The crushing weight had been with her a long time. Maybe not so unseen by those around her. She knew very few wolves very well or more so did they know her. Only one. And he was right, it would never be enough. No secrets.

If only subtly, Relm had made her goodbyes. Closure, though maybe not at all really. She wanted it to feel that way. A little on her end at least, maybe none on everyone else. Time would tell. Her mind was somewhere else to even consider their feelings... no that wasn't true. It hurt a lot to think of who she was leaving behind. But they all had someone to share their lives with. She, was nothing. In her mind at least. Something to be forgotten in time.

She had been away from the pack a couple days, trying to drink away any bit of thought or emotion. There were a lot despite how much she held back from everyone. It was only finding the right time at this point, though she knew after so long someone would come looking for her. It had to be done soon. As much as she wanted to let go, it was harder than she had anticipated. Not for herself of course, that was just her way of life.

It was late night when she stumbled down to the rocky shores of the sunken volcano. She didn't know if she wanted to be far away where no one would find her, or somewhere nearby where they would know what happened to her. Here it was like fate would take her one way or another. It would be out of her own will. A mind full of static, she waited. Like she was trying to really think everything through, as if she didn't want to do it at all. But she was in no more clear mind to turn back now. Only everything bad in her life was surfaced. Not pushing her but it was easy to let go of what she held onto.

In time she took a large dose of the sedative she traded for, and stepped into the cool waters of the ocean. Feeling numb through every part it was like she didn't even notice she fell asleep. That peaceful end. If there was suffering she never felt it. At least she knew how to do one thing right for herself. How wrong she could be, but it was too late.

"Relm"
F2U base by AshKatu

Alastor knew something was wrong. That deep, nagging intuition that something wasn't quite right that stuck in the pit of his stomach that just wouldn't go away. After his time with Relm and the pink woman's admission to him, he had asked for one of his son's raptors to keep an eye on her whenever she left the island. So when Relm had departed a few days prior, he had been alerted. But Alastor thought nothing of it at the time. A hunting trip, maybe, or just getting some space. When she didn't return that night, he became concerned. When one day turned to two, Alastor's alarm bells were going off. The dire wolf immediately set off on a search, following Vindr to where Relm had last been spotted. An empty den with the fading scent of the woman he cared for lingered, but it was apparent she hadn't been here for about a day. Relm was missing.

The master hunter and tracker that he was, Alastor followed her scent and tracks around the north, heading around the Polar Sound until he followed the scent across the rocky coast to where it dipped into the ocean. Dark eyes lifted to spy the island just off the coast, usually only accessible by the strongest of swimmers or during the winter. Had Relm actually attempted to go to the inhospitable volcanic island? Why? That gnawing pit of concern in his stomach churned, growing stronger the more he unraveled this mystery. But Alastor had to know where Relm was. His deep concern for the pink fae drove him to step into the chilly arctic waters, only barely warmer with the mild autumn weather. He grit his teeth and bared the cold, kicking with powerful legs as he swam across the channel to the island.

When he emerged on the far shore, Relm's scent was immediately noticeable again. She had been here, and recently. Shaking the water and cold from his fur and body, Alastor trudged with shivering muscles along the island's shore, following the remnants of Relm's trail. Whatever she was doing out here, she had better have a damn good explanation for it. Already Al was playing out the conversation he would have with her when he found her, and if he had to scold her like a child for scaring him so, then so be it. It turned out that imagined conversation would never happen. Rounding a bend in the coast, Alastor spotted a vivid pink shape floating lazily about in the surf a short distance down the shore, and his stride stopped mid-step. Alastor stared at the shape, knowing deep down in his heart what he was looking at, but it was like his mind refused to accept it. The longer he stared, the more it just didn't register to him. The cold that had permeated his muscles now ran through his veins like ice. Every beat of his heart hurt with each slow step he took closer to her. It was only once he finally reached her body did his mind catch up to his eyes.

There, floating lifeless in the cold ocean water, was Relm. Were it not for the fact that she was face down in the surf, it would almost have looked like she was just drifting along in the current, enjoying a swim as they had done in the lake time and time before. Alastor stood on the edge of the shore, the cold water lapping at his toes while he just stared in disbelief and his heart broke. How? How had it come to this? He had tried his best to give Relm everything he could, offer her the love and companionship she had lacked. He had loved her. But in the end, it just wasn't enough... He couldn't save the broken woman. He couldn't save anyone. All at once, Alastor was that helpless puppy again, watching his father slay his siblings one by one. He couldn't save them. He couldn't save Relm. All he ever did was fail the ones he cared about and now he'd gone and failed again, and it had cost Relm her life.

Moving almost on autopilot, Alastor waded out into the water. He no longer felt the bite of the cold water, no longer cared if it stung or hurt him. Nothing mattered besides getting Relm out of the water. The water rose up to his chest when he reached her, snatching her up by her scruff and towing her back through the surf to dry land. This felt wrong; so, so wrong. Pulling her limp body up onto the stony shore felt wrong. Feeling no warmth or movement from her when he laid a paw on her chest felt wrong. Seeing those pale eyes staring glassy and lifeless into oblivion felt wrong. Alastor hadn't realized tears were running down his face until he felt the burning heat of them on his cheeks. The dire brute flopped down beside her on the shore, despondent and forlorn. Powerful forelimbs lifted her up into his embrace while a giant paw stroked over Relm's head, his broken mind tried to make sense of reality, but simply couldn't. "I'm sorry..." he whispered—whether to Relm, to himself, or to no one in particular was unclear. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." All alone out in the middle of nowhere with the corpse of the woman he had cared so much for, all Alastor could do was sing his heartbreak to the cold, cruel world.

"The world we knew won't come back
The time we've lost can't get back
The life we had won't be ours again
This world will never be what I expected
And if I don't belong..."

"Alastor Mendacium"