After speaking with Sedna, Raijin knew what he needed to do. He hadn’t felt so nervous since the birth of his litter, and in a way, this was much the same. There was a possibility he was gaining two new children, ones he’d failed for their entire lives. They probably hated him, and for good reason, but if they were his then he would take responsibility in that moment. If they wanted nothing to do with him other than that of a packmate…well, he wasn’t entirely sure he could accept it, but he would try and respect their wishes.

The man had set up tea in the living room of his hut that the two men had helped build, the surroundings quiet as Sedna had taken the kids out for an activity to give him privacy. He stared at the steam coming from the teapot, his golden eyes closing as he took a deep breath before lifting his head and sending out a howl for the duo.

"Speech"

Raijin? Now that was strange. The howl rang out into the deepest depths of the bamboo maze, the ones where Usagi had been limp-walking just for some activity while he was unable to do his normal duties. His ears perked, mossy eyes sharpening. The pain of his broken ankle left him in an even deeper, more foul mood than before, and it was already abrasive. Now this man, the one who asked him and his brother to build a hut for him and his family, was asking for the two of them. Together. The very doubts he had, the suspicions he had based on the man's appearance and knowing Hattori - being his cousin and all - made his stomach twist into knots. Swallowing back the nearly two years of harsh, fiery words he had saved for the moment he felt so this would be, the young man awkwardly shifted his body around, and hobbled his way towards the hut. His white-hot temper, the fiery anger, the bitterness, the hatred - two years of it - burned his aura so thickly you could almost feel the burning heat radiate off of him. Chartreuse eyes met the bob-tailed man with a rage he was fighting poorly to contain in his tense muscles and wrinkled brow. It was going to be some talk, from the silence of a childless living room, to the freshly brewed tea on the table before him. He should've known it was true. So obvious. He and Kuroo knew it, knew it in their fucking bones. Now, they just needed Raijin to say what had been torturing the minds of the two brothers for years. That ripped them from their homeland. That forced them to wander. Forced them to wonder why they were forgotten so easily. How convenient for him at that time, he thought, swallowing to ease the tightness of his throat as he silently approached, closer, but keeping some distance from the older koi. He slowly sat himself down, wincing as he tried not to bear weight upon his ankle as he did so. And he waited. Staring at Raijin with an intensity for a moment he'd waited for, nearly died for, fought for. ”Speech”  ’Thought’

One could say that Kuroo took after Raijin more than his broody brother. On the outside, he was charming and friendly. All smiles and good moods. If he wasn't out at the bay taking care of his net, he was with the pups or Sedna learning what he could, or he was helping tend to his brother's injury. His heart tore after he had found out about the incident, but there was no sense in being furious about it. Hattori had taken care of the pirate who had been so careless and cruel to his brother. Those nights since the injury, Kuroo had made sure to be home to care for Usagi, even when he held back the tears.

Because on the inside, his own feelings were in turmoil. The more time he spent around Raijin, Sedna, and the pups, the more he yearned to have a father of his own. Of course, he held the same suspicion as Usagi did because why would their mother lie about who had fathered them? It was those thoughts that were on his mind as he held back his emotions while he reeled in his latest catch. Fish flopped wildly on the shore when the not-quite-so familiar call of Raijin rang out through the bamboo. It was not often that the dire man beckoned them so it must be important. Hesitating for a moment as he inhaled a deep breath, Kuroo debated what he really should do.

After a moment, he carefully selected a few good-looking fish, strapped them to a pole, and took off toward the living quarters. Unfortunately, he had taken too long and already his fiery brother was there. Even from the outside, he could feel the emotion pouring from the entrance of the hut. Taking one more deep breath, Kuroo entered with a timid and hesitant expression. Without a word, he hoisted the fish up onto hooks so they could dry out from the smoke of the fire nearby.

Turning to the other two males, he assessed the situation. Taking his own seat beside Usagi, his pale gaze turned toward Raijin. Even with his heart slamming into his chest, threatening to burst out, he wanted to embrace his brother and Raijin. Through the resentment, the longing, and the years of imagining having a father, it didn't seem as if Raijin didn't care about them. It almost seemed as if he was upset to not have known. Had their mother not been entirely truthful? Silence drifted between them, making him uncomfortable, unable to take it any longer.

"So can I, uh, have a cup before it gets cold?" His mouth is dry, his eyes were watering as he leaned a shoulder against his brother. Hoping to keep the rage settled to a calm storm, Kuroo kept his gaze on Raijin.

"Speech"

WordsUsagi was the first to arrive, an anger and disdain emanating from him so palpable that it took his breath away. He hadn’t known about the two men, but he couldn’t allow himself to let that be an excuse. His actions had consequences, even if they were born from his own internal strife, and they had cause two boys to grow up not knowing that their father loved them, to not have him in their lives. He knew the pain of an absent parent to an extent, but not to which they did. Therefore, he couldn’t bring himself to feel anger or annoyance of his own at the emotions portrayed by the floppy eared man.
Kuroo arrived a few minutes later, the stench of fish wafting with him indicating he’d been fishing as he almost always did. They man seemed to practically live by the water and he was pretty sure he supplied Tojo-kai with most of their fish supply. He had talent, and, now that Raijin looked back on it, he supposed he possessed some of his own mannerisms. He wondered what he hid behind his hesitant smile, placed firmly even in the uncomfortable air. The Genji man’s heart ached to think it could be anything like what he hid behind his.

As Kuroo sat, asking if he could have some tea, Raijin nodded immediately. “Of course, I made it for you two. If you want it,” he replied, hastily adding on the ending. He watched as the spotted man poured himself a cup, allowing the time to collect his thoughts more fully. “I called you here for a few reasons. The first, as a long overdue thank you for helping build the structure we’re in now. Kuroo, I stopped by a trader as promised and acquired some spices for your fish.” His golden eyes went to his Akita companion, who clutched a large pouch in his jaws. The Akita brought over the pouch and placed it on the table, to which Raijin pushed toward Kuroo. “Inside, you’ll find vials of Shichimi Togarashi, Aonori, Furikake, Sansho pepper, and Wasabi. I know firsthand how difficult it can be to find more authentic Japanese spices here, so I thought I would find something more suited to your palate,” he said, a closed-mouth grin lifting the corners of his mouth.

His eyes went to Usagi next, almost unsure if he wanted to speak at all. But whatever the man had to say, he would take it. “And for you, I haven’t forgotten about the favor. If you want to take me up on it now, I’m at your disposal. If not, it stands as long as I draw breath.” Raijin met the man’s eyes, steady and clear. It wasn’t a dare and there was no hostility, but more so out of respect. It was to let him know that he was prepared for whatever he wanted of him.

"Speech"

Usagi’s flames were briefly quelled by his brother’s arrival, big smile and fishy stench distinctly defining his presence. It couldn’t be anyone else. It broke the intensity kf the silent, if only for a few seconds, as even Kuroo was struggling beneath the positivity his expressions and mannerisms portrayed. Even now, hunched over and intense and brooding as he was, feeling Roo’s shoulder press against his own brought back a wave of an emotion he’d pushed so deep down the surface it had to crawl back up into his throat in the form of tightness. Sadness. His brother had taken care of him during his injury, nursing his broken spirit. He kept him afloat during their journey, through all the darkest thoughts and emotions they’d felt over the lack of father figure their entire lives. A piece of their existence, heritage, blood..lost. Roo was the only semblance of true blood, true family he had. And he clutched that idea so tightly he’d have rather died than left it go. Or let his brother go. Usagi’s brow relaxed, the subtle clouding over of his gaze suggesting a shift in his bitter mood. That sadness. That painful, lonely, void of pure sadness. Sadness at seeing Sedna and Raijin’s pups loved by both parents, present in their lives with no intentions of leaving them behind. No sudden fling spurred by booze and drink that would spawn real lives, real people that had to cope with the fact that their blood-related father was never going to be in their lives, and had no care to. Until now. Forcing himself to swallow again, this time finding it harder like the lump that built, he relaxed his body, shoulders slumping. He briefly flickered his gaze towards Kuroo, finding his eyes watering. His thorn-wrapped heart tore to pieces at his brother’s shared pain. It wasn’t fair. This shouldn’t have happened. This conversation shouldn’t have had to happen. It wasn’t fair, wasn’t fair, wasn’t fair. His pain-wrenched glance was only interrupted as Raijin spoke, instead talking about the incentives he’d given them for helping to build the hut in which they now sat. Usagi almost felt disappointed, having worked himself up to a pivotal moment only for this to be the current topic. He just wanted a clear answer. Alas, his brother received the spices he had requested, and Usagi’s nose involuntarily twitched at the scents of their homeland. The names were vaguely familiar - dod their mother cook some dishes with those same spices? He said nothing, nothing immediately when the saber-toothed koi faced him with his own request. A favor. Yes, Usagi hadn’t wanted anything physical. He wanted a favor repaid. Silence settled over them, a pause so thick it felt like a heavy fog obscuring their minds. The hohei had long considered the favor, turning it over and over like a stone in one’s palm. What did he want? What could he say? He knew Raijin had to confirm, had to say it himself. But he couldn’t stop himself from saying the one goddamn thing he wanted to stay in his life. He hated this man, his blood boiled at the sight of his tusks, his bob tail, his cocky mannerisms and scarlet-black splotching. But if he was their father, and truly was committed..well, then he just had to say it. It took a good long while for Usagi to force down the lump in his throat, force away the watering in his eyes. But it was too much. What the hell was this now, why did he feel so sad on top of angry? Finally, with a strained, cracked tone, he faced Raijin with his pained mossy gaze that said the words he wanted to say. Don’t go. "My only favor I ask of you is.." He paused, cursing himself for being this way. But the floodgates were opened, the dam he’d meticulously built for all this time had fallen, given way. A pathetically built dam could never contain what turmoil he and his brother experienced. The tears were silent, running down his cheeks in an unending trickle. The drops pattered the woven floor, one by one. "..don’t leave us. Don’t leave again." No sobbing, no wild displays of emotion. Just a wide stare of a young man who’d suddenly become a terrified child, afraid of losing more than they’s already lost. ”Speech”  ’Thought’

He felt the slumping of his brother's body against his shoulder. That was something he expected. No matter the moment, the time, or the day, there was nothing their brotherly bond couldn't do. There were no words needed. Not even a glance in the same direction. As long as they were in the same room together, occupying the same space, their minds and hearts were linked. This time, though, Kuroo refused to let his brother meet his gaze. While tears threatened to spill in both good and bad ways, Kuroo wasn't sure what he wanted from all of this. Did he want Raijin to accept them as his sons? Did he want Raijin to tell the new pups that they had older siblings? Did he want to be included? Or did he want all the time missed back? Ultimately, his whole being wanted nothing more than to have a father.

From the day they had met Hattori Hanzo, they were sure that the man sitting in front of them was indeed their father. That was something their mother had not lied about. Were they ready to accept that? Had what she told them been the whole truth? Were there pieces missing that they didn't know about? These questions scratched at the back of his brain. Trying to keep his emotions at bay, Kuroo picked up the teapot as gently as he could and poured himself and Usagi a small cup while his mind reeled. Knowing his brother wouldn't touch it didn't matter, it was what brothers did. Even as he brought the cup to his lips to take a sip, his brain grew foggy as the words from Raijin's lips muddled into almost incomprehensive. Kuroo's eyes closed a moment, unable to understand what Raijin had gifted to him.

The taste of the tea as it splashed over his tongue reminded him of home. Stopping his mind in its tracks as memories flooded back to him. Reminding him of the lonely nights his mother had. Of the times when both he and Usagi gave her so much trouble she wished they had a father to scold them. A manly figure in the home to put them in their place. Not that the brothers were heathens, but boys were boys, and trouble they did bring. More tears bubbled along the edges of his lashes, threatening to spill as the mixing scent of spices permeated his nose. Setting down the cup with shaking paws, he looked at Raijin before looking down at the sack of spices. Surprise and anguish swirled together as he realized that Raijin was doing good on his part of the favor. Spices from home.

Shichimi Togarashi, Aonori, Furikake, Sansho pepper, and Wasabi. The familiar scents flooded him with more memories, more than he could handle. Those times when they would watch their friends be escorted home at dinner time by their fathers. How they would watch the other pups learn how to fight and how to hunt with the male figures in their life that were closest to them. They hadn't had that. All of their skills were poorly taught by their mother, loosely picked up by an uncle, or they managed on their own. One might say that an uncle would be good enough to replace the role of a father, but to the brothers, it never was. There was always that divide, that knowing that the uncle would ultimately go home to his own pups and raise them. Why had life been so cruel to them? Was he to blame Raijin for being absent? Or was he to blame their mother? Had she tried to tell him? Or had she kept her pregnancy a secret?

Still somersaulting within his own mind as he reached a paw to tightly clutch the spices, his body trembled quietly. Shudders rolled down his spine as he fought to stay in place. How could this man have avoided them their whole life but be so kind to them now? This all had to be some huge mistake or misunderstanding. Even when his brother managed to request his favor be that Raijin never leaves them, Kuroo barely heard him. The bag of spices nearly crumbled in the grip of his paw as he fought back every emotion that was flooding him. The pain, the heartbreak, the loneliness, the longing, the anger. It wasn't like him to feel these things. Nothing bothered him much. He was the level-headed, cool, calm, and collected brother that made sure Usagi didn't get his ass kicked.

But here he was now, contemplating throwing the spices at Raijin. Why now? Why did the dire man feel as if this were a good fucking time to turn in the favor from when they built the hut? Why did the Kaicho do that to them? Confusion laced his furrowed brows as water began staining the pale of his cheeks. Without thought, Kuroo stood and turned toward the entrance of the hut. Inhaling a deep breath, he brought the bag of spices outside and quickly handed them to his new companion, Saru. Silently, the golden-faced monkey understood and swiftly took the favor into the shadows of the maze. Letting the questions and thoughts and shouts in his head let go into oblivious so he could clear his mind, Kuroo wanted to scream.

It was then that he let the sobs flow freely from within. Silent and painful, he forced his body to relieve itself of the emotions that had built up inside. Clenching his jaw as tight as he could, his chest wheezed in and out as he let it all go. There was no sense in being angry. He wasn't angry. No, he was lost. He was terrified. He still longed for that father that he and his brother had always hoped for. And he wasn't going to miss out on it now. Turning back around to return not a few minutes later, Kuroo took his seat once more beside Usagi and let his red-rimmed eyes get a good look at Raijin. "Our mother did not reveal her first name to us, but our familial name is Shima. If that rings any bells, please, we need to know if we were kept a secret from you or not," Kuroo could only find the words in Japanese as his dry mouth sought out another sip of tea.

"Speech"

Raijin could see the love between the brothers as clear as day, with the way that they instinctively gravitated toward each other to protect themselves from the hurt that rolled from them. He’d shared that love with his own brother, his twin. Takemikazuchi had been for him, in a way, what Kuroo was to Usagi. Though Raijin had never been a spitfire, he had been bold, and he had been rambunctious, and he’d rubbed Hattori in all of the wrong ways. His brother had been the mediator between the three of them, and had talked Raijin out of too many stupid pranks or decisions to remember clearly. He’d been the sun, and Raijin a planet, warmed by his life giving light, forever gravitating around him. Until he couldn’t anymore. Until that light had been ripped away from him and he’d been slingshotted into infinity, drifting in the cold with nothing to anchor him. Hell, he still felt like that sometimes. There was a hole in him that would never be filled, even with all the love he received because he’d lost a part of his very own soul the day Take had died.

Both men had gone silent upon his offerings, and he watched with alarm as Kuroo picked up the spices and began to scurry away like he was leaving right as Usagi spoke words that punched him in the gut so hard that he took in an audible breath. The floppy eared man, previously so hardy and angry, and still partially the latter, looked much like Raijin’s youngest pups did when they had a bad dream and didn’t want to be alone. He could have even sworn that they’d said the same words. If the Genji man had been standing, he would have stumbled under the weight of the emotions that flooded him.

Usagi was pleading with him to stay, to not leave, the unspoken words again echoing into the air and a rare occurrence happened. Raijin was lost for words. His jaw opened and closed, floundering, trying to work through what he was feeling and all the things he suddenly wanted to say in that moment. Then Kuroo came back in, his cheeks wet and his eyes red from crying, he dropped another bombshell. Shima.

Yes, he knew that name. She’d been one of his Aunt’s lady’s maids, scarcely a bit older than him. He’d never talked to her much, but she’d always been in the background, catering to the pale woman’s needs of her day-to-day life. He vaguely brought a face to mind, but it was foggy. A splattering of gray and white, pretty, as all lady’s maids were, but not outstanding. Intelligent pink eyes, lowered beneath dark lashes, bowing to Kiyo, then to him in another moment, then beneath him in another…then…oh shit.

His golden eyes closed as he took in another shuddering breath, his tongue working to find the words in his mouth. “I…yes. I know the name, I know your mother…though not well,” he grimaced while saying the last part. “But, I didn’t know about either of you. Not until today, when Hattori hinted at it. If I had known, I wouldn’t have left.” He wouldn’t have…right? God, everything had been so fucked up right after the night of their conception. The ambush, Take’s death, Hattori’s supposed death, his drunken attack on the Shogun, only to be nearly killed himself in a stupid, planless rage. Raijin had been so far from himself that he wasn’t sure what he would or wouldn’t have done, and that, perhaps, hurt even more.

“I am…so sorry. So much more sorry than you can even fathom. And I know sorry can never make it better, or if it ever will be better, but…god, I don’t even know what to say. You deserve more than a sorry excuse for a man rambling when I’m sure you’ve wanted answers for so long. I’ll give them to you, whatever I can and whatever I know and whatever I have, it’s yours.” His voice was thick and, without realizing, tears of his own had started to fall from his eyes. They traveled down his cheeks, trailing along the large scar on the left side of his face. The salt within dried the sensitive skin there, irritating it and causing it to itch and burn, but he did nothing about it. He deserved the pain, needed the reminder of another stupid mistake he’d made in his life.

"Speech"

Usagi lowered his head as Kuroo accepted the spices given to him, but not happily. He’d always seen his brother as an even-keeled, balanced person - the steady anchor in Usagi’s turbulent sea of anger and impulsive rage. It was Raijin’s words and actions in this moment, however, that seemed to break Kuroo’s dam as well. Usagi’s mossy eyes, watery and red-rimmed themselves, cast themselves to the floor as Roo momentarily left. His heart felt like it was crumpling into a tiny ball when he scarcely picked up his brother’s muffled sobs from outside. There was so much to process, and so little they felt they knew this far. Their whole journey, from the time they left Iga, had been an emotional and mental toll on them both, far more than any physical strain. Even he believed, for a few moments, that his brother had up and gone, not wanting to hear any more of what was an immensly difficult conversation - but upon hearing his heavy, sorrowful footfalls into the hut, he almost felt some relief. Relief that Kuroo had not left him alone with Raijin. Not leaving him alone to deal with this. All of it. This time, Usagi would press his shoulder against his sibling’s. He needed comfort and support. They both did. He didn’t even flinch, even after his own favor he asked of their father had clearly taken a massive effect on the tusked man’s ability to respond. He said what he said, meant what he meant. He preferred not to speak if he didn’t have to, but he would most surely make an impact right where it hurt if it meant he was clear he wasn’t about to let him, or Kuroo, be abandoned again. Once Kuroo mentioned their mother’s last name - Shima - that at least gave way for more explanation, explanation that was much overdue. When Raijin revealed he did know their mother, but not well, it struck a sore spot within his chest. So he’d barely gotten to know their mother. Their mother, who’d worked so hard, so tirelessly, so selflessly just so they had food in their bellies and a roof over their heads. Suddenly, a fresh bubbling of tears filled his eyes. She deserved more than someone who just wanted a quick fling for one night and then disappear. She was worth so much more than that. And then the apology began, him being sorry and him recognizing that saying so would never be enough. Usagi believed that all too well. For the Hohei, words meant little if unaccompanied by actions. Actions spoke louder than words, and Raijin’s presence would need to be a factor in whether or not he chose to fully forgive the man for being absent in their lives. Whether or not he knew they existed after being with their mother didn’t matter so much that, after the fact, why did he not follow up? Especially when she became pregnant with the two? It hurt. Suddenly the throbbing in his ankle was overwhelmed by the tightness in his chest and his throat and the steady trickle of tears that soaked the fur on his cheeks and wet his jaw. And suddenly, Raijin himself was crying. He, too, didn’t sob so much as silently let the tears fall. Usagi felt another throb in his chest, realizing that they weren’t so astronomically, impossibly different. They were two different sides of the same coin, in some ways. Nothing like him personality-wise, but the smallest quirks in his behavior, the way he carried himself, the way he spoke. Swallowing back a wad of mucus, the Hohei huffed and sniffed, almost angrily rubbing his face of the tears on his shoulder before lifting his head again. The floor was open for answers, anything and everything. And in that moment, all the curses and swears and angry speeches Usagi had spent months, hours, minutes conducting and rehearsing in his head, over and over with such flaming hatred had dissipated like dust in the air. Gone. He was at a loss for words, too. "I wish you had never left us," He stated the obvious, but that much was true. Terrified child in the dark, only wanting some small semblance of comfort that wouldn’t disappear. That the very stars of hope he clutched so close wouldn’t slip from his grasp. Don’t leave. Don’t go. Don’t forget us. We’re your sons, too. ”Speech”  ’Thought’

Kuroo did not know if anything had perspired during the moments he had stolen outside. His bag of spices was in safe paws back at their den by now thanks to his new monkey companion, Saru. Secretly, he needed time to process everything. How was he supposed to feel? Betrayed? Hurt? Lost? Happy? Glad that their father was so accepting of them? He had to be the level-headed, sensible one, right? That's who he was. He was the charmer, the diplomat, the one who could talk anyone out of trouble. Yet, all he wanted to do was cry. Even as he held back more tears and felt the firm press of his brother's shoulder against his, he tried to ignore the stinging itch that covered his face.

Nearly blinded by the well of tears in his pale eyes and deafened by the parade of thoughts in his brain, Kuroo almost didn't register any of the words breathed by Raijin or Usagi. There was nothing to say now. They had to move on. They had to believe Raijin was being truthful. How could he not be as the man's own tears trailed the long scar across his face? Now that he looked upon their father, he saw the similarities. Not in appearance, but in personality. There was no denying the truth. Deep down, he felt the sting of dislike toward their Kaicho for keeping information from them, but would it have been his place? There was another sting of pain toward their mother. How could she have kept them a secret from Raijin?

Was this the same Raijin that had attacked the shogun? Their mother had been working there at the time... Would this really be how all of their puzzle pieces fell together? Reality and understanding were beginning to settle back in as he let his chin shake softly at his brother's words. Pressing gently against Usagi's shoulder, he inhaled deeply. "Do not make him feel any more guilty than the tears staining his cheeks already do," Kuroo murmurs quietly before he leans away to take another sip of tea. Anything to wet his throat and help clear his head. Leveling his gaze with Raijin, he sets his jaw, ready to be stern with their newfound father.

"We only request that you accept us as you do your new litter and try to include us in your life from now on," it was the nicest way he could ask for them to never be deserted again. He was the level-headed and sensible brother, remember? No matter how much he wanted to slump into a pile with his brother and sob for the rest of the night, he had to stay strong.

"Speech"