All she had wanted was to get her way into the Hallows. Once Briar had told her of the pack, and what she would find here it had been her dream. Joining the pack had kept her busy as she build a small garden and learned to cook. But as the days wore on to weeks and months she found herself feeling oddly disjointed to her life. Like she was a spector, looking in to the lives of others. She watched as wolves around her found love, and built their lives. She felt like she stood on the outskirts of it all. She wasn't sure what she wanted, or how to break through. Sometimes, it felt like a part of her wanted to scream at the stillness of her life. To scream "look at me, I'm here, I exist!" Sometimes it felt like her entire life would amount to nothing.

She had expected to find a version of heaven here in the Hallows, yet all she she felt was a sw sensation of drowning. She awoke often to night terrors. Rising sweating and shaking and making her way to her little garden. Digging in the soft soil in the wee hours of the morning, simply trying to _feel_ something. Who was she? Who was Idalia? And it frightened her that she didn't know.

It was one such night that found her out there now. Digging her paws through the damp earth. Grounding herself, as through planting a Lia-shaped tree. She shook a little, a cool wind whooshing through her coat, but it wasn't the cold that affected her.

It wasn't all that often that Briar found herself out and alone this late at night, but Artorias had taken Zephyrus out on a little father-son trip for a day or two so that left her alone in their bedroom for the night and sleep was being difficult to find. Ever since the day that Lia moved into her den with her in Armada it was a very rare occasion that she was alone at all and sometimes she thought she might like the occasional quiet and solitude, but in reality once she had it she just longed for her loved ones to be close to her again. She very much took after her father in the sense that she loved her wolves dearly and wanted to be surrounded by them always. As she was laying in bed, looking out the open window and watching the cool breeze ruffle the sheer curtains that hung around the bed, the idea crossed her mind to see if Lia might want to join her to relive the days of living in that small den that they shared for the night. A smile crossed her lips at the thought and she slipped out of bed, her tail trailing the floor as she stepped out into the hall way to make her way to Lia's room.

When she got there, however, she realized her friend and handmaiden was nowhere to be found. Her head tipped slightly and a frown replaced the smile she had been wearing a moment ago. It was awfully late so she fully expected Lia to be in bed by now so when she wasn't Briar started to get concerned. Stepping back out of the small bedroom, she tried to follow Lia's scent and that led her out of the castle and into the gardens. That's where she found Lia's fire marked form, silhouetted in the moonlight and slightly hunched as she dug at something in the dirt. Briar's brows pulled together a bit with concern as she walked over to her and as she drew closer she noticed the subtle shake that caused her friend's body to tremble as though she was cold even though the weather was very mild. Briar's ears flicked back against her head as she lifted her paw, resting it gently on Lia's shoulder to get her attention. "Lia? Are you alright?" she asked gently, settling onto her haunches with her forelegs lifted in such a way as if to invite her into an embrace if she wanted or needed it.

"Briar Carpathius"

Lia was surprised, and a little ashamed for Briar to see her in this state. She knew that her Mistress and Master had given her so much. A home and a life and safety here. She didn’t understand the feeling in her gut. This disjointed feeling of not belonging. She looked at the paw that Briar had placed on her shoulder, and offered Briar a small smile. She noticed the way the Queen sat back, and she took the invitation.

Leaning into Briar’s chest, and feeling the soft warmth of the other girls fur around her. She took a deep breath, surprised at how overwhelmed she felt there. She loved Briar, truly and it tore at her. Made her feel… ungrateful for not enjoying the life Briar had built for her. She sniffed a little, trying to find her voice. “I feel like… like I don’t know who I am. What I'm supposed to do, or be. Briar. I don’t know how to explain it.” she said, pressing a little harder into Briar’s fur


"Speech"

A soft smile pulled across her features as Lia turned her gaze toward her and took the open invitation to settle into her embrace. As soon as Lia leaned into her, Briar wrapped her forelegs around Lia’s shoulders, squeezing her affectionately while she gave Lia the space to tell her what was on her mind. What she eventually told her made her heart ache and her ears fold back with worry. Lia was obviously good at keeping her troubles to herself since Briar never would have guessed that she was feeling so uncertain and torn about her life and in a way Briar felt like she had failed her as a friend for not noticing sooner. It was easy to get caught up in the business of her daily life, but that was hardly an excuse.

“Lia…” she replied softly, giving her another squeeze as she carefully avoided her antlers to nuzzle the top of her head. “You can do or be anything you want. I’m here to support you every single step of the way no matter what you decide you want… I hope you know that.” She placed a gentle kiss between Lia’s antlers before tipping her head to try and catch Lia’s gaze with a small, encouraging smile. Lia held such a special place in her heart and she just wanted to see her sweet lady flourish into everything she knew she could be, but sometimes she struggled to figure out how to help her find her way to that. She knew it couldn’t be easy going from the life that Lia had once lived to all of this and sometimes, in moments like these, Briar was reminded just how hard it was.

"Briar Carpathius"