now, but I'm going to prove it to you. I promise." He held her to his chest, letting her rest and recover for as long as she needed, only caring about what she needed and nothing else.

"Syanna & Ezra"

When it was all said and done, Syanna just felt empty and hollow inside, like all the life inside her had been siphoned out into oblivion. There was the briefest moment of relief that it was over—the pregnancy, the procedure, everything—but in its place had come guilt and disgust at herself, still fully taking all the blame for what had happened. She had been the victim, yet she had now been the cause of all the devastation that followed. Her life had been changed and she had been damaged, possibly irreparably. Ezra's embrace just made her feel worse, even with the warmth of him chasing the chill out of her weary muscles. She didn't deserve him. He didn't deserve this hell or the choices she'd forced him to make. It was a shit situation with the worst outcomes and there would be no winners here. All she could hope and pray for now was that she wasn't completely ruined for him.

Ezra began to kiss her tears away, but Syanna just closed her eyes and blocked everything out mentally as she gave in to her defeat. He called her strong, but she'd never felt weaker. He vowed to always love her, no matter what happened, but he couldn't promise her that. It was easy to say those words in the moment, when the thought of fatherhood was so far flung into the future and his only priority right now was her. How would he feel in a couple of years, when all his friends and family started having families of their own and he'd be stuck with her and just her. "You don't have to prove anything to me..." she mumbled under her breath, tensing in his arms while he clutched her to his chest. She hated herself so much in this moment, not because of what she'd endured, but because she felt like she was now tearing him down with her. If he was smart, he would have left her. But Ezra had never been the smartest wolf she knew. His heart was too big for his own good. Syanna breathed a fatigued sigh, letting her exhausted body rest into the bed and her boyfriend. "I love you, you dopey boy..."

"Syanna & Ezra"