having it out

Spider…can feel themselves waver, and they hate themselves for it. it’s only, she looks so miserable, and it tugs on something buried in their chest, urges them to soothe and reassure and comfort. it’s okay, it’s all going to be okay. it won’t. they know that. and yet, Spider can’t quite bring themselves to turn their back on Ignita and walk out. have they always been this weak, or is it simply her? “don’t cry.” is it a demand, or a plea? they’re not sure. Spider scowls, resisting to urge to kick one of the cave walls. is this how she wrapped Bas around her finger? tears and big golden eyes? well, they won’t fall for it. they won’t.

but then their legs are moving of their own accord, and they’re crossing the distance to stand before Ignita’s crumpled form. Spider heaves a sigh, something shaky and long-suffering. they feel like they’ve aged a decade in the past month. “i wish you were easier to hate, Ignita.” they lift a paw and swipe at her tears, wiping them away. “i don’t know how to be around you, okay?” how to go about their life watching another woman take Bas’ place at his side, where Hazel should be. how to watch them raise a family together and be totally fine with it, no worries. it’ll be like swallowing poison every day - they’ll desensitise, maybe, but it’ll never quite sit right. still, they were prepared to try, before Ignita insisted on making everything harder. they weren’t expecting her to fight for them so hard, to be so devastated by the loss of them. a clean break, that’s what they’d intended. Spider clenches their eyes shut, a headache building. fucking damn it.

"Speech"