having it out

it would have been better if she had shredded me to pieces...it would be her right. “Ignita…no.” they’re suddenly exhausted, the fight drained out of them. “no one should ever hit you, no matter how angry you make them.” Spider slumps into a seated position beside Ignita, stroking her back with their tail in large, sweeping circles. they can’t do it, they can’t keep spitting vitriol at this woman, no matter their anger. whether she knows it or not, she’s twisted their arm. “Bas tried that too, you know. told me to take ‘my pound of flesh,’ as it were.” their heart aches for these people, who’ve come to expect violence as retribution. Spider may be furious, but carving that anger into Ignita’s flesh won’t make anything better. they know that much. “if it’s a fight…that different,” they murmur, staring at their feet. “but to just strike you down?” their throat closes up, and they swallow. “no. no one should do that.” what a mess. Spider wants to sleep for a week. “and you…you shouldn’t try to be Hazel, either. you’re not Hazel.”

their chest tightens as they recall that day all those months ago, when Hazel had found them and given them a home. a name. a Dad and a knife and a place to hall home. their room in the treehouse houses another, now. their little family is in pieces, and Spider doesn’t where to put their feet, how to avoid the shards. “you’re…Ignita. and that’s why people care about you. because you’re kind.” Spider withdraws their tail, letting it settle at their feet. they feel small. young. “you’re smart and you’re creative and you care so, so much. and those things are just as valuable as the things that made Hazel special.” they miss Hazel like they’d miss a limb, like they’re incomplete without her. but they know, through the haze of their fury, that they’d miss Ignita, too. Spider sighs. “you really love my Dad, then?”

"Speech"