ardent

Step 3: Learn to love yourself first

Sakana



Flurry

Loner

Novice Intellectual (20)

Expert Fighter (180)

age
2 Years
gender
Female
gems
802
size
Extra large
build
Light
posts
134
player
Lolaf

VengeanceCritical Observation!1KLoserCritical Fail!Pride - Pansexual
02-06-2024, 10:02 PM (This post was last modified: 02-06-2024, 10:07 PM by Lolaf. Edited 1 time in total.)




The hits just didn't stop coming. It was an evening a few days after the raid and the meeting and the goddamn mess on the beach... Flurry's shoulder was healing fine, still hurt to move it too much but she'd gotten off lightly. There would be no visible chunk of herself missing, the same could not be said for Sid. But honestly that was the least of her worries right now... No her worry was Rexx. He was back and Flurry knew she ought to be happy to see him, and there to support him since by the sounds of it he'd been though a lot but well... She kinda couldn't feel anything but anger. Walked out of her life, not a goddamn word of goodbye so why did he get to walk back in like he'd just gone out on a routine errand? He'd upended her whole goddamn world, had been the whole reason she'd lashed out at Scald, if Rexx had bothered to act like his family had mattered maybe she'd have handled losing her other brother better...  

Flurry was keeping her distance from him. She didn't feel like going two for two on exploding at her brothers. Besides she had other shit to think about, she had to pick a raiding target for the first raid she was going to lead and trying to figure out the fucking knotted ball of issues the raid with Ethne had caused. Why couldn't anyone just fucking be okay with the pound of flesh she'd taken in retribution? Simple, clean, the wolf who had hurt Sid had been the only one who suffered for it. Why could no one distinguish between individuals and whole ass packs? Abraxas... Maybe that was why she had no friends. What had happened to her? She used to be fun now even she was starting to get tired of her nagging...

Flurry didn't actually like being alone with her thoughts, especially when she was stressed but she was used to it by now, besides who else could even really relate? Her parents... Maybe... But she couldn't exactly get an objective view from them... On themselves... The drink helped, and since she was getting nowhere in her musings she figured she might as well accomplish one goal tonight. One way or the other Flurry was going to get absolutely sloshed.


"Speech"

Art by Perencreste
Updated 01/13/23: I am currently on indefinite scarcity, please be patient and don't remind me of missing tags right now.




Sakana

Raiders Hollow
The Sawbone

Master Healer (270)

Master Navigator (240)

An icon representing the specialty Anatomist Anatomist

age
3 Years
gender
Male
gems
422
size
Dire wolf
build
Light
posts
100
player
NachoMumma

1KSamhain 2022
02-16-2024, 09:45 PM


Sakana wanted to stay close to home, at least until Sid was out of the woods. She was stable, and as comfortable as he could make her, but that didn't shake the feeling of guilt that wracked him as he made his way to the Archipelago. Pausing on the beach to shake some of the tension from Daager from his coat, he set about making a small fire. A night under the stars would do him some good, and even if Deluge wasn't here to study them with him, it didn't mean he couldn't gaze up and wonder at the meaning of it all.

He set up the fish he had seasoned before heading out and basked in the aroma of firewood and slowly roasting herbs. He was a simple guy at the end of the day, yeah he liked flowers and the stars and a nice home cooked meal. Goddamn but if only he could find a way to ease the ache in his bones. Even though he wasn't much of a drinker himself, he thought for a moment that he should have bought a bottle with him, though he was sure there was a stash somewhere nearby? Sakana slid down onto his stomach, allowing the lingering heat in the sand to ease the aching of his joints. He could look for it later.

Movement in the distance caught his attention and his head cocked as he tried to figure out who it could be. Ah, Flurry. Things couldn't be easy for her at the moment either. “Got 'nough fer two if you're hungry,” he called out as a greeting, his tail tapping the sand beside him. There was plenty of beach if she just wanted to be left alone too.

“Speech”




Flurry

Loner

Novice Intellectual (20)

Expert Fighter (180)

age
2 Years
gender
Female
gems
802
size
Extra large
build
Light
posts
134
player
Lolaf

VengeanceCritical Observation!1KLoserCritical Fail!Pride - Pansexual
03-01-2024, 12:31 PM




She'd managed to get a pleasant buzzing going in her head before Flurry, quite nearly literally, stumbled upon Sakana. If he hadn't called out the chance she'd have just kept on walking until she tripped over him was high. She wasn't stumbling quite yet but her awareness had certainly taken a nose dive. Maybe it was good he'd called out because it was only once she'd realized he was there that she'd also realized he had a fire going, that wouldn't have been fun to wander into.

"Boy am I!" Flurry flung herself down next to the larger wolf, splayed out on her stomach in probably one of the least graceful or dignified positions she'd taken in a while. About the only thing she cared to save right now was the drink, it was much too precious to let spill. Though she did clumsily lift the bottle towards Sakana. "Thirsty?" She grinned at him, her words were managing to hold together for now but if she didn't get some food in her soon she'd be a downright mess before too long. Which was, of course, the point.

Wether he took her offer or not Flurry couldn't help the curiousity, narrowing her eyes at Sakana before she managed to get her question out. "Wha' happened out on the beach? T'aint like you..." Okay maybe her words were breaking down quicker than expected or maybe she wasn't holding back the accent much of her family had as much as she usually did. Then with a giggle: "Heh, taint."

"Speech"

Art by Perencreste
Updated 01/13/23: I am currently on indefinite scarcity, please be patient and don't remind me of missing tags right now.




Sakana

Raiders Hollow
The Sawbone

Master Healer (270)

Master Navigator (240)

An icon representing the specialty Anatomist Anatomist

age
3 Years
gender
Male
gems
422
size
Dire wolf
build
Light
posts
100
player
NachoMumma

1KSamhain 2022
03-01-2024, 11:51 PM


The boy grinned and added some more fish to the fire, taking one of those already cooked and handing it over to his companion as he traded her for a swig from the bottle she offered before passing it back. He didn't normally drink, so he didn't want to get carried away. Sakana allowed himself to snicker at her giggle and taint remark. As to what had happened, he pulled a face and turned the fish over to avoid it burning.

“Fuckin' stranger comes chargin' at yer leader and yer'd just stand there an' see if they wanted ter talk?” It didn't make sense and he shook his head. “I spent the whole winter and inter spring makin' sure Modesty didn't die and Gilgamesh wasn't there to step in. Like fuck I'm letting those cunts rip up another wolf for me to put back together if I'm in a position to get between em.” He sat back and stretched his limbs with a groan. “Everythin' hurts so maybe my patience isn' what it was.” He gave a shrug. “But words are wasted on some, and anyone that associates with people that think what happened ter Sid is a reasonable response ter having rocks thrown at 'em, even if the maim was met in th' fight, they aren't ok with me. You were at the meetin', they're on the shitlist.” He reached to pull another fish off the fire. Did he really need to justify himself at all?

“Speech”




Flurry

Loner

Novice Intellectual (20)

Expert Fighter (180)

age
2 Years
gender
Female
gems
802
size
Extra large
build
Light
posts
134
player
Lolaf

VengeanceCritical Observation!1KLoserCritical Fail!Pride - Pansexual
03-02-2024, 12:21 AM




Flurry wiggled her brows at the male as he snickered but her mood was quickly ruined. She visibly deflated as Sakana spoke and she snorted derisively at his comment that the small woman had been going "for" her mother. "An' mom went after one of her wolves." She muttered under her breath the way a teenager might back talk their parent. With a huff she brought her limbs in to roll herself  to face away from the male, suddenly closing herself off from him. Not even when she was trying to get herself drunk as hell could she escape the fact that 1. Nothing she did was going to be good enough to stop them from self-imploding and 2. Was always the "wrong" one.  Fuck she needed the drink to work faster! Flurry took a long deep swig.

"An' everyone is soooooo certain they stand behin' what happened." Her voice was getting maybe a bit too loud. "Even though no one's talked to anyone far as I can tell." Then a bitter note entered her voice. "An' even though I got even with that bitch no one cares because ain't nothing I can do that's worth a shit to anyone or to change anythin'." Oh god she wasn't doing well, she was spiralling fast and the drink certainly wasn't helping! Quick chug what was left, surely that would help! No one would ever claim her judgment wasn't impaired. With a now empty bottle clutched to her chest Flurry curled in on herself. She was beyond caring if anyone witnessed what was shaping up to be a very sloppy crying session.


"Speech"

Art by Perencreste
Updated 01/13/23: I am currently on indefinite scarcity, please be patient and don't remind me of missing tags right now.




Sakana

Raiders Hollow
The Sawbone

Master Healer (270)

Master Navigator (240)

An icon representing the specialty Anatomist Anatomist

age
3 Years
gender
Male
gems
422
size
Dire wolf
build
Light
posts
100
player
NachoMumma

1KSamhain 2022
03-02-2024, 12:49 AM


Sakana had never expected to be defensive of Modesty of all wolves. Contrary to popular belief he wasn't her biggest fan. She was dramatic and needy and required far more emotional input as a patient than any of her kids did. He took a moment to consider that perhaps Flurry had inherited some of her mother's obstinate neediness, even so, he wasn't going to lie to her face about his thoughts on the matter. “Yeah right, one o' her wolves that rocked up on our beach jus' after one o' her other wolves maimed yer baby sister, an' her child. Sid very well coulda died with that head knock, I dunno if she'll ever see properly again. How's yer mum supposed ter take it? Any intruder at tha' point but especially one o' them?” The boy was baffled.

As Flurry continued her spiral chugging more alcohol down, Sakana started to have flashbacks of Modesty's drunken half dead flight across the countryside, and he didn't have enough valerian left to pull that sort of retrieval off again. He sighed in exasperation and handed her another fish stick, moving his growing frame to wrap around his age-mate not-sibling, bringing his chin to rest across her shoulder in the best approximation of a hug he could manage with her sprawled out and curling in on herself.

“Look, 's not my place ter say so, but yer mum had a good reason ter run off like she did once she got free o' the room. I didn't think she was ready ter come out, but I'm glad I didn't keep 'er locked up any longer'n I did.” His stomach churned uncomfortably even saying that much. “I reckon there's a lot more goin' on than we know, so if she loses it at her kids gettin' hurt, who am I ter judge? I had ter knock 'er out ter get 'er back at all, an' some o' th' shit she was sayin'...” He pulled a face. “If it helps at all, I reckon she'd bring th' same pain fer any o' yers getting hurt like that.” He tried to focus on his breathing, hoping she would feel the movement against her spine and try to breathe along with him.

“Speech”




Flurry

Loner

Novice Intellectual (20)

Expert Fighter (180)

age
2 Years
gender
Female
gems
802
size
Extra large
build
Light
posts
134
player
Lolaf

VengeanceCritical Observation!1KLoserCritical Fail!Pride - Pansexual
03-03-2024, 02:36 PM




In a more sober state Flurry might have pushed back on things more, might have flinched away from the contract but as it was she was dealing with a lot of big feelings and wallowing in her self pity and having a good cry felt like the only release she was gonna get. When was the last time she'd been held? A less fuzzy mind might have remembered the pink guy from her last heat season but it had been such a brief meeting in the grand scheme of things he had slipped her mind. So when she'd been young? And yep... Now she was definitely crying.

"S'not like I'm not also angry about what they did to Sid or anythin' I just-" Flurry hiccuped wetly. She should honestly probably actually be eating the fish Sakana had offered. "I was there when you were born, I watched some asshole kick Deluge because he was angry with all of us because he'd decided what Sparrow did was all of our crimes, even you and your siblings. So new you could only wiggle around. We weren't much older. It scared me for so long, and I see everyone around me doin' the same thing. Assumin' the actions of an individual must be a crime shared by the whole and it scares me more. It's never gonna end and we'll always be the fuckin' bad guys and the weight of protectin' everyone is too much. Someone's gonna die if this keeps up, someone's gonna have to pay with their life." It was the logical conclusion of all the fears she'd been harbouring for a while now. The flood gates had been opened and any filter she'd developed to protect herself and her thoughts was gone. Words tumbling out of her more than she was consciously choosing to say them, their connections tenuous at best. "I jus' keep seein' tha' the only logical end is war or death. We keep kickin' hornet's nests. We keep pickin' up grudges and playin' with them like we ain't one of the least liked packs around. Like there ain't one day gonna be someone angry enough to destroy us an' no one willin' to help us."  

Flurry lay there for a moment, head on the ground and body jolting with her altered breathing. It felt nice if she was being honest, having the bigger wolf against her and as the initial wave of emotions were finally cried out she could start to try mirroring his breathing, even if it was halting and uneven. Occasionally she'd match him for a moment before her breath would hitch and fall out of rhythm again. "I ain't got nothin' else. Ain't got anythin' but the Raiders. Ain't even got a single real friend. Not even here. I jus'..." Flurry's breathing hitched again and it took her a moment to be able to speak again. "Ma and dad got each other. Deluge's got Dread. I don't got nothin' else. I can't lose th' only thing I got!" Flurry knew in the end her brother's would be fine, they always seemed to bounce back easier than she did. If the Raiders crumbled they'd find something else. But Flurry? She'd be lost. Would have no where else to go, no one else to turn to. Even as alone as she felt here, even as aware as she was the only ones who actually gave a single shit about her were her family, it was still better than nothing.  


"Speech"

Art by Perencreste
Updated 01/13/23: I am currently on indefinite scarcity, please be patient and don't remind me of missing tags right now.





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1. Step 3: Learn to love yourself first Dove Island Archipelago 10:02 PM, 02-06-2024 03:01 AM, 05-20-2024