Is this really who we are?

It was always the talking past each other wasn't it? Flurry had only compared her father to the warlord in her mind when she'd brought up the day he'd sent Scald after Deluge but she otherwise hadn't meant to compare either of them, but she couldn't know that was how he was seeing it either. It was too easy to assume you were operating from the same stand point and only end up making it worse.  She couldn't bring herself to look at her father as he spoke. She closed her eyes, but listened. Listened and hurt and became even more unsure of herself. She was an idiot, they'd established that. But how much was she? She'd never assumed her father didn't think what he was doing was best for them, she'd only ever thought he could be wrong about something actually being best. But more than that had she been that fucking dumb that she'd misread everything? Was it possible that he was just saying what he knew she'd want to hear? Flurry in the past would have said she was pretty decent at reading others, sure she knew she could always be wrong but it wasn't like she trusted blindly. She hadn't had reason to assume the warlord was lying, not because it wouldn't benefit him but because he hadn't known it could. She'd showed up on his doorstep an awkward visitor who was clearly out of her depth. How would he look at her and think to himself "Yeah that? That's heir material right there." But now? Now she didn't know what to think. She'd spent so much time finding the reasons she wasn't good enough, signs her dad thought that. Her mind was at odds with itself, she wanted to believe her dad. Wanted to so bad. But that couldn't explain how out of the loop she'd been left. What it came down to was she was an idiot. Obviously.

Flurry let her gaze follow his paw as he gestured, practically wincing as he accused her of undermining him. "No I-" She wasn't fast enough to stop the words from blurting out but she was fast enough to cut them off. But she had hadn't she? It hadn't been what she'd meant but she had told him he hadn't been a good enough father. She was frustrated sure but that wasn't the same thing. But that nuance had gotten lost, lost in the high drama of it all. Flurry didn't bother to argue any further, no point. Her father seemed hellbent on his stance and honestly this was all her fault anyways. She'd started this, she was probably ending it in the worst way too. If he hadn't been disappointed in her before he was now, she was sure. She'd trapped herself in a real self-fulfilling prophecy huh? Stupid girl. Hadn't even seen what she was doing to herself. He moved his muzzle to her head and welp, there went the last shred of control she had. Her watering eyes finally opening the flood gates.

"I just want to know we won't be undone by a grudge." She sobbed softly. "I just want to not be afraid that there will never be a 'too far' if we keep going tit for tat. I want to know someone won't end up dead." In the end that was what it came down to. She wanted to protect them all from that. The "other side" included. Flurry couldn't imagine Vanta or the purple girl deserved to end up killed over this. She had her frustrations sure, but in the end it was Azure who'd decided to drag her and her litter mates into this, she just wished her father hadn't decided to make it a home. "I'm sorry." Flurry's voice was so weak. She just wanted this to end, just wanted to stop the crying, stop the shame, all she could think to do was apologize. "I'm sorry." To Scald for being an asshole to him. "I'm sorry." To her father for being such a waste and hurting him. "I'm sorry." To her siblings for failing in the one task she'd promised herself she'd do for them. "I'm sorry." To everyone, because she was a gods damned mess who couldn't handle her emotions and was taking it out on everyone and no one should have had to put up with her.

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