Falling In Reverse

Standing on the edge of the abyss, staring down into the icy water that promises the sweet embrace of death; Tove feels her heart squeeze painfully in her chest. All this agony could end right now if she just steps forward, if she just… lets go. As she gazes at the still water below, it reflects her scared eyes back at her, taunting the woman, daring her to finish what she started as she continues to hesitate. Tears well in those duel-toned eyes, obscuring the woman’s vision of her own reflection. Life itself has left a bitter taste in her mouth, turning every moment into pure suffering until all she has left, is a longing for escape. Yet here she stands, the water below promising that sweet release she has spent so long wishing for… and she cannot do it.

Then a voice, familiar and haunting her memory, reaches her ears and every muscle in Tove tenses. Once again, life has found a way to fuck her over. She stays where she is, leaning over the edge and staring into the water below because she cannot look at him. If her resolve had already crumbling, the gentleness in his voice threatens to take it completely away. No, the woman hopes that, if she doesn’t look at him, she can do this. Emotions lodge in her throat, stealing away her voice as she blinks through the tears, the pesky water leaking out of her eyes to trace its ways over the scars on her face until it is freefalling through the air. The tiny droplets finish their journey, hitting the still surface of the water below and breaking apart her image as ripples cascade out.

Part of Tove longs to round on Víðarr and berate him for abandoning her again, for stealing away what little happiness she had found since the death of Bodin. But, even as she thinks about doing it, the woman knows that she the fault does not lay with him because, when it came down to it, she had believed everything he told her. She had given him that power and it is little wonder that he had walked away again. Her body is taut as she stands absolutely still, willing the man to turn around and leave so that she can finish what she had set out to do. But she knows him, knows that he won’t just leave without being told to, so her gravely tones, choked with emotion, whisper to the air, “Leave, Víðarr. Turn around and walk away right now. Forgot what you see.”

Truthfully, she hopes he will do as she commands because then she will be able to take that step and greet Hel with open arms. Tove had once confessed her love to the Shadow and now she wonders if he will ever be capable of loving her. She is broken, worthless and all those sweetly spoken words that day in the forest mean nothing when he keeps leaving her. All the woman had every wanted was to love and be loved by someone and Víðarr couldn’t even give her that. Her life isn’t worth anything. No one in the pack had noticed her seclusion or the way she was slowly wasting away. Even Kotori, who she had pledged her life to, did not seem to care about her anymore.

No, the endless torment that awaits her underneath the icy surface below is her best option. Paws stand on the edge, toes barely hanging off as she remains craned over the edge, waiting for Víðarr to leave so she can end her miserable excuse of an existence.


"Tove Baade"