**TW: SADNESS, DEATH OF A PARENT, ANXIETY, BASICALLY LOTS OF EMOTIONS!**

The last week feels like a blur to the purple pup with snippets of emotion standing more than actual moments. There had been a heaviness around them, around her parents in particular as they seemed to be hiding a secret. But Andy knew something was wrong, she saw it in the way the other adults at the castle looked at her and her siblings with quiet looks of pity that she could not understand. Sure, her mother, Zee, was sick but she would get better. Sick people always got better. Oh, what a youthful folly that had been.

Maybe if their parents had talked about it more, the dark cloud that had been growing over the Fatalis family wouldn’t have seemed so foreboding. But they decided to hide the truth and, with that buried secret, came a yawning, unfathomable sense of dread. There were nights Andromeda was afraid to sleep because the feeling was palpable, like someone had settled a heavy blanket over her chest and it was difficult to breathe. She would startle awake, at other times, with her heart thundering in her chest as she searched for something that was missing but would find everyone there.

The days leading up to Zee’s passing had become oppressive, the feeling almost choking her even when in the presence of her family. Andy noticed that, everyone she talked to at the castle was… off. Whether in their words that seemed too forced or the smiles that not quite reach their eyes, she knew something was… off. That is when the dread become a physical wedge of fear that lodged itself in her stomach. Food tasted like ash and, even what she was able to choke it down for appearances sake, it would make her tummy roll in anger. The hours grew long, the anxiety building even as she hid it the best she could.

Then, mom and dad had gone on a short trip and, for the briefest time, everything felt normal. Or, to be more accurate, as normal as they had felt before Zee grew sick. Those few, untroubled hours, Andy was able to play like normal, laugh and joke, stalk her siblings and even eat a full meal. Over the next several days, she would reply those hours over and over again as she tried to understand the new, gaping hole that would settle into her life. Dad had come home, distraught and, more noticeably to the purple pup, without mom.

In that moment, every emotion, every ounce of anxiety she had felt, made complete and utter sense. When dad had gathered them together to share that Zee was gone and the pups all went through their own emotions. But Andy had sat in the background, no tears falling, no emotion on her features as she just… observed. While she might not understand why Zee is gone she completely understands the feeling that her absence leaves behind. That is what she latched onto, the lack of her mother in her life from that day forward.

No more stories about stars from her, no more laughter moments with her, no more Zee. Everyone deals with grief in their own way and the purple pup tries to act normal because she doesn’t really understand the dark pit of unending sadness that had opened in her chest. She tries to push it away, bury it somewhere where she can visit it at another time but she just… can’t. It hounds her hour after hour, minute after agonizing minute, until she has to release it. It is well into the night when she slips from the room the family is using, careful to make sure no one is following her. She leaves the castle, checking and double checking that her father’s companions are not trailing after her.

But, once she hits the gardens, she breaks into a run. However, Andromeda does not go far, just to the grassy ocean that surrounds the castle, where the clear autumn night does not obscure the stars above. There she collapses and releases the sobs that had been building inside her until they hurt her chest. She cries at the unfairness of it all and questions why her mother had to leave. There in the grass, she pleads with anyone who is listening to let her mother come home, praying the fervent, misguided prayers of a child who misses their parent. She cries until she has no more tears, until her head pounds and her eyes are gritty. With her mother’s face firmly in her minds eye, Andy drops into a deep slumber.


-awakens in a strange, dark area-

Awareness comes in degrees for Andromeda as the purple pup swims her way up through water. However, as she paddles, the pup quickly becomes aware that there is no water around her. In fact, her legs aren’t even moving. Blinking open her pale blue eyes, Andy is greeted by darkness. Moving to stand, the pup notices that her body feels heavy and far away, as if her mind has disconnected from it entirely. However, she doesn’t have to dwell on the sensation as a bright orb of green light suddenly zips by her. She startles, lurching sideways as the dark fades away to allow the light’s passing before taking hold once it is gone.

Curiosity has her tilting her head and Andy takes a tentative step forward, wishing to follow the fading light. However, before she has the chance, it fully disappears, plunging the area once more into the dark. Softly, tentatively, the pup calls out, “Hello?” Another orb of green light appears but this one moves toward her, stopping to illuminate her and the grass underneath her paws. Head tilts as she looks at the green orb and it seems to tilt slightly in response. Blinking owlishly, she says, “Can you take me to my mom?” The orb dances in the air which Andy is uncertain what it means but, as it turns to leave, she takes it to mean ‘follow after me’.

Purple paws race after the light, galloping across the dark grassy plains in impossibly long strides. A smile grows on her lips as they move, the joy of seeing her mom again and perhaps bring her mom home has her heart lifting. She isn’t certain when it happens but the grass falls away and the pair now race across a starry bridge. An indistinct, wavy form appears in front of her and Andy barks in joy as the light zips by, disappearing without warning. Pulling to a stop near the form, she looks around, realizing that the bridge is made of stars and it now illuminates the night. Looking at the hazy wolf, Andy happily chirps, “Mommy! Mommy! Follow me! I’ll take you home!”

With that, Andromeda turns around and beings to lope back the way she had come, stopping to make sure the form is following her from time to time. The bridge disappears but the light stays as the pair make their way back. Andy spies her sleeping form and leads her mother over to it, saying, “Okay, I’m going to wake up now. Come back with me!” With a happy wag, she steps back into her body and circles before laying down and closing her eyes.


-awakens back on the plains-

This time Andy awakens quickly, bouncing up onto her paws to find the form of a wolf near her. Bounding up to she calls, “Mommy! Mommy!” However, as the figure turns, it becomes abundantly clear that this is not her mother. Skidding to a stop, tears welling in her already red and swollen eyes, Andy chokes out, “You’re not my mommy.” Despair crashes back into Andromeda as the expanse that is between her and Zee only seems to grow wider.



WC: 1289


"Andromeda Fatalis"

Feeling a draw or a connection to something beyond the misty, heathered land she dwelled in wasn't something entirely unusual for her. She had been visited by one of her sons on a couple of occasions. This was something different though and a soft, distant voice she didn't recognize caught her attention, pulling her forward with a confusion and a curiosity. Willowy limbs carried her slowly at first and then faster and faster until she was bounding through the foggy, indistinct land, feeling like she was reaching for something that was narrowly escaping her time and time again. Then she found something she had never seen before. She skidded to a stop, panting lightly as she reached a darkness that was dotted with stars that stretched out as far as the eye could see. Her brows pulled together and she stared into it with her mismatched blue eyes for a long moment, hesitant and uncertain of what she should do.

She glanced back over her shoulder, back to the fields of soft greenery and muted flowers behind her, and was just about to turn back when that soft voice spoke to her again. “Okay, I’m going to wake up now. Come back with me!” Her gaze snapped back toward the darkness toward the youthful voice of a pup and her heart tugged in her chest. She didn't know how much time had passed since she left the living world. Her only gauge was seeing Ignis in his visits and seeing how her little boy had aged. She knew that time had gone on without her and all of her children were well into their adulthoods—perhaps even some past that point as well. She missed her children with every fiber of her being and hearing this girl's voice...

Her ears folded back with uncertainty and she closed her eyes, drawing in a breath as she stepped forward, feeling the ground change beneath her feet until it felt like it was simply not there at all. She was afraid to open her eyes, feeling weightless and lost and unsure of where she was going or what was happening to her—at least until that same voice spoke again and she suddenly felt the soft grass beneath her feet and the cool air of a breeze blowing through her fur. She blinked open her eyes as the pup called for their mommy, her gaze widening as she looked out over the very real, very solid world around her. It wasn't a land she recognized, but it wasn't the land of spirits she had grown accustomed to. She turned, her gaze of blues landing on the young pup that was coated in muted purples, watching the joy and excitement suddenly die on her features when their eyes met.

As the girl expressed how she wasn't her mother, Zuriel's heart clenched and her ears fell back against her head. "Oh, darling..." she said softly as she turned and walked over to where the girl was, the necklace she wore swinging gently against her chest. She reached out gently to the girl, unsure if she would actually be able to touch her or not and feeling such relief when she found that she could. Her dark-tipped toes lightly brushed away the girl's tears, feeling just how damp and tear stained her cheeks were from what she guessed was quite a lot of crying. "I'm sorry I'm not who you were looking for," she replied, feeling tears starting to sting at her own eyes as she gave the girl a sweet smile. "I'm not your mother, but I am a mother and it's been a very, very long time since I've gotten to see my pups. But you know what?" She held out a slender foreleg, inviting the little girl into a hug if she wanted. "I've found that sometimes a good hug does wonders. Maybe we can be sad together so it's not quite so hard."

"Speech"

Andy stares at the gray woman, understanding slamming into her that she had failed to bring her mother home. Ears slick back as her lips tremble and small tremors begin to course through her body. She tries to fight back the sobs that are building in her throat as her big, round eyes look up that wolf. The lady looks like she might have been a kind mother but she is still not her mom. Pain is clear in every line of her young face and, as the stranger speaks, the pup finds herself latching onto the tenderness in her voice. Somehow, in some way, the grieving girl knows that the stranger understands her pain.

The gray and black wolf walks toward the pup and Andy’s pale blue gaze follows her progress as tears slowly leaking out of the corners. As a paw with dark-tipped toes reaches up toward her face, the purple pup feels the love behind the gesture and, when it touches her tear-stained cheek, the sad pup leans into the paw. All too quickly, the loving touch is gone and Andy worries that she will never feel that motherly love again. But, the unknown wolf’s voice fills the air breaking her young heart but also offering her warmth and kindness.

She feels lost, like she is floundering in an ocean without a life vest. Emotions roll across her face as she tries to breathe, chest hitching with each inhalation. The sweet smile the woman offers her has her sniffling and when a slender foreleg reaches out, inviting her in for a hug, Andromeda hesitates. Pale blue eyes meet the mismatched blue gaze of the motherly wolf and the hurting young pup sees the love and sadness that lingers in the corners of the older woman’s eyes.

Her next words have Andy melting as her face scrunches up and she slams her eyes shut, lurching unsteadily forward into the lady’s awaiting arms.  Small body presses into the stranger as great, body shaking sobs fill the air. Purple legs snake out, seeking to wrap around the woman’s chest as the pup seeks to press her face into the fur of the other wolf’s chest. There, on the starlit plains, in the chilly autumn air, Andromeda cries. She cries for her lost mother; for the cruelty and unfairness of the whole situation; for the pain that pounds through her body with each beat of her broken heart.

Hot tears spill down her cheeks, soaking the already wet fur there and making her eyes sting even more. When the sobs die down a little, her painful eyes still squeezed shut and face pressed into the motherly wolf, Andy hiccups out, “Why do mommies have to leave? Didn’t my mom love us? I don’t want her to be out there alone! This isn’t fair!” Another, body shaking sob wracks her frame as she holds onto the stranger as if her young life depends on it.


"Andromeda Fatalis"

As the young girl fell forward into her, Zuriel caught her little form and pulled her in tight, her own eyes squeezing shut as she fought against her own turbulent emotions. "It's alright, darling... It's alright..." she assured quietly, her voice thick with emotion, while she held this little pup in her arms and squeezing her gently. Tears pricked at her eyes while she felt this girl sobbing against her, her ears falling back against her head. She had missed so much of her children's lives, chased away from them by their unhinged father that she had tried so desperately to save. She thought of all of her children... Of Miach, Kane, Daelos, Ignis, Actaea, Dominus, Casso, Domina... She had gotten such little time with many of them and her heart clenched at the fact that this little girl was now mourning her mother after having such little time with her as well. She dipped her head and nuzzled at the girl's crown as if she was her own, tears dampening her own cheeks while she let the still nameless girl cry out her sorrow.

Eventually she felt the pup's tears begin to lessen, her sobs quieting a bit—or at least enough for her to get out questions and demands about the injustice of the world, demanding to know why mothers had to leave and questioning the love her mother had for her and her siblings. Zuriel's paw gently moved to the back of the girl's head, reassuring her that she could cry into her chest for as long as she needed while lightly rubbing over the back of her neck. "I promise you that your mother loved you very, very much," she said without hesitation, having to swallow past a lump in her throat as she struggled to speak past her own tears. She didn't need to meet the girl's mother to know that for a fact. "Us mothers never want to leave our children... But sometimes life isn't fair and it doesn't go the way we want it to go." It was a harsh reality for such a young girl to learn, but she was being forced to face it regardless so Zuriel did her very best to comfort her through it. "It's not fair. It's not fair at all. But sometimes we don't get a say. Sometimes things just happen."

She dipped her muzzle again, kissing the top of the amethyst girl's head. "It's not so bad on the other side," she promised with a small, sad smile. "It's peaceful. I was very sick before I passed away and afterward I wasn't sick any more. I was young and youthful and happy. It's peaceful there." She pulled back just enough to get the girl to look up at her, giving her another gentle smile while her paws came to her cheeks, carefully rubbing away some more of her tears. "I know it's going to be so hard, but you're a strong girl, I can tell. You're going to grow up so strong and beautiful and you're going to make your mother so proud. It's okay to be sad and mourn, but nothing would make your mother happier than to know you're living your life and being the happiest girl you can be, okay?" Maybe she was speaking for herself, but she couldn't imagine that this girl's mother would say much different. It was what she felt like most mothers would want or their children at the end of the day.

"Speech"

Emotions are such a strange force. They can bring the highest of highs or make someone feel as if their heart is being slowly squeezed inside their chest. Andy lurches forward, the tears blinding her as she seeks to hug the stranger, hoping that this motherly woman can somehow stop the pain. The soft, quiet words that are spoken to the sobbing child feel so hollow to her young ears and she wonders how anything will ever be alright again. Her world has been shattered, the stable foundation that she has been on has cracked and fallen away, leaving the purple pup in a freefall of despair.

Tears fall, sobs racking her small frame as Andy’s grieving mind whirls around and around, trying and failing to comprehend why this has happened. She needs someone to blame, someone to scream her anger at until her throat is raw and her lungs ache as much as her soul does. Short legs hang onto the gray woman, using her as a lifeline as emotions crash into the pup again and again, tossing her underneath the surface of reality until she is uncertain what is up and what is down. She needs someone to blame and, in her desperation, the pup’s mind latches onto… herself.

Surely it is her fault, she did or said something that made her mother leave the family. There is no other way to explain it and no one to blame but herself. Andromeda presses a little harder into this stranger that she brought into the living world, her one desire for a mother’s hug coming true but not from the mother she wanted. Hopelessness slams into her tiny chest as she turns over every moment, every word spoken between her and her mother in search of where she went wrong. The tears eventually lessen and the sobs settle to the point that she can hiccup out her questions as she clings to the motherly wolf.

A paw moves to the back of her neck and the reassuring movement against her fur has her body relaxing against Andy’s will. The stranger’s words feel empty to the grieving girl as she ponders how her mother could love her so much and yet leave her. But the stranger continues to talk and Andromeda listens as the sobs dull down to become soft whines that only happen every now and then. At least the woman understands how unfair this is, how utterly and completely soul crushing it is to her small world. A kiss on top of her head has a soft whine escaping as more tears spill from her closed eyes and she listens to how it isn’t that bad on the other side.

Now, Andy does not know where her mother went but, if this lady says it is so bad than maybe Zee is happier there. She feels the motherly wolf shift backward slightly and the pup turns her head to look upward and capture the mismatched blue gaze with her own red, swollen, and puffy pale blue eyes. All she can do is nod to the lady’s question, gaze drifting away from the stranger’s face as Andromeda tries to understand how she will ever be happy again. But, if this lady says that Andy’s mother will be happier knowing that she is happy then the purple is going to try with all her might to be happy.

For a moment, Andromeda feels old, her mere months alive overshadowed by everything that she is being forced to come to terms with and accept. The pup releases a sigh, allowing the sobs to completely stop while she slowly relaxes her hold on the stranger. Finally she properly looks up at the lady and the forlorn pup softly says, “I don’t want her to be gone. I want her to hold me and kiss away the fear while saying everything will be okay.” Her voice cracks on the last world but Andy swallows back the sobs that try to take hold to say, “I want her to look into my eyes and say my name. I… I would give anything to hear her voice one more time.”

Eyes drift down to the soft grass that ripples with each breath of the wind and Andy whispers, “Don’t leave me yet…” Pale gaze suddenly darts up to the stranger’s eyes as she adds, “Please.” This plea is for the gray woman, the hurting pup having found some comfort in her arms and she doesn’t want have the older wolf leave, not yet. A thought occurs and the pup quickly says, “My name is Andy… Andromeda. My name is Andromeda Fatalis.” Now that she knows her name they are surely bound together by some unseen force that is stronger than them both.

A deep wariness that goes far beyond her physical body begins to tug at the pup and her eyelids begin their downward march as sleep pulls at her. Eyes suddenly spring open, panic written in every line of her face as her small heart pounds furiously in her chest. Searching the gray woman’s face, Andy fearfully asks, “You’ll be here when I wake up… right?” No matter the lady’s answer, sleep will not be ignored as the pup eventually drifts off into a fitful slumber.


"Andromeda Fatalis"

She knew that it would be impossible for her to fix all of the hurt, to completely ease this girl's pain. She only hoped that she might dull it even a bit and maybe start guiding her toward a slightly brighter outlook. She knew that no matter how grim things looked now there would always be brighter days ahead—even if this girl didn't quite believe that yet. Zuriel had witnessed the worst and darkest times she could possibly imagine and had somehow managed to find a light on the other side, a second chance at happiness, and she had no doubt that this girl would do the same again and again before they met each other again on the other side many, many years from now. "I know," was all she could say with understanding as she girl made her wishes for her mother to not be gone, but to instead be here to kiss away the fear and to be able to hear her voice again. "I know, darling. I know you do. I wish that I could see my family and my children again too. Just know that no matter where your mother has gone she will always still love you." She wanted to mention the couple of times where she had been able to connect with her son and speak with him, but she didn't want to get her hopes up. Ignis had been the only of her many children that she had ever gotten to speak to so she didn't know how rare the interaction was so if that never happened for this girl she didn't want her to be disappointed. Still, Zuriel silently gave her own prayer that maybe one day this little girl would get to hear her mother's voice again too.

The girl's sudden plea for her to not leave made Zuriel smile gently, her paw lifting to gently stroke over the top of her head. "I'm not going to leave you yet. I promise." But already she could feel that whatever was holding her here wasn't as solid as it had been when she first appeared on this grassy plain. It was a slow degrading of this teether that she wouldn't even begin to try to understand, but it certainly wasn't a permanent thing. Already she could tell that at least how she was sensing the girl's touch was becoming more like the sensation she had when she was able to see Ignis in the spirit world—not quite as distinct, almost like a memory of what touch should feel like. Still, she held on for as long as she could, not wanting to leave this poor girl just yet. Then she finally got the girl's name and it was just as beautiful as the sweet girl herself. "And I'm Zuriel. Zuriel Adravendi. I know I'm not who you were hoping for, but I'm very glad I've gotten to meet you, Andromeda."

She can see the exhaustion of everything that had been warring within her finally start to take hold and Zuriel smiles kindly, gently pulling Andromeda into her again and supporting her as she begins to fall asleep. Her heart squeezed in her chest as she watched her, thinking of her own pups again and wondering hopelessly about what had come of them and deeply missing the days when she could hold her children like this. Andromeda's eyes suddenly flew open with worry over whether she would be here when she woke up and Zuriel gave her another smile, leaning down to kiss the top of her head again. "I'll be here for as long as I can," she promised quietly, giving her a little squeeze. "Now get some rest, sweetheart. I'm here for you." She gently rocked the girl until she felt her body fully relax into a heavy sleep and she sighed softly, smiling down at her sadly. Oh what she wouldn't give to stay here with her. Unfortunately, that wasn't an option that she was given.

She gently lowered Andromeda onto the grass and laid down with her, curling around her and looking up toward the stars while she hoped that perhaps someone would come looking for her before she was forced to leave. She didn't want this little girl to be alone out here, but she also didn't know where they were or if she had any family here. Zuriel clung to the mortal world until it felt painful to do so, watching as her limbs became less distinct and more translucent as time went on. Just as the sun was beginning to break over the horizon and the light was brightening the sky, she heard someone walking toward them and she glanced up, seeing a tawny figure walking in their direction. She breathed a sigh of relief and smiled, looking down at Andromeda one more time before she closed her eyes and drifted away, feeling weightless for a moment before she opened her eyes again and found herself in the familiar, misty landscape of her spirit world.

"Speech"