Here's to the memories that make me fucking sick...

Bellamy · 01-29-2024, 01:00 PM

Bellamy had no idea how much time passed when she finally opened her green eyes. She was alone in her den, body aching… she could smell the herbs and poultices used on her injuries. She felt like shit physically… and mentally she could picture the figure of the girl that she had tossed in the raid. A heavy sigh passed her lips. It had finally happened. She had slipped… perhaps past the point of no return. Though no, Bellamy reminded herself. This wasn’t the first time she’d been here, was it? As much as she had tried to pretend, to cover the truth of bloodied past… it had caught up with her. It was staring her in the face and, before long, even her own children would know the truth of the monster she had been. That she was. Maybe they would turn her away in disgust after that… she didn’t know.

With a grunt the old woman forced herself to her paws. Everything felt stiff. She felt her age now more than ever. Maybe more than that. A glance was given to the bloodied snow leopard cape that was drying from the rain on the other end of the den. Her gaze would slide to the cubbies that Gavroche had once used for storing herbs… to the unoccupied beds of her companions. What had they told Bae-Syl? She was surprised he hadn’t just… ended it. That was their pact, wasn’t it? Did he still think there was a chance she could come back from this? Bellamy closed her eyes. If only she could. It felt like the weight of her past had settled over her like a smothering blanket…

“It was wrong of me to ever expect to change.” Her heart felt heavy, memories fading in and out with her other racing thoughts as slow, quiet pawsteps lead her out of the den. She had never wanted her children to become aware of what she was capable of. Of the things she had done in the means of survival… but… there had always been a choice, hadn’t there? She was a coward. Perhaps if she had just stood beside her sister against the men that stole her family… none of this would have needed to happen. It happened because she had been weak. Scared. Why was killing the easy way out? A scoff left her lips… a life of delusion.

A life of lies.

To herself.

To Gav.

To her children.

Bellamy made herself out to the front of the pool, the falls roaring behind her as she sat in the pale afternoon sunlight. Thick clouds still gathered in the skies, threatening to bring more rain later. Wind still danced across the territory… a wind that she barely felt. Bellamy’s gaze seemed far off as she gazed across the land before her. Karma… her ears fell back against her skull. It wouldn’t be the first time she’d acted against an innocent, had it? No, just another number and face in a sea of countless ones. Her whole life had been spent fighting, maiming, and killing… and one day she was sure that would be what brought about her death as well.

A sigh left her.

…and maybe… she should leave before that costs her family everything.

"Speech," 'Thought.'

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Thread		Forum	From	To
1.	Here's to the memories that make me fucking sick...	Lazuli Falls	01:00 PM, 01-29-2024	06:50 PM, 03-18-2024

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Here's to the memories that make me fucking sick...

Haydee

Bellamy