She's just... sad. Raw. So many emotions in so little space, and Hazel wished for once they'd all dry up. All the raw, bleeding, ragged feelings within her chest. Hazel was tired, her chin finally sagging against the dark sand of the beach. At least there was the dull buzz of the booze to contrast all of the... everything. All of the everything.
"I'm not trying to punish you," The words come as nearly a whimper, Hazel trying (failing) to conceal the tremble in her voice. "I just... Bas, my earliest memory is being abandoned. I'd be willing to bet, Spider's too." That's where Hazel's voice cracks for real. Had she been the most present? No. And that was her fault. But it didn't mean the things that tied them together were any different. "You spent so many nights away, running after him, looking for him. I know you love him, I know he means a lot to you..." She tried to gather her breath, willed back the tears threatening to fall.
"I'm sorry I let fear take over, and got upset before hearing what you had to say." It's a more weighty apology than the previous. Hazel curled up tightly as a harsh breeze kicked up over the sea. "There were better ways to tell you all the things I noticed with your dad, but I just... fuck, Bas, I feel guilty about never being able to do something about it when it was happening." Hazel is back to being unable to look at him, her filter dissolved by the alcohol. "What if we let him into our lives and history repeats itself? That's not the life I want for Spider, for our kids after them. We're still recovering from that life now." Things that have been on her mind lately bubbling to the surface, soaked in pilfered alcohol.
